Neurotypicals often feel like they’re not being listened to if a person doesn’t make eye-contact. I sympathise with their anxiety, but I would like them to understand that if I am forcing myself to make eye contact (or to appear like I am), that takes me so much focus that I’m less likely to be following what they’re saying.
This one is more of an ADHD thing for me, but a similar one is that I would like them to understand that if I am fiddling with something with my hands, this is actually an indicator that I am listening to them (for me, tasks like crochet, embroidery or origami are things that I do to occupy my hands and the part of my brain that gets distracted).
Those are a couple of examples, but more broadly, I’d just like for neurotypical people to understand that their experiences aren’t universal. Furthermore, I believe that clinging to a sense of normality is harmful because of how it flattens the variety of human experience — even if we’re comparing neurotypicals to neurotypicals: “Normal” is a box that I have caused myself severe harm trying to fit in, but I see that same kind of harm being caused to neurotypicals who can contort themselves enough to force themselves into the box. Just because someone can fit in doesn’t mean they will be comfortable or happy in that mould — it sometimes makes me glad that I’m autistic, because I get to explore who I am beyond that box of prescriptive normality.
That’s the approach I tend to take nowadays too. I sometimes get some flack for it, but I’m not going to set myself on fire to keep others warm; burnout almost killed me, so allowing myself space to be autistic isn’t just self care — it’s survival
Neurotypicals often feel like they’re not being listened to if a person doesn’t make eye-contact. I sympathise with their anxiety, but I would like them to understand that if I am forcing myself to make eye contact (or to appear like I am), that takes me so much focus that I’m less likely to be following what they’re saying.
This one is more of an ADHD thing for me, but a similar one is that I would like them to understand that if I am fiddling with something with my hands, this is actually an indicator that I am listening to them (for me, tasks like crochet, embroidery or origami are things that I do to occupy my hands and the part of my brain that gets distracted).
Those are a couple of examples, but more broadly, I’d just like for neurotypical people to understand that their experiences aren’t universal. Furthermore, I believe that clinging to a sense of normality is harmful because of how it flattens the variety of human experience — even if we’re comparing neurotypicals to neurotypicals: “Normal” is a box that I have caused myself severe harm trying to fit in, but I see that same kind of harm being caused to neurotypicals who can contort themselves enough to force themselves into the box. Just because someone can fit in doesn’t mean they will be comfortable or happy in that mould — it sometimes makes me glad that I’m autistic, because I get to explore who I am beyond that box of prescriptive normality.
I’ve gave up with even trying this anymore, if they feel it’s rude then they can deal with me asking to repeat themselves which they never want to.
That’s the approach I tend to take nowadays too. I sometimes get some flack for it, but I’m not going to set myself on fire to keep others warm; burnout almost killed me, so allowing myself space to be autistic isn’t just self care — it’s survival