I really suck at mapping feelings to situations. I don’t know what causes this (I don’t know if the what or the why even matters), but sometimes it can fucking hit. I can go from feeling everything to feeling nothing, and the latter makes me believe I never truly felt the way I thought I did. Can anyone relate?
Maybe it’s as simple as boundaries? Maybe I discover dealbreakers that are hard to ignore? Maybe it’s because sometimes, I feel like I need more alone time than usual, and people always seem to take this personally. Which is why I force myself to hang around for way too long
I fear this is something that therapy can never fix because I am simply describing neurodivergence incarnate
That kinda tracks tbh
Strange though because a lot of it stems from my sense in a visual way. Simply put, something as simple as how it “looks” outside can make or break whether I feel “love” or not. I’m talking about something as basic as the weather here. Absolutely blows because otherwise I’m not saying how I truly feel (like shit) and using pleasant words as filler.
I suppose that’s what’s always been difficult with this stuff for me, the fact that I can never seem to identify with a particular label
The person I consider my partner isn’t a romantic or sexual partner in any way but I still love her, it just manifests differently in our dynamic.
Try and find someone who’s okay with only occasionally doing romantic shit would be my advice.