I don’t have a gender , I used to identify as transmasc but don’t relate to masculinity so I think agender is right. Don’t like being perceived as or being a woman but wouldn’t like being a man either. I hate the ‘born this way’ narrative, we shouldn’t have to justify why we’re trans. I feel a lot of research about gender being “hardwired” just reinforces bio essentialism under the name of ‘acceptance’ , it’s always agab language and treating sex as an absolute truth. i didn’t fully realize everything until recently , like I said earlier trans people don’t need justification for why they exist.

i hate how I look, not even a big shirt hides everything. want to go on t but it’s 30 $ from RxAisle. There’s no reason to wait but I’m so scared.

Going anywhere other than this site online is a mistake. i previously had a Tumblr account but deleted it , then created one yesterday , searching things on Tumblr is aggravating. ppl conflate being pro-palestine w being anti-Semitic. so I delete the app. i tried to use the app only for writing requests but it’s just too much for me.

fuck the nhs. i found a website dedicated to someone who died of ed complications. This person had a history of anorexia, was dying and neither 2 orgs that were supposed to help them did anything. ghoul shit.

i don’t know what language to learn, I used to be interested in learning Indonesian but lost interest. i want to learn a language but getting anything done is frustrating . same with writing song lyrics/poems. i wrote something week ago but can’t think of anything

feel trapped. honestly considering dropping my therapist since everytime I vent to her about sensory overload or transphobia, she tells me to get over it. idk whats the purpose of therapy if it’s just her shaming me for not ‘controlling my emotions’. i have doubts about me ‘getting better’. have thoughts about screaming and beating people up. aggravating that no one listens to me , even mh professionals. am glad I stopped menstruating but paranoid about bleeding again.

I uninstalled fluffychat since i couldn’t add any emotes to a chat room . I don’t remember the GitHub password so now I can’t do anything. so fucking stupid. socializing with people is difficult even w someone I’ve known for years like my therapist . I freeze up then can’t get out.

___ my brain feels like it’s broken . I keep reading articles from therapy service websites just to make myself more angry. more than 3 years of therapy yet I feel worse. I don’t even want suggestions from mental health ‘professionals’ since I know it’s the same bullshit Abt ‘loving your body’.