Turns out, if you throw your trash on the ground, paying someone to pick up litter in Norway doesn’t remove the trash you threw on the ground.

I don’t understand why I am not losing weight. I have bought a whole bunch of donut offsets from sub Saharan Africans who weren’t planning to eat donuts in the first place.

Let’s not even consider what happens when the forests that were planted as carbon offsets burn from a lightning strike. “Sorry you have to buy your last 30 years of carbon offsets again, because they just rejoined the atmosphere.”