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Gradle is pretty awful actually, I’ve had to deal with it for years when I was writing Java. It’s pretty much the #1 reason I’ve stopped doing anything Java related.
Meson is the well designed option for C family languages. It also has support for Java, Rust, Swift, and a couple other languages. C is the most well supported though I think.
It also has a built-in dependency downloader that respects the system installed packages (and therefore distro packagers).
I run Postfix, Dovecot and rspamd on my server. The configuration is here: https://git.dblsaiko.net/systems/tree/configurations/polaris
There’s also the Simple NixOS Mailserver project which is an abstraction on top of these and has a few more things. I’ve never used it myself though.
Of course, you also have to set up all the standard email setup like DKIM, DMARC, SPF and so on here.