For any advice post, there should be one thing that is most important: a clear description of the problem.

Otherwise, all advice is almost completely random/useless. Because maybe changing the name is the right solution, but maybe it isn’t. There’s no way to know.

In my opinion, there is no explanation of the problem at all here. You just say “too identifiable”, however my name/lastname is probably also completely unique, yet I can’t even think of a problem I would have with that.

So, what is the actual problem?

Es geht um die grüne Tonne, die vom Abfalldienst geleert wird. Diese ist fast immer näher am Straßenabfluss als an der Toilette.

That’s why I phrased everything I said as a question, because I wanted to make sure that I didn’t misunderstand them, you bagel!

Well, it’s understandable how I could not understand it though, isn’t it? They could have also said “people without work” instead of “without the ability to work”, no? Then it would have been clear that someone that loses their job, but still has the ability to work, is included. The way they phrased it very much sounded like you’re fucked if you have the ability to work, but just don’t have a job right now for some other reason.

That seems to me like the devil is in the details: what does “without the ability to work” mean? So if you lose your job and can’t find a new one, you’re just gonna die because you don’t qualify?

You can just ask to be pegged, many women are happy to do it nowadays.

Well, this is in the context of people choosing to accept donations as an open-source developer. Taking donations requires opt-in, I would assume someone like you just wouldn’t take them in the first place.

However, I’m sorry that they make you uncomfortable or even guilty, because that sounds to me like you think you don’t deserve them. Which to me, is sad, because the other person making the donation definitely thinks you deserved it.

“most” is the keyword here.

But they don’t produce output

I would argue that this is not even close to true.

As an open source developer myself, my contribution to open source is pretty much exactly proportional to how well I’m feeling. Getting a donation makes me feel appreciated, using the money makes me feel better, all leading to me being more motivated to spend time on some open-source.

Obviously, being able to only work on open-source would generate more output, but the psychological impact of feeling appreciated to output can’t be dismissed and is huge.

Not necessarily. A car by itself does not have a big carbon footprint at all, the problem with cars is that basically everyone has one, uses it for everything, and gets a new one every X years.

I drive a small car that I own since 2008, at that point it was already used, and it has 85000 km on it. If everyone of my age and up did that and drove so little, we’d have like 20-100 times less carbon footprint from cars.

It wouldn’t even make sense for me to upgrade to an electric car. Yes, it’d use less and greener fuel, but the amount of carbon it’d cost to produce probably wouldn’t “break even” until soooo many years in the future, maybe even after I die, at which point it’d even be a bad investment, carbon-wise.

So, like almost anything, it depends.

People always like to think of themselves that they aren’t judgy and totally inclusive and tolerant. But it’s a natural human behavior to judge others and make it known. Most people think of themselves and say they don’t judge, but in the background, subconsciously, still do it.

So your doubt is probably justified. You have to get the real answer from how your friends actually behave, not from what they think or say.

Oh, I know that. Doesn’t change my statement though, what I said is what’s happening; how to handle it, I didn’t really want to go into.

But yes, the solution is to not give a fuck, like you say. But that’s only the second best solution, the first one is for that not to be necessary in the first place.

I mean, if you simply want your code to be available somewhere so that you can access it from anywhere/have a backup, you can just not use any “service” at all. Just make a bare git repo on your server and expose it via ssh.

Only if you really need the collaboration features should you be using these kind of services, otherwise you just don’t really need them. (I would use Forgejo from Codeberg.)

Dancing with trusted people, yes. But in many/most places, how you dance is subject to social stigma, which is much much worse than any benefit of dancing.

And if you only know the stigma-attached dancing, then it poisons “healthy” dance for you, because humans think of the bad thing first.

Why are you going broke though? Why can the solution not be “do not let yourself go broke”?

Well, the country and even sub-jurisdiction (like city, depending on country) is very relevant though, as this problem you’re having is one where the best solutions are very local.

Most things you can do is get help from the community you live in, and without knowing the community, advice is too general and probably not very helpful.

You should look for local help and ask people there what to do.

Well, maybe, but if I look at the picture, I can see that the topmost mattresses are perfectly even, i.e. the bendy part of the negative comment is completely evened out after the 4th “positive comment mattress”, i.e. you can’t feel it at all anymore above that.

Kann ich dir alles nicht sagen, ich bin nicht der, der das originale Argument gebracht hat. Ich bin nur hier als Dolmetscher.

Aber ich kann mir zum Beispiel Situationen vorstellen, wo ja man queer lebt, z.b. poly und das Gesetz es nicht erlaubt mehr als einen zu heiraten/einzutragen. Oder wo die Eltern Flüchtlinge sind und keine Rente oder ähnliches bekommen. Aber ja, kA.

Wait, I don’t get it. So do you mean to say that you get so many positive comments, that the slight negative ones are completely irrelevant as once you’re insulated with so many layers of positive ones, you can’t even tell there’s negative ones in there somewhere?

If that is what you mean, then yes actually. I’m so lucky to be getting so much love from around me, that I don’t even notice the negative ones anymore.

Was die Person gemeint hat und du nicht verstanden hast, ist dass es Situationen gibt, die ähnliche Belastungen wie “Kinder haben” erfordern, aber als “kinderlos” gewertet werden.

Zum Beispiel wenn du ein Partner von einem alleinerziehenden Elternteil bist, dann kann es sein, dass du als kinderlos gewertet wirst, auch wenn du ein Kind unterstützt. Bist halt nicht als Erziehungsberechtigter eingetragen oder whatever.

Oder du musst Eltern pflegen, was ähnlich wie Kinder pflegen ist von den Kosten her, aber du wirst als “kinderlos” gezählt. Usw usw

Im Endeffekt wird bezweifelt, dass ausschließlich Leute, die “mehr für sich selbst haben” getroffen werden damit. “Kinderlos” muss nicht unbedingt bedeuten “hat mehr für sich selbst”.