Agave fiber straws. Literally just like a plastic straw, no PFAs but I’m sure there some reason I’m not supposed to use them.

Designed?

Yeah, that’s like the old joke: “I could have died, or even worse!”

Crazy how dying used to be seen as something to avoid, now there’s so many jokes about unaliving yourself.

Why does the prune on the right look like Rupert Fucking Murdoch?

Edit: The latest takedown comes in the aftermath of Rupert Murdoch, who owns the financial newspaper, visiting Trump on Monday in the Oval Office as he signed executive orders.

Oh.

Probably just the swiss chocolate in the Holls chocolates I get for some holidays. The bonbons/truffles themselves are made in Vienna…West Virginia.

Welcome to the rest of your life.

Cooper’s I’ve seen have redder eyes, but it’s hard to say.

Too late?

I’m more of a darlin’ kind of person.

You know that product pitch, “if you sell just one to every person in the world you’ll be a millionaire.” Well, Uber eats is a similar approach, but they can sell a lot of food deliveries until the food arrives cold or it’s the wrong order or the myriad problems food deliveries encounter.

What’s it called when you’re squeamish about textures so you only put ketchup and mustard on your dog?

That’s gold, Jerry!

This quote brought to you by Tweed Man Who Eats Too Much Red Meat.

I countered this by adding a pissing cherub fountain to my landscaping. It’s called “curb appeal”.

Yeah, that didn’t last very long and he was out.

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Pen has been stinky since S22 Ultra at least.

Or county, city, municipality of any size really.

Yeah, we should only be allowed to download their social media apps?

That’s OK, because rich people will be able to buy failing farms for pennies on the dollar, which is the point.