For the (blissfully) uninitiated, “the husband stitch” refers to the procedure of suturing the vaginal entrance narrower than necessary to repair trauma post-birth, with the presumption that this will enhance the sexual pleasure of a penetrating penis.
… what
that isn’t even how that works
You can sue btw. In most civilized countries, that’s bodily harm and will be treated as such
I think some of the difficulty lies in proving whether it was intentional, since it could be accidental or a side effect of a necessary episiotomy.
I was astounded to learn how many women were given episiotomies without their knowledge.
If you can’t trust your partner to not secretly request to deform your vagina, you probably shouldn’t be having a baby with them.
Obviously this is more nuanced, so maybe allow two people in the operating room. A partner and an advocate.
Oftentimes doctors do it without a request from the husband at all. Misogyny is intertwined with healthcare.
White men are often handed pain medicine prescription without asking. Women and people of color often can’t get it if they beg.
Recently had my IUD replaced. The doctor looked me in the face and told me that they wouldn’t be offering pain relief. But I could take some ibuprofen before coming in.
That is infuriating, especially having heard tales of incorrect insertion and women suffering for weeks before the doctor decided something may be amiss and deciding to correct it.
That was my experience, too. It was absolutely brutal. Luckily, I was able to have it removed when I was put under for my bisalp a few years later.
On the other hand, I recently talked to a (male) gyno about my cycle being totally fucked up. One of the options for management was a Mirena IUD, and he told me that if I decide on that route, they’ll bring me into the OR and do it with proper pain management and sedation.
I wouldn’t even joke about it and find the practice abhorrent even as a joke, but it was done to my wife (we believe) without prompting. No sex at all until cleared by the OB/GYN she saw regularly (not the doctor who did delivery or suturing) and after the first time I made her ask if anything was different and the OB/GYN told us the suturing appeared to have been done wrong because there was an overhang and scar tissue. Second episiotomy with the second child, different doctor at a different hospital, everything was fine after the healing, so it seems like we just got shit luck with the first one
If it’s an accident, you have the duty to tell the patient. “Hey, ma’am, sorry to say, but I fucked up big time and I stitched up your vagina a bit too far. I’m terribly sorry, I can either fix it right now or, if any complications arise, please come see me again and we’ll have it fixed.” No issue. Mistakes happen.
But if a doctor is doing something like that and doesn’t tell you - even if it’s an error - he’s to be held fucking liable.
In an ideal world someone would tell you if they stitched your vagina up wrong. However, we live in a world where they don’t even tell you if they’ve cut through your taint, if you’re a woman.
Nah, as someone who has spent a fair bit of time in the healthcare industry, I can assure you that’s not exclusively a woman thing. Doctors these days don’t want to admit mistakes in general. Must be some kind of superiority complex.
However, that doesn’t change the fact that it’s a crime and if you sue, you’ll most likely win the case. Depending on the country, ofc. I’m not american, idk how it is over there, but I know of several cases in germany and austria where the doctors had to pay huge fees or even lost their license.
Yes. Women have it worse in the healthcare system.
No one will deny that doctors can be assholes to everyone, but industrialized medicine has been especially worse for women.
Sexism in healthcare is a pretty studied topic.
Nah, as someone who has spent a fair bit of time in the healthcare industry, I can assure you that’s not exclusively a woman thing.
I get this response a lot when I talk about the trauma and sexism I’ve experienced first hand by doctors. It’s dismissive and rude to be frank.
“Hey, ma’am, sorry to say, but I fucked up big time and I stitched up your vagina a bit too far. I’m terribly sorry, I can either fix it right now or, if any complications arise, please come see me again and we’ll have it fixed.” No issue. Mistakes happen.
Doctors don’t admit mistakes like that.
Most husband stitches are done intentionally.
Then it’s a crime and will be pursued as such.
Possibly because the “husband stitch” isn’t officially defined medically, there are no clinical studies of it. Searches on PubMed and ScienceDirect (two large research databases) yield just one paper, which investigates Brazil’s high episiotomy rate (94 percent in 2004). Doctors interviewed by the research team openly refer to the use of the “ponto do marido”—husband stitch—as “intended to make the vaginal opening even tighter after delivery.”
Just one paragraph from the article that blows that suggestion right out of the water.
This isn’t women not reporting to the right authorities causing the issues. It’s systemic misogyny.
Ok
If you’re still in healthcare, maybe you could take this conversation as an opportunity to be more open-minded when speaking with patients that have grievances rather than tell them that what they’re experiencing isn’t true.
Hahahahahahahahahaha
That’s so funny.
Wow, that’s a fucked up article. I’ve only ever heard of this as a joke, I can’t believe there are doctors actually doing this.
What kind of jokes are you hearing?
What, the, fuck…
I told my then husband under no terms was the doctor to perform a husband stitch. I made it clear that an episiotomy was the last fucking resort and I was very outspoken about it. That I would rather have a c-section than that because of the abuses I’ve endured at doctor’s hands.
Thank fuck I avoided that, but it’s atrocious that it still happens.
It’s insane you even have to self-advocate against unnecessary mutilation.
Lord above. I thought this was an urban myth. Although I guess the mere fact that such a thing could even enter the public awareness demonstrates how badly women can get treated by health services.
I read a story on reddit awhile ago where a woman said her husband talked to the doctor multiple times through the process not to give her one. The doctor did it anyways. She didn’t find out until weeks later because everything was already in pain. It kept getting infected, didn’t heal right, she can’t have sex at all anymore. No lawyer will take her case because it’s apparently too hard to prove it was done on purpose. That makes me very angry.
Not done on purpose? It being an accident is almost as bad. That’s pretty much the definition of malpractice, isn’t it?
Yeah idk. Lawyers only like to take those cases if it’s a slam dunk.
And people wonder why I don’t want to have kids…
Saaame. The only time I got close to thinking I found the right guy to have a kid with, I brought up my concerns about pregnancy and mistrust of doctors. His take on that was: “If you don’t want kids tell me now so I don’t waste my time.”
I noped out of there and have no regrets.
My man does want kids, but is not only sympathetic to and respectful of my not wanting to produce any, but is properly horrified at how women are treated by the medical community.
The day he learned not only about the Husband Stirch, but that some doctors just give women the Stitch without bothering to ask even the husband, assuming the husband would be thrilled and the wife didn’t matter, he just about blew a gasket. We’ve decided to adopt instead.
Good on you guys. It’s an absolute shame that the medical establishment forced your hand but fantastic you have such a supportive partner.
Number one reason why I only see lady OBGYN’s.
My doctor was so fantastic. She even yelled at my son’s father at one point during my 24 hour labor. Shamed the fuck outta him cuz he kept leaving every 5 mins to go smoke.
I loved her.
I was young, but I remember an older cousin and her husband joking about this husband stitch years ago. Idk if she actually got it, but… sure seemed like a big joke to them… :/
I’ve known too many female obgyns to know they aren’t all safe :< Current one is good but she still won’t let me remove all my organs and instead we settled on the depo shot.
Am I the only one in society who knows it is an elastic organ, and you don’t need to stitch it closed.
That’s fucking atrocious. Especially without consent.
Also, who the fuck are these guys going up to their wives’ doctors and saying “yo dawg, my Pepe is too small, while you’re delivering my child, and my wife is in excruciating pain, just see what you can do about making me feel like more of a man”. How do you not feel shame for even thinking that let alone verbalising it!? Fucking savages man.
What?? We spent months working on getting a fist in there, ain’t no way we’re backtracking on that progress!!
The baby was a bonus.
So I’m a guy and… WTF? That is actually real?
Look, if your partner suggests such a thing right after you gave birth (well, at any moment, but especially when you’re in pain and hormones and whatnot), upu divorce his ass because that is a walking bag of red flags you don’t want to be around.
Any doctor performing these on request of a partner or spouse shouldn’t only be stripped of their medical license, they should be jailed for assault and battery or something to that effect because doh?
I have trouble understanding the mindset in men to ask shit like that, or to agree with it when suggested TO THEM. It’s not your body, you don’t get a say unless she too gets a say in tightening up your own asshole so that she can enjoy you squirming more when she rams her dildo in there because, well, doh?
This is just eye brow swimmingly weird to read
Should men have rights? Discuss.
You’re on the wrong post, bud.
Politely but firmly disagree. “Should men have rights? Discuss.” was pretty clearly dark sarcasm, not a serious proposal to take anyone’s rights away. It was questioning the entitlement of the men who requested, performed, or normalized something that harmed women for supposed male benefit.
As Ruth Bader Ginsburg answered when asked when there would be enough women on the Supreme Court: “When there are nine.” People found that shocking, even though nine men had long been treated as perfectly normal.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯ apologies
I think you should understand that tone doesn’t come across well over text, and one should really read the room before posting on such a sensitive topic. By any interpretation, it wasn’t the time or place.
It takes a hell of an ego put that “joke” on par with RBG’s statement.
