A conspiracy theorist dies and goes to heaven. It’s explained to him that everyone gets to speak with god after they arrive to make them feel at home and answer any questions they may have.

So when god welcomes him and he starts asking him questions, god interrups him and says that as he is all knowing, he already knows what he’s going to ask and the answer is: no. There’s no Illuminati; lizard aliens; 9/11 wasn’t an inside job; etc. etc. …

So the guy thanks him and shakes his hand, but as he walks away he slowly shakes his head and thinks to himself: “this goes even deeper than I thought!”

The books on paranoia? They’re right behind you.

So, The Fifa Awards