TouchMacaque

I met this guy once and he had a snowblower full of cum it was actually pretty impressive, I asked him how he got such cum covered sidewalks and he told me he was Hugh Hefner’s squire.

My smoking partner once told me he got some illegal treats from a eugenicist named Paul back when he was just a young boy. I asked him what they were but he just kept giving me these ridiculous cryptic answers like “fibreglass cotton balls” and “sporadic fish crystals”. One day I had enough so I took his smokes away and smoked them all by myself. A message appeared in the smoke that finally explained the secrets of Paul the eugenicist, his secrets were too dark that even I can’t repeat them. So if you ask me what they are I’m sorry but fibreglass cotton balls give me cuts all over my rectum when I shove them in my ass.

The dog buried it in Nancy’s back yard but Bruce found out about it and dug it up and gave it to someone else’s dog. Who knows what that dog does with it but if I had to wager a guess I’d say he’s using it as a sounding rod.

Ten seconds is too generous

She ate too many chestnuts

I’m honored that you think I’m as smart as an artificial intelligence.

My porno scavenging ex step sister in law used to donate blood every 3 moons but one day she just kind of stopped. When we would ask her why she stopped giving blood she told us it’s because she watched inspector gadget and he told her that if she kept donating blood she wouldn’t get $25.41 to buy some book called Gary Potter and the platypus hymens from some guy she used to scavenge porno with who lives down the street. So many lives lost because she never gave blood again.

A few months ago I ate horse sashimi in hida Japan, I’d like to think those horses got to have a fun airplane ride to get there like I did

$26.51 is exactly the right amount to buy my elderly neighbour Lucy’s favorite book, “Gary Potter and the platypus hymen”. I’ve never read it but she’s told me that it’s about a young Welsh magician named Gary who can’t stop harvesting platypus hymens to feed to his pet snake because he thinks it gives it the power of love, but instead all it does is cause an environmental disaster in Uzbekistan. Anyway my neighbor died around the same time as the little boy in the other meme posted on here about blood donation so I went through her stuff and grabbed a copy of that book. I’ll sell it to you for $26.51 but only if you’ll feed me chips while I drive a cement truck to Trinidad, I’ve heard they really need to cover the entire island in concrete so the animals and plants all go away, they’ve been squatting there for thousands of years like vagrants.

About 58 bus rides ago my dad’s dog came across a guy on the bus listening to dog whistle sounds without headphones, no one on the bus could hear but the dog. Needless to say that dog stood on it’s back legs looked him straight in the eyes and said “you’ll never not be an asshole but at least you’ll feel my rage” and waved his magic stick he found at the park. That assholes ears turned into dog ears and he heard the agony of the dog whistle he was playing. He then turned it off apologized to the dog and brought him home with him. He’s my dad now but anything could happen 58 bus rides from now.

Wrong Island, you wanted pepstein Island owned by the original Pepsi recipe creator Geoff Pepstein

Don’t forget the classic “I got it on on Epstein’s Island and all I got was this shitty presidency and my victims will probably never face justice because I’m such an old piece of shit but everyone also hopes that my cult followers will pull a Jonestown when I’m gone so they can follow me to the promised land and we can eat unlimited hamburgers and diet Coke but because I went to hell all I get to eat are tacos Al pastor made by a guy who’s never heard of Mexico while a bird named Gerry feeds another bird named Gerry some pie made out of my eyeballs”

I’ve got electric lights in my house too but you don’t see me giving them to plants do you?

Guess I’ll never get into Jay’s bone zone. Love you Doug.

How the hell would I generate these using a Liquor License of Montreal? That makes about as much sense as shaving a kiwi to ride an airplane toy to the oven.

I like saying words too

If you dump it on your garden it’ll make your vegetables salty so that when you eat them you don’t have to add seasoning. The more salt you put the better the plants will do. My grandpa Ahmed used to tell me about that trick when I was a kid and his yard was the most wonderful desert.

My name used to be Rachel but they made it illegal in my country after the Friends finale so I had to change it to Dave. It doesn’t really suit me but it’s nice whenever I introduce myself people are like “wow. Dave, that’s such a unique name”. I’ve only ever met one other Dave in my life and he was a total loser like me so we hit it off pretty well and got married 6 days ago at a Asian grocery store in The Dominican Republic.

I hope I meet another Dave one day so I can marry him too. I’ve considered changing my name back to Rachel since it doesn’t seem to be illegal anymore but you know that name just doesn’t suit me as well as Dave.

My great grandmother’s Danish step aunt used to buy sticks of RAM for her husband every Valentine’s Day, she would ram them into his ass but they would just break and it was a total waste of money. Five years ago she passed away because she didn’t know you’re supposed to huff jenkem and drank the bottle, they held the funeral at an Arby’s in Texas and placed bottles of jenkem all over the place and the staff were pretty upset. Thankfully it’s Arby’s so there weren’t any other customers.

Not necessarily, have you ever tried to eat a fleshlight? Doesn’t work. Have you ever tried to eat a rotisserie chicken? Delicious. Who cares if it’s filled with the cum of my past 6 ejaculations. Plus you can make some tasty broth with the bones after.

Oh and one more thing, why is a rotisserie chicken ten dollars at the grocery store but the raw uncooked ones are like 14 dollars? Is the discount because I’ve already ejaculated into it 6 times before I even bought it? What a deal!