Blobby and Friends
That’s my monster boomer mother. Also include “while you live under MY roof… blah-blah”. I spent my early childhood not feeling like I had a home. I was just visiting her house. Nothing was mine. She of course forgets my father paid for that house and she got it for free in the divorce.
She’d also say to me “the world doesn’t owe you a living.” She only had a high school degree and a year as a “kelly girl”. That turned into a secretary job at a community college, which later turned into a better secretary job at a huge aerospace company. After a few years that paid more than enough to live and she got stocks and a pension out of the deal. Her aunt died and left her a fortune (none for me). She’s one of those boomers that did the bare minimum in life, sits on a pile of free cash, free house, retired early, and complains about people on welfare or “damn government handouts”. Meanwhile she has never contributed anything of value to society, never volunteers, never donates to charity. She’s a fucking leach.
Oh yeah. When parents got divorced, she got primary custody of me. She was so insane, I ended up moving to my fathers house when I was 10. My father continued to pay her child support to stop her from filing a complaint with the court about me living with him (He was chill and figured it was the easy way to deal with her). So add that to the list of free money to her.
Anyway, now she’s old, fat, stupid, with no friends and will die alone. I actually expect her to die in the house alone and they’ll find her weeks later after her cat has chewed out chunks of her. LOL. Good kitty.
This hits close to home. I don’t talk to my mother anymore.
That’s pretty much every narcissist’s view of having kids. That you owe them something for just making you exist.
My parents gave as much as they could. I never thought it was enough when I was a kid. Now that I’m in my forties, I know just how much that was.
I come from work tired as fuck and I know my old man was the same way, but he still found time to take me to the playground and then taught me math and English every night. My mom did the exact same but there was always a lunch and a dinner cooked for my ungrateful ass.
Through it all, they always loved me and said they were proud of me.
Cut toxic people out of your life. No matter who it is. Period.
Simple best rule for a happier life.
OK but what if you’re 6 and the toxic people are your parents?
When I was 6 I was already 7
Get over it! You can talk, you can walk, you can eat and shit. It’s time to make a dime! /s
Go into the world, learn a trade and make a man out of yourself. There’s no rule that says a steel worker, a deep sea welder or an HVAC repairman can’t be six. /s
Don’t let being six years old stop you from pulling yourself up by your bootstraps.
Then you also haven’t read this and just have to survive it. I know that kids see those things as “normal”, even the worst kinds of abuse. As they usually lack diversified knowledge of alternatives or came to conclusion how they want to be treated.
For those my advice is worth less than nothing. It was more aimed at people who can read and COULD do that. I know many can’t or don’t dare to. Or not without help.
It’s part of what I voluntarily work in. A shelter-kind of people damaged or broken by other disgusting examples of this species. It’s the best one could do. Cut ties, start new. Or just cut ties.
Even if its parents. Or especially if they are the toxic ones. If you’re 6, others should take you out of there.
I think the Raised By Narcissists group needs more activity. This was my childhood fer shurr.
I’m in this comic and I don’t like it.
Well this hits close to home.
I once told my mother i didn’t owe her shit for getting drunk and horny on NYE (i’m an early sept baby)
…hilarity did not ensue
I’d add to this: “It’s my house, my rules! If you don’t like them then move the fuck out!!!”
As a kid: “Why is my mom so stressed and frustrated so often? Why can’t she just be carefree and fun, like me? Why won’t she just let me do whatever I want all the time?”
As an adult, with kids: “Oh, wait. Some of this stuff was pretty reasonable and being a good parent is hard work.”
“you owe me for giving birth to you and putting a roof over your head” is pretty far out, if you’re raised like this I can assure you it would suit these parents a lot better to skip having kids.
You owe it to the kid you decided to have to care for it as best you can, Not the other way around.
Exactly. Our frustrations are ours. Not theirs.
Like, yea, feeling frustrated and stressed is valid but it is in how we express it to those around us, especially to children, that can negatively affect them.
Our feelings are valid but it is also our responsibility to cope with things in a healthy way in order to not just pass that stress and frustration along to others around us. If people can’t do that, then they shouldn’t be having children.
“you owe me for giving birth to you and putting a roof over your head” is pretty far out
Lots of parents throw this out half-joking. “I was in labor for eight hours, the least you can do is spend ten minutes cleaning your room” or some variation of it is a thing my mom would toss off on occasion.
You owe it to the kid you decided to have to care for it as best you can
We owe it to one another to be good in turn. The value of family is in building up the cycle of mutual aid. It’s never a one-way street.
We owe it to one another to be good in turn. The value of family is in building up the cycle of mutual aid. It’s never a one-way street.
Why? You (not YOU but a parent) decided to procreate. Everything that follows is yours alone to deal with. I (the kid) never was asked to exist. Why do I owe you anything at all?
Why?
Because it’s the foundation of a functioning civilization.
Everything that follows is yours alone to deal with.
That’s demonstrably not true.
Because that’s how society works, mutualism.
We’re all born into our various countries each of which places demands on us. And often that’s under threat of imprisonment or even death and with little of value in return. Yet people are patriotic and support that system. Even if some of us might say it is better that countries couldn’t do that, the fact that it’s widely supported means that there’s some basis for it that humanity recognizes.
Then compare that to a parent who selflessly loves and gives and gives. It’s very reasonable to say that parents are owed something.
I have known so many parents who believe that seriously, and want their kids to understand the sacrifice they are making for those brats.
Joking or not the sentiment is still damaging to a child’s mental state. You don’t get to pick what sentiments a child will internalize. The rhetoric is conditioning them to feel like love and respect are transactional things. It’s teaching them that guilt tripping people to coerce their behavior is okay by treating it as casual. It’s toxic. “It’s just a joke” is a bullshit excuse. Always has been.
The mutual aid argument doesn’t work when one party is dependent upon the other for their upbringing and care. Mutual aid requires both parties to be functionally independent and a child does not have that level of autonomy being dependent upon the parent to raise them so they can become independent. A child is not responsible for the well being of the parent. It is the responsibility of the parents to put their problems aside for the well being of their children.
/>I throw someone who doesn’t know how to swim into a pool.
/>I save this person’s life, getting him safely out of the pool.
/>This person must now risk his life and save me in return.I pray to whatever god wants to listen that you don’t have kids. You are a legitimately awful parent.
Smart kid: ok, why are you taking your frustrations out on me then and wondering why i avoid you later in life.
If you conflate “I gave birth to you and fed you, you owe me” with “parenting is hard work”, please drop your kids off at the nearest shelter as you are unfit to be a parent.
You can’t play football, it’s too dangerous!
You can’t take a martial arts class, it’s dangerous and too expensive!
You can’t get a drum kit, it’s too loud and too expensive!
You can’t have guitar lessons, it’s too expensive and too loud!
Never leave this neighborhood it’s too dangerous!
15 years later
Why do you sit inside all day!?! Get a hobby!
Boomers and Gen X were heavily conditioned by the wave of crimes and news of serial killers. So it’s understandable why they have been overprotective.
You can’t play football, it’s too dangerous!
Okay, but totally unironically, though. Full contact sports are terrible for kids.
Why do you sit inside all day!?! Get a hobby!
I might suggest that the biggest reason I sit inside all day is that it’s fucking 95° with 60% humidity. But also, screens are hypnotizing, especially for little kids. My son would absolutely lock in on Ms Racheal or Bluey for hours a day if I let him. But he also loves to kick his soccer ball and dunk his basketball in his little stand when the TV isn’t on. And I’m fine with that, because he’s not plowing face first into a kid twice his size. Or trying to back kick one of his friends across the room.
Also, I’ve never needed to buy my son a drum kit because everything is a drum kit to that kid. We can talk about a kit when he gets to middle school and shows he’s got the desire to practice, maintain the equipment, and not break anything when he loses his temper.
Oh no! My child might get hurt playing a game! Little Jhonnythan is far too valuable to be put in harms way no matter how much he’ll develop emotionally and intelligently by playing <Insert Sport Here>. I’m an amazing parent!
My child might get hurt playing a game!
It’s not a game when the goal is to injure the other players. It’s functionally a combat sport.
Football specifically is bad. Especially with helmets.
It’s not like I asked to be born, jeez. That’s like deciding to get a dog and then be surprised that it actually takes work to care of it.
It was in 1950
That guy is NOT a teenager
It was in 1950
It’s not like I asked to be born, jeez.
Should have cleared out of the line for someone who did.
bring it up with god or the universe, you’ll only get crickets here.
me_irl
Both of my grandfathers were horrible, and then largely absent. When each of them died, I managed a shrug and a mild bit of interest in learning more about them from their obituaries than they had ever shared with me over my entire life. My parents both show signs of generational trauma. They did their best with me, and I give them each passing grades, somewhat elevated by the fact that they got divorced when I don’t remember, rather than sticking it out in a malfunctional marriage and no doubt allowing me to get caught in the crossfire. Even for all of that, I recognize in myself some of the echoes of what was done to them. I’ve done therapy and I’ve resolved to make sure my kid knows that, even if we sometimes argue or have to tell her things she doesn’t want to hear, that no matter what we’ll always love and cherish her.
Try to live your life in such a way that, when you die, the people you leave behind can manage more of an emotional reaction than a shrug and moving on with their day.
#RaisedByNarcissists
