even though it will be more expensive and might tank the project

There’s a bright side for everything.

A lot of the larger companies I’ve worked for are rotten inside. They seem to base their decisions on how hard they can fuck over their employees. They would rather lose the entire cake than give you a crumb.

The takeaway from this is to try not to take it personally. Scorpions gonna scorp.

But I am disconcerted by the level of visceral hatred I feel towards this VP. […] I’ve probably made a straw man out of him. He probably has a family and interests. I don’t like how I feel this way. I’ve never felt this way.

The VP doesn’t think about you at all. Don’t waste your time and effort hating them.

I have always hated most of my managers too. I think they are all psychopaths. Totally relate to how you feel.

There is a reason we call these people npcs. They seemingly are missing some important parts in their brains or heart.

This post does not answer your question but maybe will make you manage your expectations differently in the future.

When it comes to work, no company has your best interests in minds unless they align with theirs.

Never believe promises of future improvement. Whether that is a promotion, relocation you want or don’t want and they don’t want or want you to, change to a more interesting position, anything.

If you believe the “maybe one day”, they’ll milk you as long as they can until you decide they’re not doing anything about it. It’s not profitable.

It’s not profitable to keep employees happy. It’s easier to keep them for as long as they can as cheap as they can and replace them when needed. The time it takes a manager to allocate you to another project or location is better spent recruiting 3 new people for said location.

You should not be loyal to any company. It’s a transaction. They pay you for your time. Don’t give them time they are not paying for. Don’t be loyal. If a company wants to fire you, they won’t hesitate. Be friend with coworkers if you want, person to person. Not to the company.

HR is there to protect the company, not you.

Exceptions are rare. And probably all of said exceptions are in small companies, and with someone above you who cares about you and has some decision power. But it’s rare.

Just keep in mind: no matter how good a company is, when they want to fire you, they won’t hesitate. Even if you just lost your marriage, house, and a relative perished the day before. That’s not their problem.

So, when things are always behind schedule and asking overtime is the norm: “Your lack of planning does not constitute an emergency on my part”. You pay with your time.

I’m sorry for the grim point of view.

Companies. Give. No. Fucks. About. You.

This is a good lesson for you. Remember it in future.

Do not get angry at them. Show them the complete and utter lack of care that they show you.

They are not worthy of your energy, so do not waste it on them. Do your job - adequitely - and move on.

I mean, it’s been 3 years since I left the last place and I still hate the dogshit out of the CEO and regularly imagine how good it will feel when I get the news he died. Imo it’s pretty normal to hate people who ruin our lives for no goddamn reason

So you are asking for anger management against management anger?

Please reply with ‘rage’ to subscribe to anger management facts.

I think you’re handling it fine. Sometimes ranting and ravimg is absolutely necessary and you just need to be pissed off for a while.

You need to already be in the job market - if they’re looking at replacing you, you need to be looking at replacing them. And if you find a job where your partner’s dream job is, you just leave.

I’ve probably made a straw man out of him. He probably has a family and interests.

Trying to empathize will probably make it worse because it will never be reciprocated and that hurts. I bet it would be easier to deal with if you accept that he is your adversary and you don’t owe him anything.

I don’t want to go back out into the job market.

At least it will mean you will never have to interact with this particular person again. I think it’s ok to hate someone, just channel that into removing their ability to make decisions that affect you.

You now have free time. Get written recommendations and swap contacts with your superiors and coworkers.

Respectfully make certain that each and every one of them hears that they cannot expect to remain with the company when they move to another area with a separate campus.

Don’t let your anger fester, and don’t let yourself get quietly replaced. Start unionizing. If you don’t know where to start, take the free Organizer Training course by CODE-CWA. I personally pushed out 2 high level asshole managers during my campaign

I’m sorry. It sounds like it wasn’t a good company to work for long-term, anyway.

Unfortunately you will meet many more like this person. They are not special or unique, they are a dime a dozen and yes, it is a skill in learning how to work with them. Amazon does make more than their fair share of these people, and it’s because it is a ruthless environment there, where if you want to do anything like get a promotion or raise you have to be visceral. At Amazon, yelling and tearing people down is a normal.

Luckily most I see who leave do not want to continue on like that, but it is clear when Amazon has left it’s mark on someone. That being said, that’s their problem, you have to learn how to work with them.

I see many in this thread addressing what should happen at a societal/company level, but that is all irrelevant when it’s you and your career. For that, you have to act personally and decide how to move forward. That stuff is all well and good but we’re talking about your personal career trajectory.

A few notes, I don’t know what you’re like at all so these aren’t personal towards you, but rather my own personal findings when working with leadership who I may be at odds with.

• Use hard facts and figures
  • Hedging, using phrases like “I think” or “I believe” are drilled into them as saying you don’t know what you are talking about. Learn to be confident in what you are saying, or if you are not be confident in not knowing. Switch to concrete “It is” and "I do not know, but I’ll find out (by X time).
  • NEVER lie. They are literally trained to pick up on lies, and they WILL find out. They have techniques on how to figure out how much of a problem you actually know.
• Do not include emotion/personal feelings.
  • Best left at home or for a venting session later. Emotion will fall on deaf ears, and will be seen as you being unable to handle yourself. It’s harsh, yes, but be stoic. Ex amazon people have screamed in my face, be ready for encounters like that and stay neutral, using language above.
• Keep personal thoughts about them out of the room.
  • They know you dislike them. Don’t let it come through in the meeting. Prove your worth with your work. Their vapid buzzwords and metrics are how they will discern your ability to do your job. It’s their game, and you can either learn it, or be shown the door.

Just a few. I’ll add more if I think of any. On the side, yes they are hard to work with, but take it as a skill to learn how to work with them. You’ll only see more through your career.

As for your job, you can try again but I would be doubtful that they’re going to approve it if your company has hard rules about location. You may not want to, but you also need to address the fact that they more than likely will not let you move. Is your want to move larger than your want to not switch jobs? Your VP and your company are not going to look out for what your life needs, that’s your responsibility. If you need to move, you’re going to need to make that happen, even if it means leaving.