Have you tried this:

-> You suggest [specific activity]

-> They suggest alteration

-> You say, “I actually really want to do [specific activity] this time, but we can do [their suggestion] next time!”

-> (1) They agree. Else (2) They insist on changing it

-> You ask why they don’t want to do your suggestion

-> They hopefully have an explanation you can understand so you either feel better about changing the activity, or you go to the activity alone and do their suggestion with them another time (both are just as good!)

There’s nothing rude about planning something and inviting people to the activity. If they don’t want to join they can say no and you’re still allowed to follow through with your plan.

Suggestions for activities to do on your own where your current friends can join if they want but you can also do alone and meet new people at the activity:

cooking class,

dancing class,

amateur theater/improv,

book club (I’m sure there are open book clubs to join at your local library, or you can ask the librarians to put up a flyer and start one… I do 1-on-1 book clubs with different friends at different times when we figure out a book we want to read. We just set a chapter goal and call once or twice a week to check in on each others progress and yap about our thoughts on the book so far. Not every activity needs to include the whole friend group every time - they’re all unique persons with different interests and time availability),

join an orientation club,

volunteer somewhere (I like animal shelters, but might be more interaction with other volunteers at something aimed at humans or political/societal),

visit an orchard and pick seasonal fruit/veggies (may not be super social with strangers)

join a hiking tour, especially likely to be social if it’s over several days,

go to concerts and festivals,

go to a meetup/show for motorcycles or old cars or something (initiate socialising by asking questions about, and giving people compliments on, what they brought to show off (car, MC, vinyl collection) )

Thanks, this story inspired me to pay more attention to that for today’s plans.

Originally I agreed to overly complex logistics for a family activity because I know my ex doesn’t like to drive. But she agreed to simpler logistics that would save an hour on the schedule and save everyone else a lot of driving at the expense of her driving. This will be so much more enjoyable spending a little more time with my kid and not be in a rush to get everything done.

Instead of making plans with friends, plan your activity and invite friends. If you’re the defining factor, and plan your activity as it is, others may join or not.

The fewer people you involve, the more stable the plan will be as well.

Yeah this is why I hate making plans, no one else puts in any effort into finding things to do or they don’t want to pay for anything and then every outing becomes sitting in a bar shooting shit or going to a movie that either I don’t care for or the others don’t, I usually just do things by myself these days and I enjoy it a lot more, maybe someday I’ll find friends with common interest I actually want to hang out with, for now I’ve become very comfortable being by myself

You could try “I’m going to do this thing on this day. If you would like to join me, I’ll be there at this time. Let me know if you’re coming by (RSVP date) so that I can book you a spot/plate/room: it will be $this much.” And then make your plans and do them anyway.

This way it’s clear that you are doing the thing. If people say “can we do this or this instead?” you reply with “Hey, great idea! Maybe next time. I’ve already planned the other thing for this time.”

Sometimes it will be on your own. Sometimes others will want to join you. Sometimes you can join others on their quests, too, but remember to not try and change their plans to suit yourself.

One thing every other comment has failed to mention is that, to be comfortable around other people, you must first be comfortable with yourself fully. And, because of that, I recommend you keep doing activities by yourself, and try new things by yourself, at least at first. Discover who you actually want to be, while still respecting everyone’s freedom, including your own.

Make friends with people who also love what you love?

No, it isn’t wrong to want to choose your friends based on your hobbies. It’s healthy. Sure, you will need some flexibility. It can’t all be your way all the time. But generally you want friends who enjoy the same activities and “things” you do. You want enough similarities to have stuff to do and talk about, but enough differences that you aren’t just repeating the same things to each other.

And as with most relationships, a small handful of great ones can sustain us for longer and more deeply than a deluge of shallow and circumstantial ones.

Sounds like you’re meeting up with big groups and many people pulling different directions? Try smaller meetings.

I’ve learned that it’s important to spent time on my interests, and it’s important to spend time on my friends, but trying to do both at once sometimes cheapens both.

I’d suggest scheduling just chill hangouts with friends, and keep doing the wild things they can’t afford by yourself.

Thank you for the AI Disclaimer and owning up to the words it spit out, at least you’re being honest about it, and that’s respectable. 👍

My personal opinion is don’t expect anything.

You can try to plan everything out, but almost never will things go perfectly according to plans. And the more effort you put into planning, the less likely things actually go according to plan.

If you’re just trying to enjoy time with friends, then plans might as well be just suggestions, but sometimes you just gotta roll with whatever happens, and get a good laugh when Jeremy pukes behind the car LOL!

Sometimes you just gotta live in the moment…

I started doing things that I want, and if others join me, thats awesome, if noone comes along I’ll just go alone. I’ve met a lot of new people this way and it has worked wonders on my social skills.

It allows me to get a lot of new experiences without the hassle of having some miserable being tagging along. And it gives me interesting stories to tell when I meet up with my long time friends. Some of them even want to join some of my adventures.

If you really like sex they can both be the same thing.

Not even joking. My time spent pursuing polyamory was one of the most fulfilling and socially active times in my life.

But it required a Herculean amount of effort and there were times I though my dick my fall off.

I am mostly unsure about what you consider friendship. From your description, they are a (big?) group of people that you meet once or twice a year and when you do you don’t enjoy it. At most, I would consider them acquaintances.

Try looking for connections in groups that tailor towards what you like. Join meetups and such on topics of your interest and try to scout for interesting people in there.

I find friends who enjoy the things I like to do??