I really suck at mapping feelings to situations. I don’t know what causes this (I don’t know if the what or the why even matters), but sometimes it can fucking hit. I can go from feeling everything to feeling nothing, and the latter makes me believe I never truly felt the way I thought I did. Can anyone relate?
Maybe it’s as simple as boundaries? Maybe I discover dealbreakers that are hard to ignore? Maybe it’s because sometimes, I feel like I need more alone time than usual, and people always seem to take this personally. Which is why I force myself to hang around for way too long
I fear this is something that therapy can never fix because I am simply describing neurodivergence incarnate
Or maybe current society requires people to love in an unnatural way. Monogamy isn’t the rule in the wild, it is the exception. And when it happens, monogamy might be valid for a single mating season only. Or until the baby can survive on its own. Why humans should be different?
Maybe you just need to relax and welcome feelings that come as a wave. They come and go. Those feelings have highs and lows. And don’t get too attached to those society rules and roles that won’t hurt anybody if you don’t follow.
This is why we’re divergent. We diverge from this society model. In another society model, we wouldn’t be divergent, we would be typical.
Damn I think you may have hit at the root of the issue. I re-connected with someone recently who really understood me, until I hinted at the fact that I might not be down with a traditional monogamous relationship. I think they kinda took it personally because they seem to believe that some kind of monogamous relationship should be at the center of everything in life.
The older I get though, that type of life doesn’t really make sense to me, I don’t think this world is meant to be faced head-on by two people alone.
Look up the term Aroflux, you may find yourself resonating with it.
This isn’t something you need to “fix.” Your feelings are valid as is.
That kinda tracks tbh
Strange though because a lot of it stems from my sense in a visual way. Simply put, something as simple as how it “looks” outside can make or break whether I feel “love” or not. I’m talking about something as basic as the weather here. Absolutely blows because otherwise I’m not saying how I truly feel (like shit) and using pleasant words as filler.
I suppose that’s what’s always been difficult with this stuff for me, the fact that I can never seem to identify with a particular label
The person I consider my partner isn’t a romantic or sexual partner in any way but I still love her, it just manifests differently in our dynamic.
Try and find someone who’s okay with only occasionally doing romantic shit would be my advice.
I can go from feeling everything to feeling nothing, and the latter makes me believe I never truly felt the way I thought I did. Can anyone relate?
Yup. Ive felt this a lot of times. Idk how to navigate it. I just ride the feelings as they come i guess. The hardest part is remembering i did feel something. But through journaling i found some respite from that
😮💨 I hope to eventually get to a place where journaling provides some sort of solace. Instead though, when I write down feelings, I’m left ruminating on whether I actually did feel that way in the moment. It feels like I’m just reading words :(
