Don’t get me wrong, he (17M) doesn’t have to enjoy everything I (18F) like, but he always talks about how much he hates my stuff.
I don’t like his stuff all the time, I like reading and he doesn’t for example. However, he doesn’t like a lot of things, and a post reminded me of this. He has to complain about how he doesn’t like it and how he doesn’t wanna watch stuff with me and how he doesn’t like this stuff and how he’s 17, so he’s so mature and can’t watch my “kid stuff”.
Y’all are still young and figuring yourselves out. Have fun with your relationship, and if you can’t, maybe try to find someone you do have fun with. 😊
Thank you for not being like “DUMP HIM AND BLOCK HIM!!!”
Thank you for not being like “DUMP HIM AND BLOCK HIM!!!”
Unless he’s harming you or you really don’t like him, I wouldn’t recommend dumping him for this either. We’re talking in this thread about his immaturity and things he needs to learn, but you’re not immune to those either. This isn’t meant as an insult. We’re not born knowing this stuff. We mostly learn by “doing”, and usually the most effective lessons are learned from doing it wrong or making a mistake.
This is the time in your (and his) life when you are supposed to make mistakes as you explore the world and learn/decide who you are. I’m not talking high risk behavior with lifetime consequences like crime or having children yourself this young, but mistakes about how to treat people and how to expect to be treated, etc. This applies to romantic relationships as well as platonic friendships. You’re going to make mistakes. You’re going to hurt other’s feelings. You’re probably not doing that intentionally.
If you were to dump him right now just for this, you’d also lose the opportunities to learn. He’s making a mistake with you on this “kid stuff” position. You might be making mistakes on him on something else. Learn the lessons of life. Learn where your boundaries are. Learn who you are. Keep asking questions! You are doing life just fine right now.
This exactly.
Thank you so much! I didn’t see this as an insult at all, I don’t plan on breaking up with him. I plan on staying with him forever if it works out <3
He got into falling outs because apparently he didn’t listen to them or care but then he said expecting him to care and have empathy or listen was toxic and controlling. I try not to tell him to care because he struggles with empathy but, yeah. He may have struggles, but no one else can be more perfect for me than he can <3
I’m not going to say dump him and block him, but definitely take time to consider why you like each other, and why you’re dating and in a relationship. If he doesn’t like the same things you like (and actively is vocal about that dislike), what do you have in common? He seems to belittle your interests, does he belittle all of your interests or only certain things? Does he belittle you directly? I think it’s belittling of you indirectly by saying the things you like are “kid stuff”, implying you’re childish if you like them.
I know I don’t have the full story and all the details of your relationship, you posted a complaint about this one thing, but it does raise some red flags to be aware of. Do what makes you happy, and if these things that bother you are small enough that the rest of the relationship is worth it, great! But you’re both young enough, and there’s never a need to lock in a relationship that isn’t satisfying for each of you.
He never belittles me besides the “kid stuff”, he’s okay with me having interests, but he just doesn’t like most stuff because he thinks he’s too mature. We both really like each other and we like TV shows like South Park and American Dad. They don’t come up often unless I ask him if he wants to watch something with me, and he only belittles things that are cartoonish or not from the 90s.
Absolutely! Life is short, but you still have a lot of it ahead of you. This is the age you’re meant to be having fun and learning who you are and who you want to be.
Your advice is gospel in this thread. Really good. 38 with a family now, looking back at myself at that age, it’s so true what you say. 👌
Thanks! I appreciate it.
Thank you!!! 😊
Who is he trying to be cool for if not for you?
Probably other people his age
yeah
Someone who treats you and your likes as insignificant is not a significant other. Stop wasting your time with them and find someone that appreciates you for you.
Thanks so much :D He’s doing better about my interests but still
maybe he is insecure about being “cool”, tysmmm
(17M)
There it is. That’s the issue. One’s teenage years are a time of figuring out one’s identity, and a huge helping of insecurity about it. He’s giving away the game by claiming to be so mature.
Spoiler: He desperately wants to be seen by others as mature, but he doesn’t feel it inside yet.That’s why he makes a big show of rejecting “kid stuff.” Nobody needs to point out what’s obvious about themselves, so if he felt mature, he wouldn’t need to say it.
He’ll get there eventually. In the mean time, he’s hurting your feelings. Tell him that, in plain words, like, “Badmouthing the things that I like makes me feel bad. It makes me wonder why you’re with me. You don’t have to like them, but please accept the fact that I do like these things, and keep any criticism to yourself.”
I’m 21, my fiancée is 23. We are a few years older than you but I just agree with the others to tell him not to speak badly of your interests. We all like different things, and some stuff I don’t like that she does, but I won’t speak badly of those things she likes. You’ll figure it out with him, talk it out :D
Real maturity is liking what you like because you like it (as long as what you like isn’t hurting anyone), not because of what other people tell you to like. At 17 and male, I have zero expectations he’s figured that out yet though. That’s okay though at this point. One day he’ll realize this, just we all do, and look back with regret at missing out on things he liked and shame that he belittled others for liking what they like.
He has to complain about how he doesn’t like it and how he doesn’t wanna watch stuff with me and how he doesn’t like this stuff and how he’s 17, so he’s so mature and can’t watch my “kid stuff”.
Be honest with him that you still like whatever show this is, and while he’s not required to watch it you like spending time with him, and if he’s refusing to even be in the same room when this show is on, then you both lose out on spending time together.
My partner likes listening to the radio in her car. I hate radio ads and only listen to music from my phone. That’s fine. I don’t think less of her for not minding the ads. Fortunately, she turns the radio off when I’m in her car and she doesn’t seem to mind my music when I’m driving. I’m also more than two decades older than you. He’s just a teen. Tell him you don’t like him talking down to you and just let it go as teenage bullshit.
The brain isn’t fully developed until the age of 25 or so. You both have 7 to 8 years to figure it out. Enjoy the ups and downs!
I think it’s fine to have different interests in a relationship, but maybe you should have a conversation with him about how he communicates those opinions. It can be hurtful to hear someone you care about complain about your hobbies, even if he’s not doing so with the intention of hurting your feelings. Maturity involves respecting other people, and that includes allowing others to enjoy things without shaming them. That said, if you know he doesn’t like a lot of the same things as you, it’s probably better to focus on the interests that you know you have in common while probing out other compatible interests.
