If a woman on a flying broom asks to give the baby a gift, say no and don’t let her inside. Her gift ideas are terrible.

Never live near anyone who teaches swordfighting.

If a man in a pointy had declares your child is the chosen one, deny it and do not let him or a gift from him anywhere near the child. Your home town will last longer.

If your child begins showing signs of wild uncontrollable powers, you are doomed. Take out life insurance.

  • Iron Lynx@lemmy.world
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    3 days ago

    If your child talks about having seen an angel with any magnitude of conviction, get your affairs in order immediately, it may already be too late.

  • ViatorOmnium@piefed.social
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    4 days ago

    If a man in a pointy had declares your child is the chosen one, deny it and do not let him or a gift from him anywhere near the child. Your home town will last longer.

    Destiny doesn’t care. That will just lock in the “Refusal of the call” flavour, and ensure your violent death as the catalyst to get your heroic kid on their merry way. What you want is to Bilbo the fuck out of it by instilling enough hero complex on the kiddo that they will pull a Frodo and go head first when it gets to the point of saving the world/princess/whatever.

  • Ziggurat@jlai.lu
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    4 days ago

    If your kid tells he wants to be an adventurer, drop-him for adoption. Too many people in that job have both parent and all their friend who died