I feel like crap all the time, and I’m running out of curt answers.
I don’t want to lie and say I’m good just because that’s what’s expected of me, but I don’t want to invite discussion into why I feel poorly.
My go-to response is “Living the dream,” because if this life is a dream I hope to wake up soon. Plus not only is it considered an acceptable answer, it can be played off as a joke.
If anyone needs extra context, being asked “how are you” is an extended part of the greeting here. The asker is really just saying hello still, and although some kind of answer is expected, they aren’t actually curious about your welfare. A genuine response throws people off balance, and is probably unwarranted. Think of coworkers, service workers, or even total strangers being asked this dozens of times a day.
“Still kicking but not screaming!”
“I’m not sure”
It’s rarely all bad. Then that would be simply the answer. The problem is that it’s often complicated (not the emotional capacity of a teaspoon, for those who get that reference) and idk how to summarise that into a single feeling so I literally don’t know what the answer is and so that’s when you get an idk from me
If it’s just a pleasantry by some english person (in my language this isn’t a standard question a stranger or customer support will ask you) then I’ll probably pick a random euphemism
Treat it non-literally. Say ‘How’s it going?’ which turns it into a greeting rather than a question.
“As always.” is an old favorite of mine. They’ll assume things are neither particularly good nor bad, when what you mean is that you always feel bad.
My goto is “Every day is better than the next.”
I’m awake, but I’d rather not be.
“Good, you?”
“I am vertical.”
“up and not crying”
…that is, if I’m not crying.
just say “Life, ya know” If they are only being polite they’ll answer “for sure” and thats it.
If they really care and want to know theyll ask more and then you can go into more detail.Brought to you by “protocols autistic people have to memorize” lol that being me
“Well enough” if you want to be genuine, but brief and convey that things are not aces.
But usually just mirroring “How are you!” in the same tone as the first part of the greeting establishes that it is a ritual, not a question.
“Better than I deserve”
I am visibly disabled. the last time i was asked some version of “hey, how are you” that was not in a clinical situation was over a decade ago. people use different phatic expressions because they fear I might answer honestly.
my usual answer is “i’m alive/here. that makes it a good day” which people take as an optimistic greeting but folk who know me well, uh
“I’ve been worse”
“Thanks, how are/about you?”
So, not responding and directing the attention to the person who asked. Especially useful, if the person asking isn’t even (genuinely) interested, but just asking as a form of greeting. The ones who care might either understand you don’t want to talk about it or will inquire once more.
Hmm… Now that I think about it, that is awfully close to some US American’s way of replying with the exact same question, omitting any kind of reply, concluding the greeting.
