(Washington DC) As republicans respond to election loses and the Epstein files become a distant summer dream, the US Department of Transportation announced that, should the government ever reopen, work will immediately begin to widen roads to accommodate new vehicles being produced by Chevy and planned by Ford and Dodge. Referred to as “Double Wide” trucks, the vehicles are 50% wider than traditional wide trucks, and base models stand 10 feet from the ground with basic packages. Chevy announced the vehicles will be hitting stores in early 2026.

“These babies are huge,” said Zap Chestman, Chevy’s head of promotional releases. “You could roll over a Prius in one of these and never know it till the cops showed up… to give you a high five.” Chestman noted that the vehicles stand taller than many custom, lifted trucks, and would be safer for children - once roads are widened - as many vehicles would pass younger children under the vehicle if they miss the tires. “We ran a test and children as old as six can pass safely under a Double Wide with lifted tires… and we find children older than that are really nimble. Once you exceed a certain height, the vehicle becomes even more safe for pedestrians, like with an airplane.”

Not all truck owners are excited about the change, or its lofty price tag. “I just got a King Ranch for $110,000, and lifted tires for another $20,000,” said Leo Sturbgetter, a cow detangler in lower Colorado. I don’t think I can handle $250,000 for a new truck… even though I don’t want a new truck owner looking down at me in traffic. I never thought I’d say it, but maybe a truck can be too big.”

Proponents of the vehicle note that the vehicle is not much larger than the largest vehicles on the road today, and that new roads will allow better room to maneuver for smaller cars and busses. They also note that new technologies like the door elevator can be used for accessibility with the handicapped, even in normal vehicles. Chestman highlights that interest is already high for the first production vehicles. “There has been an arms race in vehicle size for safety over the last 10 years, and we’re sure our owners will feel like they have an F-35, especially when they pay to refuel it. Chevy will let you look down on the world, starting next year.”

Representatives for the future Ford Executer or Dodge Ozymanduis could not be contacted by newstime.