People who tell you to get a hobby are only telling you step 2. Step 1 is give up.
The reason you hear “get a hobby” so often is because it works. But you’re not told how it works and why giving up first is so important. Getting a hobby works because you develop a passion and skills, which are attractive. But it also broadens your social circle. You meet more people directly, yes, but you also make new friends. Friends who might just know someone who is single and looking and perfect for you. You think you’re the only one who thinks apps and bars suck?
And the reason Step 1 is give up is because ulterior motives aren’t really a good reason to pursue a hobby, and because that shit shows. You wind up being that guy at the D&D table. Desperate at best and predatory at worst, neither of which are attractive.
If someone shows an interest or sets you up with a friend, great! But that’s no longer your goal. You’ve given up, remember? Better yourself and make more friends. You’ll be more attractive and have more opportunities.
If it doesn’t work, ok. Then some unc on the internet was wrong. Wouldn’t be the first time. But it’s clear that you’re not satisfied with the results of your current approach.
Really tbh the best part is the assumption “oh you have trouble finding a committed relationship? Must be because you literally do absolutely nothing and have no hobbies at all, you’re probably the only one who has figured out stasis.” Like what do you think I just go into a coma? Sure work and sleep takes up a good majority of my time like anyone else but then after that I simply cease to exist until my next shift?
I’m also gonna go ahead and push back on the whole “give up” thing (and don’t let me fool you, I have given up lol, but), women do not make the first move most of the time, if I expect to get any dates I’m gonna have to be the one to ask. Literally only one woman has ever asked me out (and I said yes I’d love to, and she short circuited and walked away without another word like “cool does Friday work for you” or any of the normal things you or I might say to a yes.) I have followed the “give up” advice but that doesn’t mean I’m expecting to actually find love this way, I’m expecting to die alone and get eaten by my cats, I just hope I can provide them enough sustenance they can get rescued when my neighbors start smelling my body. Not exactly romantic but it’s easier than dealing with the current dating climate (which everyone acknowledges is a nightmare until a guy says it, then he’s an incel.)
And even if you’ve given up, looking forward to that future can still make you sad, you’re still allowed to want to love and be loved, such is the human condition.
People who tell you to get a hobby are only telling you step 2. Step 1 is give up.
The reason you hear “get a hobby” so often is because it works. But you’re not told how it works and why giving up first is so important. Getting a hobby works because you develop a passion and skills, which are attractive. But it also broadens your social circle. You meet more people directly, yes, but you also make new friends. Friends who might just know someone who is single and looking and perfect for you. You think you’re the only one who thinks apps and bars suck?
And the reason Step 1 is give up is because ulterior motives aren’t really a good reason to pursue a hobby, and because that shit shows. You wind up being that guy at the D&D table. Desperate at best and predatory at worst, neither of which are attractive.
If someone shows an interest or sets you up with a friend, great! But that’s no longer your goal. You’ve given up, remember? Better yourself and make more friends. You’ll be more attractive and have more opportunities.
If it doesn’t work, ok. Then some unc on the internet was wrong. Wouldn’t be the first time. But it’s clear that you’re not satisfied with the results of your current approach.
Really tbh the best part is the assumption “oh you have trouble finding a committed relationship? Must be because you literally do absolutely nothing and have no hobbies at all, you’re probably the only one who has figured out stasis.” Like what do you think I just go into a coma? Sure work and sleep takes up a good majority of my time like anyone else but then after that I simply cease to exist until my next shift?
I’m also gonna go ahead and push back on the whole “give up” thing (and don’t let me fool you, I have given up lol, but), women do not make the first move most of the time, if I expect to get any dates I’m gonna have to be the one to ask. Literally only one woman has ever asked me out (and I said yes I’d love to, and she short circuited and walked away without another word like “cool does Friday work for you” or any of the normal things you or I might say to a yes.) I have followed the “give up” advice but that doesn’t mean I’m expecting to actually find love this way, I’m expecting to die alone and get eaten by my cats, I just hope I can provide them enough sustenance they can get rescued when my neighbors start smelling my body. Not exactly romantic but it’s easier than dealing with the current dating climate (which everyone acknowledges is a nightmare until a guy says it, then he’s an incel.)
And even if you’ve given up, looking forward to that future can still make you sad, you’re still allowed to want to love and be loved, such is the human condition.
Damn, I feel you dude. I could have written this whole comment.