I was planning to write a longer post for this mega and then Silksong happened so… oops?
Short version is this week is my 9th tranniversary. I don’t remember which day exactly so I like to say it was 9/11 so I’d never forget. What ultimately cracked my egg all those years ago was not the deep yearning when looking at women that I couldn’t identify as envy or the increasingly intense and umm horny dreams where I had the power to instantly change my gender. No it was that fucking faceapp gender swap filter. I just kept staring at that pic like it was a mirror into an alternate universe where I was happier and suddenly everything clicked into place. The first few years were hit or miss with a lot of other life changes happening at the time that interfered with getting properly started so in some ways it’s more like a 5 or 6 year tranniversary but whatever. 
It’s weird to say I’m almost done but I really am so close to making all the changes I wanted. I’ll never stop being trans, but I’m definitely moving from trans(itioning) femme to trans(itioned) femme and that’s quite exciting. And maybe a little wistful looking back at the journey.
Have a good week everyone!
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midnight sad posting
i have yearned for so, so many fucking years
and idk how much longer i can take still being alone
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Of course the night I have to do shit is the one where I feel fucking awful. I can’t stop the thoughts. I feel so, so bad about this right now.
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Just the absolutely worst experience ever. Body destroyed. Alienated. No fix. So much pain
*hugs*
there are so many things I want to learn and do but then I just kinda spend my time not really doing much of anything
Ugh omigod mooooood. Im hoping meds will help with the executive function problems
I’m probably gonna have to take the grill pill and just log off entirely at some point, the internet is too distracting even with meds
its so distracting. Or just daydreaming tbh…yeah… and even when not doing either of those i’m just so dang tired all the time mentally and physically without even having done anything…
God thats so real… I spend time with friends -> how will i emotionally recover from this. Like, everything is just so fucking draining now… Goddamn. I keep on going tho, i keep on going, i keep on, i keep, i, ,
Venus help me, I’m thirsting over a long time childhood friend who I know damn well isn’t into me
sometimes I wish I could have modes of being other than “fiscally irresponsible because I feel like shit” and “fiscally irresponsible because I feel kind of okay, maybe even good”
Thinking about switching from Spiro to Prog, is there anything I should be cautious about? (Other than normal taking hormone stuff)
Is prog much of an anti androgen like primarily? I always figured its just another feminizing hormone. We take spiro cause of its anti androgen effects (believe it or not Ive had plenty of men and women on spiro where I work, all because its mainly a diuretic that just so happens to also make people grow boobs who didnt have em lol). You could probably give monotherapy a try and see if E and prog is enough to keep your T levels down
Think I got too high and for some reason thought it was an anti-androgen, whoops Gonna need to look more into tomorrow, thanks for your comment
If you’re on a high dose of spiro you’re supposed to taper off of it slowly, and do you know about boofing prog?
Been daydreaming the past few days about a lesbian sub on a normal gameshow or dome kinda dating one, but all the other contestants know everything about her. Something along the lines of the others flustering her and giving not to subtle hints about attraction, with the sub being half-dense and thinking “they must just see me as friends” kinda thing. End it with a discovery on the sub’s part or a reveal, and then they all start dating.
Tempted to write about it, and maybe turn it into smut, but I’m not great at writing, and most of my skills in it are within political stuff.
It took me forever but I finally hunted down a real, physical skirt that is basic. They still exist!
Congrats!! It is annoying how hard they can be to find. I’m glad you finally found one!
Okay the ad algorithm learnt to show me large girl dresses I need to log off this is dangerous.
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Trying to look up vids of people using pantyhose as a serpentine belt and idk. I see some vids of it working and always hear the anecdotes so I really wanted to see it. The common thing I see with other substitutes is like the water pump barely works and then the whole car overheats after a while though I did see one person add rubber bands around the water pump to increase friction
Not knowledgeable advice but I stole it from a decade old forum so maybe it's okay
“The pantyhose trick was for v-belts, as they have much deeper grooves on the pulleys. Most serpentine belts use a flat multi-groove belt, and pantyhose would probably slide off, especially on the smooth pulleys.”
“As stated by @Bustedknuckles it is a vbelt fix.The replacement of the belt is the best fix. OK,so I am on the road and the belt breaks, If I was desperate i could probably fashion a belt out of duct tape, fold it in half and overlap the cnd connections and make it a little bigger than oribinal serpantine belt to reduce stress, a 20mile fix maybe, but AAA should take care of towing me to a shp for a new belt.”
Apologies if this is bad advice, or if it’s bad for me to reply not being super knowledgeable, just thought I’d throw this stuff out to maybe help
No I liked it so thank you for sharing it, I have seen a fix with duct tape and it sorta works. Main thing is keeping it on, making sure the water pump is getting enough action and power steering actually works. The v-belts part was something I learned from this
Tool belt lesbians tell me your tales 🥺
So much music out this week, so little time 😞
Vampire The Masquerade describes vampire sex as “a biting frenzy”
Say no more, sign me up for a biting frenzy
Waow
Been listening to Queer as folklore by Sacha Coward, I like it so far. It been confirming a lot of suspicions I’ve had and adding fuel to the fire powering my eventual ttrpg campaign I wanna run some day
sadgirl shit
Every day feels pointless without them in my life. I see friends, go to events, work on my hobbies but I’m still so empty. I know I shouldn’t even feel this way after our fight. They were completely unreasonable and hurt me so much but my brain won’t let go of how things used to be.
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The first few months after my break up, it felt like literally half of my body was missing. Id dream we were still together every night, boring dreams just like regular day to day life, and wake up in my friends guest bedroom single while I was figuring out a new place to live.
It did get easier. No shortcuts. It just took a very long time.
