I know I keep posting over and over but I’m in so much pain and I have no one or nowhere to go to when I am sad. I’m trying to channel everything internally without being such a burden and annoyance to people. I keep asking myself “why didn’t he fight for me and his relationship?” “Why am I so easy to be given up on?” “Was I even special to him?” … I cannot stop crying. I feel hopeless right now. When we stopped talking for a couple days and I reached out for closure, he said not speaking for those three days makes him realize he should’ve been more appreciative of me and how hard I tried and all those things. But if he was saying those things then why not turn it around? 😔I sound like a hopeless romantic but I can’t wrap my head around anything anymore… the closure somehow made it worse I guess. I told him I forgive him for anything he thinks he did wrong. He appreciated that. I miss him so much. I miss our memories, I miss his face. Something deep down inside of me feels like I’m going to see his face again but I know that’s false reality. We never even got to talk to each other about these things in person. I just want to cry in his arms.
These kinds of things are not cut and dry, and shrinks are honestly still trying to figure out better ways to cope with grief all the time. Some folks choose to start a new relationship to get over a breakup, others like to just get all the emotion out in one go. It sounds like you’re dealing with invasive thoughts, and I’ve always found keeping myself occupied with things helps me tune them out.
You want to keep your mind off it. It’s an emotional wound, and the more you pick at it the more it’ll linger. You can come back to this when it hurts less and the situation is more distant, but focusing on yourself for now can do great things.
Exercise, Friends, Comfort. All these help you stay feeling human, and you should make sure to have these three things squared away, since they can help steady you.
Hobbies are great for occupying yourself. You focus on the project and try to just think through it. It doesn’t have to be anything crazy either. 100% a game, make a goal out of folding a certain amount of origami crafts, make a scrap book, learn a language, doodle, etc - it doesn’t really matter what it is so long as you have something to occupy you for a longer length of time.
Changes in setting can be good, too - but the right kind of routine can also help. It really depends on your preference.
And go easy on yourself. You’ll still have episodes for some time, and that’s OK.
I agree with 95% of this message but don’t love how it sounds like you’re encouraging them to try to force themselves to not think of it as it’ll just come back. I agree that finding things to do is great and will ease you out of the pain but if you’re trying to stay away from the painful thing the best you’ll get is being just unprepared for the next time it, or something similar, happens.
Hobbies and stuff are awesome for reminding yourself that you still have value outside of the relationship or that you can find new enjoyments and aren’t locked into only one way of being. They can also bring new friends, or at least aquaintances, and that can help bring variety. But trying to force not thinking about the issue will likely just delay it.