Last year, I had 2 OD attempts. Couldn’t do a third because my mom found out and hid my pills, but this ain’t this post’s focus.

Waking up after a failed suicide attempt has a… eerie feeling. I can’t really describe it, but you feel weird after it.

Just wanted to share a thought.

  • Deconceptualist@leminal.spaceEnglish
    7·
    5 months ago

    Aw, hope you’re doing far better. Depression is deeply unfair, and in my limited experience I hate how it masks itself as clarity or certainty.

    I’m a bit morbidly curious about this feeling you highlight, if you’re willing to describe further. Is it weird like any these? Total guesses on my part, no intent to be insensitive so apologies if any come across that way.

      1. “I shouldn’t be here”
      1. “Am I dead/dreaming?”
      1. “Am I still me? / Is the world still the same?”
      1. Drugs still in your system / everything hazy or woozy
      1. Some conflicting combination of “Fuck, I’m still here / Yay, I’m still here”
      1. Disappointment
      1. Relief
      1. Disassociation or out-of-body feeling
      1. Ennui

    EDIT: Added numbers

      • Deconceptualist@leminal.spaceEnglish
        5·
        5 months ago

        Interesting, thanks. But damn, I’m sorry life has let you down so completely.

        I don’t expect you to believe me, but not all places and times are shitty. Some are pretty good even. If you can get enough distance between yourself and your current situation, you might find better options than ending it all.

        Of course, if your own body is the main source of misery, that’s pretty hard to escape so that’s awful and I understand.

        • MeowerMisfit817@lemmy.worldOPEnglish
          4·
          5 months ago

          Well, my body is ONE of the issues. My family isn’t also the best one, and I’m still - 18, so moving is NOT a option. People can also be jerks most of times.

          • Deconceptualist@leminal.spaceEnglish
            4·
            5 months ago

            I didn’t expect anyone your age was on Lemmy. Glad to be wrong on that.

            So there’s a bit to unpack in what you said.

            • Most physical ailments can at least be mitigated these days, if not cured/resolved. It could take a long time, but quality of life should at least be possible if you pursue it.
            • A lot of people have shitty families. Obviously that’s not good, but at least you’re not alone in that. The good part is that as an adult you can mostly cut those people out of your life and define your own family.
            • Speaking of that, you’re right on the cusp of adulthood. Your life will almost certainly change drastically in the next few years. And you get to decide a lot of it. What feels like an eternity as a teen turns out to be a pretty short time when you have an older perspective. Once you’re able to move out, you’ll see.
            • There are jerks anywhere you go, unfortunately. Best thing you can do is try to surround yourself with people who aren’t. Caring, funny, delightful people are everywhere too, but you don’t always see them because they’re trying to avoid the jerks as well.