Context: A young adult tells his mother that he’s depressed and that life is meaningless and that he wants to die (suicide is not directly mentioned but implied). Then the mother proceeds to express “regretting giving birth to you” directly to that young adult.
(That young adult is me)
“Normal”, hmmm. I remember being confused at school when we had to analyse literature and “motherly love” was given as an example of a universal theme. Really? Not in my experience. According to my own dear mama, my younger sister and I were both mistakes. She made it very clear always what a heinous burden we were.
In retrospect, she was a terrible person for saying such things. We were not awful kids, and grew up to be pretty good people. Yes, we’ve both struggled a bit with depression and self doubt, but on the whole, not bad.
So I would say your mother’s cruelty isn’t what’s generally considered “normal”, but it’s not that uncommon. Some people shouldn’t have children, in my view. There’s a lot of societal pressure to procreate in the first place, and then barriers to choosing not to. And it must be horrendous to find yourself not enjoying motherhood at all when it’s supposed to be your peak experience. Still no excuse for such meanness though.
Carry on living, young adult! It’s too easy to get dragged down by shit like this. Life is fleeting in the grand sweep of the universe, keep your heart open to possibilities and options and chances. And remind your mother that you’ll be choosing her care home one day.
Not normal, just uhhh… maybe common.
I don’t know how your mom is, but I found this funny recently, maybe you’ll too:
Not normal, just uhhh… maybe common.
I was trying to think of a way to put it, but that’s a good sentence in this context for sure.
Also, yes, blood relation does not mean you have to put up with some asshole’s cruelty. Cut them out if you can.
I was just consuming some media and that line of “regretting giving birth” came up and I was just like: I hope that’s not that common.
Not normal, just uhhh… maybe common.
Either you don’t know what normal is or common is if you think they’re different things…
Cancer is not normal cell tissue, but it’s very common. They are different words, with different meanings.
I’m so glad you chimed in. Everyone loves someone who starts a silly, pedantic argument for no good reason. That’s even more true on a thread where someone wants a serious response.
Maybe. The way I understand it:
Normal is something that’s basically the way it should be, while common just refers to being of higher frequency of occurence, regularly seen.
For example: “Is police brutality normal?” vs “Is police brutality common?”
No and yes.Normal is something that’s basically the way it should be,
That is incorrect
First definition from your link:
conforming to a type, standard, or regular pattern characterized by that which is considered usual, typical, or routine
I’m guessing the other person meant “the way it should be” not in a normative way but as in “the way you’d expect it to be since that’s the usual way”. That’s in line with the definition. Bottom line is both have several definitions but “normal” definitely has a very different connotation from “common”.
I’m guessing the other person meant “the way it should be”
That’s a pretty safe guess considering they explicitly said that…
But I don’t think I’m going to make much ground explaining to you why they’re wrong either
You misunderstood that sentence but I’m fine with leaving it be too.
I think you need to go to a therapist
That is something my mother said to me a lot. Along with, “I brought you into this world, and I can take you out of it”. It’s fucked up, because it’s not like anyone chooses to be born. These are not normal things for a parent to say by any means. It’s emotional abuse.
You deserve better than that! It’s not easy cutting ties with family, but life is a lot easier when you’re not dealing with such a toxic, resentful human in your life.
My mom said it to me frequently before I cut her out, which is a pretty good indication it’s not normal. A therapist would tell you that’s a reflection of her issues; if she had a different kid instead of you she would have said the same thing to them. You, as a person, don’t really factor into why she feels that way.
As for your feelings, let me know what you come up with. I’m in the same boat emotionally and I don’t see a way out either.
Does it happen. Yes.
Is it normal or healthy. No.
I knew a mother who raised her daughter knowing she was rape baby. Told her since she was five years old. That is seriously fucked up. I can only imagine the psychological issues this would cause.
No. That’s fucked up.
Mate, you will be loved, life does get better, give it a chance. Your mother is probaly a reason you feel depressed i would say if that is her worldview. Find someone you can talk to that isnt a fucking narcissist. Please talk to someone though, hotline, someone.
hotline
um… about that
I’m kinda living through a fascist takeover in my country (USA) so probably a terrible option considering… https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Political_abuse_of_psychiatry
So yea thing are going very great here, spectacular even…
Basially its just Youtube Videos and pirsted TV and Movies keeping my brain alive. I have literally zero actual social connections besides having a cat to pet, which doesn’t really help much (cat is lovely, just not helping too much with the depression).
I’m basically just having coffee as a sort of anti depressant for now. Actual meds from any non-emergency sources (because the emergency ER method is a bad idea as I’ve said) takes a while because appointments takes like 6 months like wtf?!?
I don’t know your insurance, location, or financial situation, so the following might be totally irrelevant.
If you have a primary care doctor/physician, they should be able to get you antidepressants. You don’t need a specialist. You might even be able to have a telehealth visit, instead of going in-person.
I hope things smooth out for you. BTW, my therapist says carbs are good for short-term stress. Ice cream and chocolates help.
Also, maybe look into if your local library has any meetups? Mine does a regular knitting/crochet circle (if you just show up, you’ll probably find friendly folks happy to teach you to make a dish cloth), book club, grown-up crafts a couple times a month. Might be good to get out of the house and meet some friendly faces.
What is the concern about hotlines? Are you worried people may be recording and using that against you somehow? What you linked to doesn’t really mention hotlines.
The current US right-wing rhetoric is that (btw their words, not mine): “Immigrants are (a) violent dangerous criminals, or (b) drug addicts, or ( c ) welfare queens, or (d) mentally ill”
That sort of rhetoric, combined with the fact that hotlines are not anonymous; This is just asking for trouble.
I doubt even my (naturalized) citizenship would shield me from being persecuted by this fascist traitor in the white house.
Okay, got it. Thank you for clearing that up for me. It’s very unfortunate you don’t have a safe space.
Why no social connections? Best thing to do is to externally connect and have things outside the confines of your current unhappiness.
Sometimes social connections are hard to figure out, especially if you don’t have experience making connections or positive examples to follow.
I suggested visiting the local library and seeing if there’s any meetups. Do you have other suggestions?
I don’t know how common it is, so I’m not sure how normal it is. I think a lot of people live with parents who don’t seem to understand how their words affect their children. My mother has never said this to me, and if she ever did, it would have crushed me. I’m sorry OP. I’m not sure what her reason was for saying that to you, but we’re glad you’re here and alive. It’ll get better.
That’s pretty fucked up. She needs therapy and so do you.
Sounds like depression runs in your family.
I think it happens often. Doesn’t make it right. I’m sorry she said something so hurtful to you.
If you want advice or just to talk, message me. I will listen.
Curious about the meaning of life? I don’t think we’re really assigned roles. We’re just kind of here. You can just do the minimum if you want, just securing food and shelter. Or you can choose to do more if you have the means. You have the freedom to assign your own meaning to your life. I find most people either pursue religion/spirituality, community service, knowledge, or pleasure.
Hey, don’t let that push you further down. She shouldn’t have ever said that shit whether she feels it or not. That’s fucked of her.
I’m sorry you are having a bad time. Life isn’t meaningless, but sometimes you have to make it mean something. It’s hard and it can suck, it’s easy to lose your way and feel deep despair. But keep pressing on and chances are you’ll find people to be with that have no regrets. Learn to do things for you and take enjoyment and self appreciation for those things you accomplish. You can make it. You just have to keep putting one foot forward, even if it’s only a smidge.
Hey, what’s up. Are you (or anyone in thes thread) feeling suicidal?
Talking openly helps to deal and cope with the feelings. But some people feel shame of mentioning these topics. You can find out if there’s a help line local to you and call. You’re reaching out, which is good. Find someone who is open to talk and unload that burden. Trust is hard to earn but it goes a long way to talk about feelings, even if they’re uncomfortable.
You’re mother is a piece of shit, I’m sorry that happened to you it’s not even slightly normal. Also I want you to know you’re life is important no matter what your mother says.
