There are two kinds of men that make me feel whole/that I’m a fool for.

The flashy man with the charisma and charm and money and who’s probably unavailable and constantly busy and doesn’t really want me but is a Pinnochio playboy.

And then the quiet but confident man who is fit and has that anime build and who I feel safe around and who is actually available and emotionally attentive to me.

I want to be good enough for the first because if I’m valid to him that means I’m beautiful and unstoppable and safe but I feel I have to prove myself to him and he’d probably just trigger my bpd. And the second guy probably thinks low of me and we probably wouldn’t really cross paths but if he sees me then I’m kind and taking care of me.

I won’t end up with either though. I’ll just be sad old ugly and die alone.