The consult went just over two hours and there were some difficult topics I had to walk her through. I’m good at telling a summary of my story without issue, but inevitably there’s some piece that catches me off guard when I really have to get into it. It’s embarrassing crying in front of strangers. Anyway, I made it through that and the exam of the [surgical area] without major issues.

The good news is she seems much more open to working with unknowns. Given that I’m the first person to pursue phalloplasty after vaginoplasty at that hospital’s practice (many such cases), a surgeon needs to be willing to take a bit of a leap with me. Of course, that involves ompromises on both parts.

I was happy that my left forearm (donor site) seemed okay to use, though I still need to get a CT scan to confirm. Radial Forearm Flap (RFF) is the best surgical method at getting tactile sensation and the least bulky. Other methods are at the expense of one or the other, so thank you to my ulner artery for the good blood flow. Yay.

Unfortunately, I’m probably giving up the dream of urethra lengthening. I knew it was a possibility, but I had to face that it could complicate things with an erectile device and be a higher chance of complication given my medical history. I was really hoping I could pee like I used to, but I can be pragmatic too. She didn’t give me grief for scrotoplasty, so I accepted that she stressed the risks of UL in my situation for good reason.

I have to meet with a urologist about the logistics of vaginectomy. I really fucking hope there are no issues there. It sounds like it should be alright, but need to discuss first. Fingers crossed. I fucking hate that thing so much, goddamn.

I have a follow up appointment in a few months after all those logistical boxes are checked and she’s had time to work with her team on a proper game plan. If everything goes well, we could schedule after that appointment.

I’m so glad I didn’t kill myself. Today was exhausting, but I’m okay.

Had a really fun weekend with my friend~ tied her up lots, we went around to a different kinky friends place with a pillory and she had a good time in it. Fucked a lot, that was great. I do really really want to use a toy or fuck someone with a cock but I still have to wait 😭 I dunno if Im going myself any favors by still having a fun time sexually as much as I can or if I would have felt less pent up trying to be more of a virgin nun lifestyle.

I had the thought “I just want to be a domestic housecat owned by lesbians” but realized that my prior hornyposting probably communicated that pretty clearly already,,,

I’m pretty sure that if I didn’t grow into being trans spending a lot of time reading through this mega every day I would have ended up with exactly the kind of internalized trans-misogyny that would have had me agreeing with the he/hims in that thread. I guess I’m just feeling thankful for you all again. I feel like I am who I am today in part because of the posting I get to read from you all. I just love ya’ll is all I suppose

you know, I might struggle with being accepted in the “community” as someone who is transmasc, non-binary, both lesbian and gay, and also a futch / twink (controversial identities in an of themselves) but for some reason 🙄 this identity is somehow less controversial than just being a trans woman who is also a lesbian, compounded by multiple marginalized identities.

I am reminded of the article which said that anti-transmasculinity it is actually a trojan horse for transmisogyny. While it is concerning that radfems occasionally target transmasc lesbians or he/him lesbians, I feel that it’s really just a hidden attack for trans women. And making transmascs or other tme non-binary people out to be the main victims in all of this (and therefore worthy of being named while trans women are left out) doesn’t sit right with me.