How to grow as a calm, satisfied human?

While dealing with critique is difficult sometimes, criticism is always puzzling. Bouncing back after a difficult critique or someone’s judgment or evaluation of us or our traits happens best when we see ourselves honestly and frame our behavior as actions or habits, not as an extension of our self-worth or personality. I find it helpful to reframe criticism as feedback. A therapist tells me that we can solve a surprising amount of our relationship issues by reframing; seeing the situation in a different way. When I shift my mindset, I welcome criticism as a growth opportunity rather than a personal attack or a slam. Even the harshest feedback may contain useful insights. This does not always mean that I will be responsive; remember that the critical stranger is simply one person. Often, strangers have a job to do, like parenting or being your boss, and they are only experiencing you in a given moment in time. Their judgment might be predicated on how much pressure they are under, outside influences, or even their mood of the day.

As a therapy, trauma and autism researcher I’m not convinced that there is a realistic way for me to understand what someone who does not know me has decided they know of me, and I’m comfortable accepting that you may not be in a position to be clear.