I dreamt that it was night and I found a huge mannequin of a man dressed in a traditional Mexican outfit, laying on a sofa in a garage. Then he came to life and somehow I knew that the mannequin was being animated by the spirit of the man it was based on. Suddenly his son was there and the son and I danced together. The whole thing had a really creepy vibe.

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They told me things like I shouldn’t even be getting disability benefits anyway because “that’s socialism.” One told me “Man up and sort your own problems out.” When I told them I was so desperate for food that I had been shoplifting, multiple of them told me that I need to turn myself in for shoplifting, take my punishment and repent or I would go to hell. The only one who even tried to help gave me the phone number for a food bank - 200 miles away. When I pointed out that I don’t drive and have no money for transport he said something to the effect of if I’m that desperate for food then I’ll find a way to get there. Several said they would pray for me but did nothing to actually help. On a huge online Christian forum when I posted my story and asked for help, multiple people there sent me online blessings that they had to pay for, but did nothing to help. That was a real slap in the face, they’ll waste money on this stupid site and flaunt that wasted money in front of me while I go hungry.

If I hadn’t found hexbear’s mutual aid I don’t know if I’d still be here now.

I am not basing it on that alone. I also have my own personal experience of repeatedly begging multiple Christian organisations for food aid and not only being turned away but insulted too.

I live in the UK and I have found British Christians to be just as unkind. They literally turned me away from the church when I asked for help accessing food.

My landlady has got to be the rudest, most unpleasant person I have ever met. If it wasn’t for the fact that with no current income no-one else would take me, there’s nowhere cheaper and I also don’t want to leave her little dog because she neglects him, I would just go. She always has a horrible attitude, is always in a bad mood and I literally can’t talk to her without her rolling her eyes, getting angry, making a contemptuous face (literally no matter what I say), refusing to turn the extremely loud TV down when I’m trying to talk to her and being a total b1+(h for no reason.

I found a website that gives free samples of beauty products. I got a free bottle of moisturiser from there. However, it didn’t agree with my skin. I didn’t want to waste it so I decided to ask my landlady if she would like it. I went into the sitting room where she was watching TV and asked “Do you ever use moisturiser?” (because I didn’t know if it was a product she would be interested in) and she as usual refused to turn the TV down, misheard me and angrily said “What? No I haven’t used anything in here.” After several more attempts to explain what I was saying, and eventually offering her the moisturiser, she snatched it, looked at it, made a contemptuous face at it and then put it beside her, clearly intending to keep it. Never said thanks, and as I walked out of the room I saw her face, she was looking at me now with contempt, annoyance and disgust.

I regret giving it to her now but who else could I have given it to anyway. She’s such a bitter person who takes her bad temper out on me because I’m an easy target. One of the great joys of being severely disabled - you end up in poverty and then have no choice but to make do with shitty miserable living situations. My life is just a never ending series of minor unpleasant incidents, never ending additional health and financial issues which all just add up and snowball into a huge pile of sh!t. It means that an interaction like this, which probably wouldn’t bother most people, they’d probably just think she’s rude and move on, seems overwhelming to me because I can’t get away from here and it’s yet another indication that my life is always going to be filled with unhappiness and stress about every little thing, and most people I come across in real life feel nothing but contempt for me because I’m a penniless burden on society.

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thanks

thanks

thank you.

What do you think of the film Midnight Express?

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thanks.

thanks.

thanks.

Thank you!

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Perhaps you might be entitled to sheltered accommodation?

Sorry this is happening to you. Bad living situations are awful and I understand the threat of homelessness too well. Are you a legal adult? Are there any citizens advice organisations where you are? Do you have any medical conditions because there are often support organisations for people with medical conditions who could advise and help you.

Thank you.