ItalianMessiah [he/him]

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Joined 5 years ago
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Cake day: July 29th, 2020

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  • It’s a common thing for ND people to do as it allows us a a way to demonstrate empathy. The problem is that most NTs can interpret it as being off topic or making it about yourself. What they probably want in the conversation is to vent/express their emotions to another person. If you bring up a similar event that happened to you, they don’t get that opportunity.

    A good way to channel that impulse is to bring it up briefly and then immediately bring the topic back to them. Show them that you understand but still keep the conversation centered around them and their feelings.

    “Hey, my mom died recently so I’m not feeling great.”

    "I’m so sorry, my mom died last year so I know what you’re going through. How are you holding up, do you need anything?

    Not NT but halfway decent at “translating” my thoughts into socially acceptable behavior.


  • I agree with a lot of what others have to say but what makes me upset is how no one gives a shit about it. People will pay lip service to the idea of loosening these norms but the vast majority of people still expect it. Even among more progressive people, they won’t make you a pariah but they’ll still treat you differently. It’s just like everyone agrees that women should be allowed to have both a career and children. But in practice the woman is expected to take on the burden of childcare. People can say that men should allowed to be emotional but if they catch you crying then you’re forever something different in their eyes.

    I’ve talked with a lot of my friends and I genuinely believe a lot of men are aware of how toxic these behaviors are. But the second they get in front of their partners they’re back to that cold, confident mask. Most young men understand it’s bullshit but they see it as a requirement for relationships and societal respect. While there are always exceptions, I wouldn’t say they’re wrong.