It’s not just the names of people.

I’m bad at remembering those too, but I have a theory.

I noticed that sometimes my brain can open the door to the room with the information I need (a name, some nomenclature, a process, etc). When it can I can regurgitate that information pretty much ver batim.

When it can’t, I have that tip of the tongue feeling and my brain rushes to alleviate that feeling because it feels like anxiety. So it will provide me with information that is tangentially related (the name of someone else who works with the person who I’m trying to name, or the name of a tool that might do something similar in another field, or the name of a place in the same region etc). But then it doubles down and sort of… overwrites the real.name with whatever the mistake name is. Upping the likelihood that I will misname that person or thing again.

I will very often know that this is happening. I will know that the name that is coming out of my mouth is wrong. But I can’t seem to help myself.

This has been a problem my whole life. I don’t think it’s a case of no caring or being selfish. I think it’s a case of brain chemistry and thought processes.

Apparently it’s a well know problem with ADHD people:

https://progressivetherapyassociates.com/news-story.php?ID=69#gsc.tab=0

I’ll admit outright that I’m just not interested in most people.

But I’m terrible with names, even with the people I am interested in. I can tell you all kinds of things about a person, just not their name.

It’s kind of bizarre.

can we please normalize it taking a few interactions to memorize people’s names

we evolved to live in a tribe of like 40 people and now Susie from accounting who I met once 4 months ago got mad that I called her Sandy

Oh this absolutely happens to me to the point that I just tell people when I meet them that it might happen but I do try because I have a lot of names rattling around in my head hah! I also use how someone answer ls as a sort of read on who they are as a person haha. That said, I have never had someone call me selfish but if they did I would probably respond by telling them that it’s selfish to think everyone should remember their name and to remember they are not the main character in anyone’s life but their own. I try not to be mean about it but I am definitely snarky about it.

Same thing with me remembering names.

If I meet someone new, and they tell me their name, 95% chance I’ve forgotten it within seconds. It gets awkward after a while, so often I ask them what their surname is, then go look them up on say LinkedIn (or in the past - Facebook.)

Great with faces. But I even forget the names of super famous actors and musicians. Then I forget the name of a film they’ve been in, so I have to ask my wife.

My brain then has to go through this process of where I describe a film that the actor was in, and or the name of the character.

Or forget the film name, but know the character’s name.

E.g. Me - “Err Severus Snape”.

Wife - “you mean Alan Rickman”

Me - “Yeah, but he’s a terrorist, who’s taken over a skyscraper.”

Wife - “Die Hard”

Me - “But not Alan Rickman’s character. The main guy”

Wife - “Bruce Willis?”

Me - “OMG yes, Bruce Willis, how did I forget his name!”

It’s also the names of places I’ve visited as well. Might have been there 100 times, but it’ll just drop out of my memory at random.

“What’s the name of the place where we met all those dogs. Has a Waterfall. Might have been during summer?”

I hate it. Could describe every detail of someone or a place. Names - almost never remember.

I definitely wouldn’t say it is selfish by any stretch of the imagination. But I can see how someone would get offended if you forgot theirs.

I’m horrible with names too. I’m just up front with people about it. If anyone gives me a hard time I tell them I’m face blind. That usually ends the discussion or them trying to give me tips.

I agree saying someone’s name over and over feels creepy. I know why they do it, but it comes off super unauthentic.

I’m fine with my own name, but I have a very common name that is always shortened. For some reason it makes me want to crawl out of my skin when someone says the shortened version with my last name.

I can’t say if it’s a common ADHD thing. But you can add one more ADHD (probably somewhere on the spectrum) person who is in agreement with you.

I am similar, hate using names (even if I know them) and have trouble remembering them.

My not remembering them has a lot to do with face blindness. If everyone looks the same I can’t remember who is who until I figure out their idk, shape? Motions? Virtual meetings were a nightmare. No, I don’t remember you, sorry!

Names are intimate and fraught with pitfalls. It still weirds me out when my husband uses my full first name. He has a nickname for me and if someone else calls me by that it feels extremely uncomfortable. Different friend groups/family groups also have different names for me. I didn’t choose any of them and they are generally fine but again if I get called by an unexpected name it’s fucking weird.

That salesman tactic also creeps me out.

You aren’t selfish, your brain just works different. People can fuck right off with that ableist shit.

It has to be with practice. Say their names like two or three times casually and you will got it, this is for remember them, not for act like an asshole trying to impress.

Some people are face blind, but I am name blind or something. I will almost always remember the face, usually even where I know them from… but the names almost always evade me.