you fail to understand that people can have very real and ernest friendships that are different from your presuppositions around friendship

What makes you think that? It’s nice if you don’t put on a front in different social settings, but many people absolutely do. Which in itself I find completely understandable. We are social animals and deeply dependent on being accepted and loved, and society certainly doesn’t hold back with expectations, which most of us then try to meet in one way or another.

I tend to not talk about myself that much anyway (I also have a therapist, which may contribute to my not feeling like I need to), and when I’m with friends who do, I mostly listen

If that’s what you prefer more power to you, just would be tragic if you did so because you felt pressured into it.

And it just so happens that society does put the expectation on men especially not to overshare, to rarely show vulnerability if at all, to be strong for others, to silently endure.

That doesn’t mean men who adhere to those expectations can’t legitimately have fun with their friends (or even feel like that’s all they want from friendships).

And maybe you are 100% capable of chosing how open and trusting you are, devoid of all social expectations, I don’t know you. Maybe you just so happen to arrive at a set of behaviours that match what society wants and expects from men. If not, this is something that we as a society have taken away and in a way continue to withhold from you. And that would indeed be sad, just because of how unfair that would be. It certainly is for the many people out there who are in fact incapable of this other kind of friendship (e.g. where you assign value to your feelings and experiences and want to share them) - not by an informed choice, but through subtle social pressure. That’s what I meant originally.

Makes sense. In any case, it’s great he’s getting help. Hope he gets better soon!

To be fair psychiatrists in Germany see you for just as short a time. Psychotherapists see you for an hour a week. Psychiatrists just prescribe medication and don’t actually talk to you beyond that.

Many people don’t know the difference though so your friend might simply believe they get an hour with a psychiatrist. And than there’s the rare exception of a psychiatrist who is in fact also a trained psychotherapist. Most of them still call themselves psychiatrist, because doctors have a much higher social standing than psychologists (which in germany most psychotherapists are). Its complicated. But in general: Most psychiatrists have very little time for their patients.

(Source: Am psychotherapist in Germany and know our complicated system very well.)

When I am with a gal friend a kinda switch gears

Doesn’t that make you stop and think? Why is it necessary to swich gears at all? I mean what’s actually your authentic self and why is he not allowed in (at least?) one of those situations?

Damn that’s sad

nothing we do will matter in a million years

But it will still be the truth.

Maybe what we do won’t matter in the sense of having a discernable effect, but there is something eternal about every bit of us anyway. In a million years it will still be true that once there was a fresh parsnip on this strange small platform called lemmy, hitting buttons on a keyboard and communicating with people from all over their little wet rock of a planet, attempting to connect and to understand. Every kindness of you, every act of bravery, everything you’re proud of in your past is now as true as it was then and as it will be next year. And that will never go away. F o r e v e r.

(Of course, this is also correct for everything we’re ashamed of - but if we try to make the best of it, that too becomes a universal truth about us.)

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Nice. And anyway, no shade whatsoever to libraries, they deserve every penny they get. Absolutely fair to pay for replacements in my book.

If items are one month overdue, we will bill you for the replacement cost.

I mean… I get it, but that sound like a fee to me.

Was für coole Kostümideen ey! Hexe als Clown verkleidet - geil. Ich war Cowgirl (lange bevor ich wusste was “sexy” heißt), Piratenkapitänin, Walküre, solche Dinge. Lauter Kriegerinnen. Und das beste waren immer die Gadgets, und Pistolen waren die besten Gadgets, weil viele bewegliche Teile und eindrucksvolle Effekte. Mit dem Plastikring im Bild konnte man nachladen, ein paar Mal schießen, und dann roch alles nach Schwarzpulver, metallisch und rußig, und nach verschmortem Plastik. Absolut ikonischer Geruch, hab ich direkt wieder in der Nase.

Vielleicht bist du nicht zu weiblich sozialisiert um das zu kennen, sondern zu pazifistisch? ;)

Nie als Cowgirl zur Fasnet?

Das abgebildete Produkt heißt ja aber auch gar nicht Milk. Sondern Notmlk.

Yeah, the native functions works for most apps, but not discord unfortunately. But thanks alot for looking around! Will try your solution when I get back home tonight.

I’m using mint with cinnamon.

I did try to look for a solution online, found other annoyed users with the same problem and no solution, and kinda gave up tbh.

Maybe I do have to switch at least the DE in order to solve this, but at the end of the day it’s really just a small annoyance.

The problem is that discord forces itself in front of every other window I currently use on the main monitor, twice, while it starts and auto updates. Manually dragging it away once it’s open is the smaller annoyance compared to the distraction of having to switch back to my other application two times in a row. And I guess the only solution would be for it to start on the secondary monitor in the first place, so it could go and take center stage where it doesn’t annoy and distract me.

Sounds really useful. I guess there’s no equivalent on mint though? Tried to search for one just now, but then again I’m still a noob and could be looking for the wrong thing.

Still, not the first time I’ve heard about the superiority of KDE plasma. Thanks for sharing.

I can’t for the life of me get discord to start on my secondary monitor.

But eh, you get used to it.

I’m not sure what you’re looking for here.

I’m trying to show you that your case isn’t convincing.

If your book could logically prove something, or at least argue convincingly (logically!) in favor of it, maybe it would in fact be interesting. Then you could repeat the arguments here (and elsewhere, and scientists would be doing just that) and we’d actually have some kind of discussion with something to gain for both of us. Anecdotes are, scientifically speaking, basically worthless. At best they’re used to create hypotheses, never to test them or to prove something. And even a great sum of them simply aren’t science.

And I’m sorry to say but this very much reminds me of conspiracy theories, e.g. flat earth theory, were science is really clear about something while a few laypeople on youtube think to themselves “I bet all those researchers just didn’t think of this, which to me on the other hand is completely obvious”.

Your claim is absolutely extraordinary. You would have to present an absolutely powerful, convincing logical argument in order to even begin to support it. “Someone claimed it happened to them” simply isn’t that, no matter how well it’s written.

Out of curiosity I just checked if I could find it. I couldn’t, which isn’t surprising - a book isn’t a scientific publication, so sources are rarely of great interest.

But in general: It would take hours, maybe days of work to cross reference the sources of a whole book with what the author claims they prove. Obviously I won’t do that. How many papers from the bibliography have you read? If you own the book, at least you should have easy access to it’s sources.

I believe in helium balloons too. Does that mean I don’t believe in gravity?

Physics can explain helium balloons really well. There’s no mystery here. And they’re certainly not disproving gravity.

Einstein didn’t even get a nobel prize for special relativity because it was considered too radical at the time.

Einstein had no easily repeated experiments to show off. You’re claiming ghosts are measurable in a repeatable way - simple enough to be explained in a book for laypeople . At least after the third or fourth study with robust methodology the scientific community would be talking about nothing else. And I know that because I am surrounded by the kind of researchers you’re thinking of when you say “scientists”. They’re a bunch of nerds, they love that stuff. And they research ominous stuff all the time, a biology professor here spent 3 years studying healing crystals in drinking water. Disappointingly they found nothing.

And why do you assume this science has gone ‘unnoticed’? We’re talking about it, aren’t we?

Well to be fair we’re talking about a claim that such research exist, which is miles off from discussing actual research, which would be done by scientists in order to validate it’s operationalisation and discuss their findings.

The thing is: extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence. A book simply isn’t that. It’s way too easily faked, isn’t subject to the scientific method, peer review, any form of control or critical oversight and at the end of the day profits not from the truth but from being sold. And you are here doing advertising for them, so it seems like they are succeeding at that.

I’m not trying to persuade you. I believe that would be hard to do at this point. What I’m trying to say here, referring to the thread and OP’s question: It’s not unreasonable to think that you, and everyone else being convinced by a very entertaining and captivating book outside of the actual scientific method, are unreasonable.

One book simply shouldn’t be this convincing.