Being autistic is like everyone’s playing a game, but 1) nobody will tell you the rules and 2) the rules keep changing
Me in high school: fuck what anyone thinks about me.
Me starting the work force: I need to be professional. Unfortunately, that means I have to care what others think about me.
Me today: Welp, time to put the mask on so nobody misinterprets me.
I wish different tones of voice had more acceptance. What I feel inside doesn’t get reflected by how I talk, so I pretty much pretend to be cheerful all the time because it’s the only way I’ve found to be accepted professionally.
You need to care about how others are feeling. Understanding what it is they are feeling and why, using mainly non-verbal cues, ist he hard part.
Fuck what others think, though. You really don’t wanna get wrapped up in that.
I studied social engineering, it helped much to understand reaction. People have lost of reaction and emptions linked to it. It helped
Can you give an example? I don’t quite understand.
Like people being anxious. In social engineering they describe the symptoms of anxiousness. Body language is a great thing to learn too, helped simulate. https://www.social-engineer.com/dispelling-body-language-myths for example I read only 1-2 and seem cohérent. Each body language is a weak indicator, enough weak indicator and you got a clue on the mental state of people
Oh God the overcorrection - yeah been there, done that
Generally I’ve learned we’re bad at recognizing moods and body language, but every time we do recognize it, it affects us 3 times more than non-autistic people.
I always imagine that’s because for every mood we pick up on, we assume there’s been 3 other indicators we missed and we don’t wanna get it wrong.
i’m just so tired of caring and feeling altogether
🫂
I always hated that phrase as a way to combat social anxiety. It’s terrible advice and has never helped anyway
I wonder if there’s a way to balance it so there’s some care but not too much or too little generally. A lot of things about life seem to be a balance and not absolutes.
YES :(((
I don’t think it’s quite as simple. It’s not like we need to be told to have empathy. I think I’m overly sensitive to empathy naturally. From a lot of my earliest memories I can remember only naturally caring for the conditions and feelings of others.
I think the issue is more about needing to be told what is socially important. The idea of “caring about what others think” is a contradiction to how the society we live in works. The idea of “caring about what others think” is instead about “caring about not being disruptive”.
The OP phrase is a good simple way of saying it. But, the “being told not to care what people think” is closer to “don’t worry why that person sleeps on the street” for me. I’m more exhausted with how much I have to pretend that’s normal.
Never cared never will. Eat shit normos
Is it just normos or everyone including the non-normos?
Oy my god, yes that nails it
Or just be like me ( one of the lucky ones ) who doesn’t put as much stock into what others think of me as I should.
It me.
