Why are these lists always things you’re already doing?

Everything is worms if you believe in string theory

Thank you bees

Rich people can afford private well-armed security guards… (No, the police don’t count since we’re not doing regulations any more)

Orangeutan

Thanks for putting the source, looks like I misremembered

Goliath was killed by a sword - the rock knocked him down so that David could behead him.

How strong are those spiders that they destroyed an entire castle??!

Imprisonment would also deal with the “hating brown people” part.

Yep, that’s how it feels when you get to my age

Blatantly false. If someone has a broken leg, do you say “environment is everything, I don’t think your sick, you don’t need medical help”?

Trump hates space because in space no-one can hear you ramble incoherently

If I stab a cow, it will bleed. If I stab a plate, it won’t bleed. Plates are stronger than cows

You could say that’s pretty… efficient

I had a friend in university who rolled his own and they smelled so nice. No idea what he put in them, but I’ve never smelled another cigarette that wasn’t vile

It’s also possible to play PS5 whilst being to ill to work. In civilised countries, you can (and should) take a couple of days off for minor illnesses - don’t spread that shit at work

You can have a pull cord in the bathroom or a switch outside, as I understand it

Me after eating a hot curry:

Raging high dump percentage

Coming from a non-American, an inches-only tape measure is incredibly cursed

Of course you freeze frame on the exact moment it looks like a swastika. He was actually just in the middle of a really big sneeze that happened twice accidentally one after the other. Definitely he’s a good person and should be the president vice president just some guy in government