Economists and other social scientists have long recognized that mothers spend more time than fathers on child care, even when both parents work full time. And even though men have assumed more caretaking responsibilities over the past several decades, women still spend more time caring for their children and homes.
This gap matters, because the way childcare is divvied up shapes much more than parents’ work schedules. It can contribute to chronic stress and burnout and influence how couples perceive fairness within their relationships.
My good friend gets ZERO information from the school even though he’s the primary contact. Not even a peep from them when his daughter went to the hospital. He found out from the hospital when they were irate he hadn’t come to sign paperwork for her to receive treatment.
He’s talked to the principal numerous times, all the kids teachers, admin, and threatened to get a lawyer involved. They’ve even shown him the computer where he’s listed as primary at the top really big and his ex you have to to out of your way to scroll down to her name. Still happens every time no matter who’s calling.
We are economists who study gender and families. We wanted to understand whether schools themselves might unintentionally contribute to this imbalance by defaulting to contacting mothers more than fathers. Our recent research suggests they do.
As a Dad with majority custody who does all the school coordination, homework, extracurriculars, and various appointments, this is maddening and real. Mom is assumed to be the default parent even when they aren’t.
That’s gotta be frustrating. Not only that, but the assumption can hurt parents and their kids.
Once, I was sick at school and needed to be picked up, they just called my mom. When she didn’t pick up, they decided to wait for her instead of calling anyone else. They didn’t have an explanation for why they didn’t try anyone else.
It’s a complete lack of respect and acknowledgement for fathers who are involved in the children’s lives, and occasionally the only parent.
Yeah it hurts her in moments that matter, and I feel like I’m constantly looking crazy when I insist on clarifying communication processes that just get disregarded anyway.
The worst is the dr office, the can only have a single message address for apt reminders…. If I take mom off and put me it will cause a LOT of drama that I don’t need with the dr…. But at the same time mom won’t be showing up or taking her to the appts anyway…
Sorry you got to feel any of that, it’s super not your fault.
It wasn’t that big of a deal for me, but I saw the stress it put on my mom, who had a full time job and went to university.
It’s ridiculous that you have to work way harder to earn the same trust (and scrutiny) society puts on mothers.
Why are you avoiding drama with your child’s a doctor? I’d be getting a new doctor and reporting them, it’s none of their fucking business.
The drama would be with mom, at the doctor, who would be an innocent bystander. Nobody wins there…
This drives me insane. I get calls from daycare and school even if it isn’t my parenting time and my kid’s dad info is given.
The example about the phone calls, the forcing moms to be the point of contact, adding stress to couples and exacerbating stress and burnout is accurate. I definitely had some resentment build up when I was with my ex simply because the world allowed him to be a sub-par parent while putting my parenting under a microscope.
Everyday I try to disprove this stereotype by being wildly unknowledgeable about my own children (at least while engaging with the school). They are starting to default to my husband now…
