Yes, that is the only explanation

Well, right now I’m looking at the writings of someone who’s imagination is drier than a dead dingos donger.

This is the least insightful thing I’ve read online this year.

What are you talking about? It’s not necessary or even advisable to come up with all your own ideas or develop thinking from first principles.

Ignoring prior art is just sabotaging the quality of your ideas, and it is unhelpful to groups if some members do not educate themselves. If I want to start a farm to feed people the people that are most useful are those that know a bit about growing food.

If you want to change society it is good to listen to the arguments for how and why it might be changed made by other people. Especially those which lots of people who want to change society in similar ways found useful or convincing.

I stopped visiting this instance because the transphobic screeds became too much for me. Someone who doesn’t ‘get’ half of young trans people but just feels being nice to people exploring themselves or ignoring them if they’re too much is easier.

Yeah so people tried to kill me before most people even knew what a trans person was. I uh, don’t think some people figuring out their identity was to blame for that ya know?

You seem really transphobic, and I really think you should reflect on that. Like you’re straight up blaming transgender people for queer oppression but that is predicated on the idea of being going back to behaviours they engaged in long before people even discussed trans people. So clearly the drive to harm queer people doesn’t require pronouns to surface yeah?

I am going to block you now because I think you are an odious and horrible person.

You are a dickhead who prefers to hang out in spaces where being a dickhead to people is welcome. That isn’t the case at blahaj, there’s no reason for you to speak there. You can still read it, and if you want to participate in that culture then you can make a new account and just follow their rules and norms on that account, then be a dickhead about queer people on SJW or whatever with all the little arseholes that will give you a gold star for being “one of the cool queers”

Being rude and belittling people’s concerns, calling people that disagree with you little soft children who have never known hardship, saying that people’s concerns are less valid than yours, blaming trans kids figuring themselves out for the hatred we receive. All of that if being a complete dickhead and a bigot.

Look I’m a 35 year old queer, I have been beaten within an inch of my life and left to die in a gutter, I have lived through cops murdering us for fun and being unable to hold hands in public to now. Hell my government made me get steralised to recognise my gender and gay panic was only removed from the books as a valid legal defense for murder in like the last decade.

I know that looking at some of the online discourse can seem a little strange or trivial, but that’s also what straights have been doing to us for centuries about literally all of our concerns. You don’t know what other people are going through, you don’t get to be the judge of what matters to them, and even if you think someone is being more sensitive than is warranted THEY HAVE TOLD YOU THAT THIS MATTERS TO THEM AND THAT IS TRUE. Regardless of what you feel about it, IT HURTS THEM. Why do you want to hurt people?

There is no line of acceptable behaviour that will make you welcome among the broader straight culture. Don’t beat up on comrades, and if you can’t tolerate that kind of culture then being banned from blahaj is doing you a favour because that is the culture there.

Just… log off and check your head mate.

I find these issues so tiring. Lemmy is a project run by volunteers, usually with specific goals in mind.

While I think that more democratic means of administering instances would be good I also can’t really see how to implement them and if someone is volunteering to run a server then criticising the precise way they do it, especially when moderator actions are public, seem a bit rich.

Different servers have different goal, some are trying to be public squares like this one, where more voices are welcome than not even to the detriment of some people. Others are trying to be safe cozy spaces, or friend clubs or whatever and someone just not liking your vibe is a fine reason to pre-emptively close the door in your face.

When someone does so they’re not even restricting your ability to see things, and usually not even making an account on their instance. You can literally run a bot to mirror everything over to your own version of a community if you don’t like the way they administer theirs. All they are doing is restricting your ability to send messages to their userbase under that particular account. Blahaj is going for a certain vibe, it’s not a vibe I want so I’m not their and I don’t really use their communities but it’s very clearly communicated to the userbase and behaviour like this is done specifically so users that feel vulnerable have a place to be gay with like zero confrontation about the particular way they want to be.

So who cares?

Speculation is pointless, their records will be examined. It wouldn’t be the first time, but even a negative attitude and/or neglect could lead to deaths or suffering which were avoidable. Look at Aboriginal deaths in the healthcare system for an example of this.

Even if these people were utter saints professionally they have harmed everybody by undermining the trust nursing staff need extended to them to do their jobs properly, which benefits all of us.

It’s completely contemptable behaviour that nobody should make excuses for or diminish. Targeting people for where they were born is insane.

The uh scare quotes aren’t really helping your case. Being queer doesn’t mean you automatically understand the seriousness of other queer people’s concerns and it also doesn’t mean you’re free of bigotry.

Consider like lgbt erasure from official histories, many people scoffed at concerns like this and thought it was hysterical pearl clutching to make a big deal about whether or not someone’s sexuality was mentioned or whatever. Others will tell you it literally saved their lives knowing that people like them existed in the past.

I don’t think it’s that hard to just be kind, and if you can’t be kind be funny and then block them and move on :P

Australians are the worst

• signed a terrible Australian

Pretty similar, I had forgotten the name of Jess’s book. I think hers focuses more on legal stuff in Australia iirc and less on the personal psychology but it’s there too.

They’re both using the same body of knowledge.

So if you read that book, or look into any of the research behind DV you will learn that it’s not really a problem women can confront at the source because the psychology behind it is one which fundamentally views women as inferior. In the same way if someone is racist somebody from a group they hate is unlikely to meet with much success trying to change their views (at best probably getting recognition as “one of the good ones”) women talking to men about why we’re actually whole-arse people doesn’t work very well.

Aside from trying in vain to get men to learn literally anything about why DV happens and why they can actually make a massive difference talking to their mates and setting norms for acceptable ideas about women at work/at the gym/at the club etc it’s not really in my means to donate to a shelter or whatever. I do volunteer for the greens around elections.

That said, being a woman in society there’s the sort of basic keeping an eye on things. Making a point to chat with neighbours, hosting drinks, sharing food etc that gives you a bit of a chance to have a network of support for people, victims tend to hide the harm believing themselves to be at fault so there’s not a good chance you’ll actually know. You can call a welfare check on a house if you hear a nasty fight but it’s unlikely to do much.

The left doesn’t want you to know this but 100% of leftist women are dommes

I do note an interesting difference in your approach to how to handle DV vs how to handle someone stringing a wire across a bike path. It may be a contradiction you wish to reflect on.

You might want to read this book to get a better idea behind the psychology of DV.

I’m not trying to have a go, I’m trying to understand. I agree that feeling shut out and having people say awful stuff because of your gender is bad. Surely you see that women deal with this too right though? and extremely extensively.

If you look at the upper echelons of society women are not there, if you look at the trades women aren’t respected, in corporate life women routinely feel like they have to get a man to say their ideas to be taken seriously. When I worked tech support I signed my emails with a man’s name because otherwise customers argued with me (this wasn’t me being ridiculous, my boss asked me to start doing it because he got annoyed reading the tickets going overtime).

So it’s like, surely having experienced some of it you get that all of it is bad right? You wouldn’t arrive at men being under attack, but rather gender equality being important so nobody feels this way.

It’s not like we’re choosing to let domestic violence to continue. We’re just as powerless as anyone else.

I think this is really interesting, who do you think can?

It’s also true that male loneliness is pretty significant, and lonely guys are more prone to developing extreme and hateful views but the only people that can do anything about man to man friendships are other men.

There are some fantastic initiatives like lens sheds that are trying to knit a healthy social structure and almost nobody participates in them.

“but you are a white man, you can’t help anyone” or something of the like. Really sticks with you.

That’s a silly thing to say but it also sounds like it came from the mouth of a teenager? Teenagers say lots of dumb stuff I wouldn’t recommend forming societal views based on them.

Most women have had the experience of being humiliated sexually, and belittled intellectually by young men. Do you feel that women should feel like we’re under attack?

This is what confuses me. I am mostly a lesbian but have dated men a few times. I never resented their traits I would consider manly.

My sisters are married to men and they seem to enjoy the fact that they’re men. They expect their partner to be sensitive, tactful, and mature but that is a basic expectation of every adult and not hard to meet.

My dad is a man, he’s extremely handy and always willing to show us the ropes of some task or help out with his knowledge. That seems like masculinity to me.

I don’t understand what men feel like they’re not allowed to do that is “being a man”. I get some stuff like roided up beauty standards are ridiculous but every human alive deals with impossible celebrity beauty.