I kind of saw this coming. It doesn’t matter, because I didn’t prepare. I kept hoping things werent as bad as i’ve thought. I’ve spent a lot of days since Jan 20 trying to thread a needle between staying appraised of what’s going on, for my own safety, and trying not to give in to panic and despair.

But… life has been hard. I disassociate from scary stuff. Most days I don’t think about things, while a little voice in my head screams, “You can’t be sitting still. There’s so much you need to do.”

But that’s what I do. I spend a lot of time trying to find work and make ends meet. I spend a lot of time just coping with my moment on a small level; the wider world seems unimportant when my day to day struggle is mostly… trying to be ok

but im starting to realize I can’t be ok. I have a lot of time that’s being wasted. Things are happening in the US that are about to make my life hellish and dangerous, and i’m doing nothing, trying to find a job and acting like things aren’t going to be absolutely batty within a year.

I can’t do it anymore, but I don’t have a natural mindset that lets me just break out.

What are y’all doing? How do you overcome the urge to just… keep going on the track you know?

I can’t keep acting like everything is fine. Nothing is fucking fine.

  • Future_Honkey [none/use name]@hexbear.netEnglish
    14·
    2 days ago

    I could be lying to myself, but my solace is that by speaking the truth to my lib friends to prepare their minds for where we’re headed, or far more often simply being kind to everyone i meet on the street or online is praxis.

    If i can’t help someone with words, just letting them know they’re not alone in feeling crushed by the world is also my “praxis”. I am confident I’m not gonna be the one to figure out what to do or even how to protect ourselves from this terminal capitalism, much less build community and socialism, but maybe someone i meet will.

    Maybe someone they meet will, and my vain hope is a bit of brightness carried over could be that extra push that person needs at that time. Who knows what they’ll do with it?

    It’s not like I’m doing much at all, i don’t mean to seem like I’m doing a ton or anything, it’s just a mentality i try to hold on to these days. A vibe i wanna spread in my own mind and to others.

    It’s also an excuse for me to avoid my own problems but i was gonna do that anyway lol