Etran de L’Aïr - Imouha
The Dream Academy - Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want
The humble sagebrush
Methuselah - The worlds oldest tree, 4,850 years old
https://www.theguardian.com/environment/2020/aug/02/the-methuselah-tree-and-the-secrets-of-earths-oldest-organisms
Babs - Raw Dawg Comics
https://www.reddit.com/r/rawdawgcomics/comments/1l04trg/queen/
Ballet Dancers in the Wings - Edgar Degas, c. 1890s
https://www.slam.org/collection/objects/19840/
Join our public Matrix server!
https://rentry.co/tracha#tracha-rooms
As a reminder, please do not discuss current struggle sessions in the mega. We want this to be a little oasis for all of us and the best way to do that is not to feed into existing conflict on the site.
Also, be sure to properly give content warnings and put sensitive subjects behind proper spoiler tags. It’s for the mental health of not just your comrades, but yourself as well.
Here is a screenshot of where to find the spoiler button.
i’m making a list and checking it twice, if you don’t sign up i’m not gonna be nice. sign up to make a damn mega
if you have a preferred week please tell me
nemmybun (9/8 - 9/14) Eco* (9/15 - 9/21) Disaster_of_Passion* (9/22 - 9/28) Carcharodonna* (9/29 - 10/5) sodium_nitride* (10/6 - 10/12) peanutbuttercupola* (10/13 - 10/19) oscardejarjayes* (10/20 - 10/26) Wmill (10/27 - 11/2) Shaleesh* (11/3 - 11/9) Alisu (11/10 - 11/6) peanutbuttercupola* (12/29 - 1/4) * after name denotes someone who has posted before and will be skipped by first-time posters
I wanna do it, sign me upppppp
ok, do you wanna go sooner or later?
It can be later, having time to write it up sounds better to me.
ok, sounds good. if you wanna bump it up let me know
my transition is about a year and a half old now
i still never learned how to do my makeup
I know I’m usually in here being dorky and silly but
suicidal thoughts
I really can’t think of any reasons outside how it would affect the people I care about to not end it.
i think waking up in the morning is good now. i feel great and apparently i am not just manic
horny
“i’m not that into men” i think to myself having to stop thinking about boys for 10 seconds because if i keep thinking about how kissable they are then my computer mouse is going to shatter from how hard i’ve been gripping it
therapy questions
Anyone here exactly know if there is a difference between psychiatrist and therapist?
And also, what exactly should I tell my GP when I go there? I want to see a therapist, but what kind of therapist, and what exactly would the goal be?
I didn’t really think about this, I just had the vague idea “stop being useless and go to therapy” then clicked a button.
The whole reason I want a therapist is that I want to the voices in my head to stop telling me to die, but saying that to my GP will make him think I am joking or crazy. And I don’t want to tell my GP that I am suicidal cause that makes it sound worse than it is.
I’m positively reminiscing back to the time when I lived in a slum house, renting a 9 m^2 room from a crime lord. I looked homeless, and legally speaking, I was homeless, since I wasn’t allowed tk register my address.
It was a fun time. I was in the first year of my bachelor. I was young. I tried things. I even had hope! Crazy isn’t it that my current standard of novelty is to change my walking route or ride a bike. I used to ride my bike between cities back then! Now I touch the poor thing once every 2 months.
Also, funnily enough, I dressed more girly back then. I even experimented with makeup.
Now, I think about how few friends I truly have left. I only have 2 people I talk to on an occasional basis. Did you know, I can count the average number of sentences I speak per week on my hands?
And do you know why that piece of my soul died? It’s because after I ran away from the crime lord, the only place I could find a room in is about 3 hours by train (there are many complications involved in why it takes me that long). I’m completely isolated from other people. I spoke 2 sentences this whole week to another person! And it was a question to a professor.
I am quite literally a displaced proletariat migrant
workerstudent. I am going into debt in order to make myself more useful to master. I am a dog that plays tricks for the master, and then I give the master a treat if I do it right. And of course I have to do it right, cause if I don’t, I get thrown away.Perhaps it is precisely because I live the life of such a miserable dog that I also behave like one. Materialism etc bottom text. You know the drill.
Thinking about getting an altar cloth, circlet to wear on my head and candles/lighter to fit in my handbag as a bit for when I offer to do someone’s Tarot.
Ive got a bulletproof heart
Youve got a hollowpoint smileRecent conversations with my mum (who is mostly cool): I understand you’re a woman but why when you were younger you were interested in [perfectly normal activity that is in fact a cliche that autistic trans women enjoy it so much] or [toxically masculine compensation that brought me no joy].
Yes mum I still love trains, no I don’t do misogyny anymore.
but internalized misogyny is the fun part
Yooo a small child came up to me in the dollar store for a first bump before she ran off , kid knew how cool I was/am
sad about the state of things and how people treat us (cw mention of violence, sex)
Last week my friend got hatecrimed (shes ok, a couple of her friends have concussions, thats about it). Then today some guy tried to solicit sex from me (while i was wearing a rather queer outfit and shoes that added 10cm to my 193cm height, i thought i looked like a femme who could stomp your head in) and when i ignored him he followed me and drove slowly after me, drove around the block multiple times to follow me and keep talking to me, when i stopped for a cig outside my apt he was suddenly there driving from the opposite direction (meaning he either knows where i live or he guessed i was gonna stop there or he quickly circled around to head me off). It was midday, broad daylight.
Im just sad. Frustrated. My neighborhood is safe. Except it isnt. My world is fine. Except it isnt. Just a fucked reminder that even in queer-safe/friendly neighborhoods, cis men feel entitled to my body, entitled to buy sex from me.
And my friend! She doesnt feel safe anywhere now! She deserves better than that! I deserve better than that, than this.
This just sucks.
Shit sucks. Been having stupid power fantasies about cracking some fuckers skull on the pavement. I dont like having violent feelings.
I love my Cis Italian girl friends. I was telling one of them how the best thing about transition was every woman I met being nice to me.
Then I corrected “well 9 out of 10 women” and immediately she was like “who are the 1 out of 10? Do I know them?” (While looking around the function) like she was ready to start a fight then and there.
Okay, new mega so I’ll post my things now:
Looks like the move is official, I was waiting to post until it was signed but they’re telling my younger siblings later and wouldn’t if we weren’t actually moving since they aren’t expecting one of them to take it well. So that’s obviously pretty cool, I’m a bit worried about getting a job again and reintergrating that way but it shouldn’t be a huge deal. Hope there’s good facilities there. Very hopeful I’ll be able to get some good experience and build my (very pathetic) resume a bit over this next year.
Bad news, my irl friend feels like she’s getting more and more distant. Hasn’t sent me anything in a week, yes I’ve messaged. I just feel so sad. If it’s real and I’m not just being over sensitive to rejection it’s definitely because I asked for her to use my name and pronouns. She never did and just awkwardly apologized. I knew this would happen. Why did I delude myself into thinking she might be cool about it. Six years… Basically my only irl friend… Idk if anyone else from work is interested in being friends outside of work. Fuck I’m alone
ur about to move to a brand new place and make brand new friends!!! is gonna be okay *patpats*
Yes, it’s very exciting :cat-trans:
our brain replaced “exciting” with “eggciting” for some reason. fun
