I feel bad for deleting the post I made while panicking yesterday, considering all the effort people put into replying (thank you @BilduEnjoyer@hexbear.net , @i_drink_bleach@hexbear.net , @Nocturnelle@hexbear.net , @ratboy@hexbear.net , @Snort_Owl@hexbear.net , @Salah@hexbear.net and @RedSturgeon@hexbear.net )

I got a bit overwhelmed and deleted it but I read and took into account all your advice. Thank you.

I found a new food processor, I got it used for like next to nothing. I’m gonna make hummus I’m so happy.

My GP is using an AI transcription thing. Gross.

Luckily they’re asking for express consent so I shall simply say no, and fuck

Abled bodied people mistaking me not wanting to do something as me being unable to do it, but seeing something I physically can’t do as laziness.

I knew my prescriptions finally being sorted by the doctor was too good to be true. There’s already a problem with it. The pharmacy doesn’t have the type of thyroxine I take in stock and doesn’t know when they can get it - not an issue with paper prescriptions as I can take the prescription to a different chemist. But with the new dispensing system the doctor set up there are no paper prescriptions and you can’t take it to a different chemist, only to the GP chemist. So I can’t get my thyroxine (which I will die without - I don’t mind dying but it will be a very unpleasant way to go.) So I asked the GP receptionist if I can just go back to the usual way and she’s so confused by my request she doesn’t know what to do and clearly doesn’t care. I honestly think that to get a job as a GP receptionist you must have an IQ of less than zero and be more evil than Hitler. I asked for an appointment with the GP to get it changed back but there were no appointments left so now I’m back to having to go there at 8.30 in the morning and queue up to get on the triage list, and if the appointments run out by the time I get to the front of the queue I’ll have to do this every day until I finally get an appointment. This nonsense just never ends.

I also tried to get an appointment with the podiatrist about my Achilles tendon since the physiotherapist can’t see me until 12th Jan, but the podiatrist can’t see me until 19th Jan. I’m so tired of how difficult it is to access basic medical care.

Only one thing has improved my mood. I found an official letter addressed to me, on the dining room table where my landlady leaves my post when it arrives. It apparently arrived a few days ago but I only just found it. Since it looked official I was worried it might be something stressful to deal with like the DWP or NHS. But I found it was a lovely xmas gift - a Sainsburys gift card. Someone from here who I’d given my address to previously must have sent it to me. I don’t know who, but whoever it was: thank you! So at least one nice thing happened.

I got yelled at by some angry little man today. I went to sainsburys in the car with my landlady. I usually get a cooked chicken and then portion it up to last for a few days. Today I was there at 11am, when they come out of the oven, to get a fresh one and they were all cooked and ready to come out of the oven but there were no staff members around. I waited for about 10 minutes and no-one came. So I stepped in to where the staff members are supposed to be, literally just at the edge of the counter, and looked in, to see if there were any staff members behind the oven. There was no-one there so I left and went to a different part of the shop to get something else. While I was looking at the food on the shelf a very hostile young male staff member came over to me and started really aggressively scolding me in front of everyone. He said he’d seen me step behind the counter, and I shouldn’t be back there. I apologised but it wasn’t good enough. He ranted and raved about it and I said I wouldn’t go back there again, but he kept on and on. He finished by rudely saying, “I don’t want to have to tell you this again,” and as he walked off he was still angrily talking about it. He was so vicious about it, and I’ve been the victim of random male violence before, and it’s just the icing on the cake with everything thats going on already, so I know it probably sounds pathetic but it really scared and upset me. Like sorry I stepped into the staff area for literally one second but there was no-one around to ask, seems inappropriate to take whatever frustrations he’s having in life out on a random customer. Couldn’t he just quietly and politely say “I saw you go behind the counter, please don’t go back there?” So yeah I got screeched at in front of a shop full of people on top of everything else and now I’m even more stressed.

And my left side is really flaring up again, not just the tendon but the knee, foot, everything. My landlady is going away for xmas and while it will be nice to have the house to myself I’m in no fit state to walk more than a short distance again and I’ll have no-one to drive me anywhere if I need to go somewhere. I managed to get a sainsburys delivery slot for xmas eve but that’s obviously more expensive than if I was able to use my free bus pass to go myself. But I don’t have a chance in hell of lugging shopping home half a mile from the bus stop. Having to order for delivery because you’re too crippled to carry shopping home is one of the many ways it’s more expensive to be disabled. There have been times where my left side has flared up so badly I’ve been completely unable to walk and sainsburys has mobility scooters you can use to get around the shop if you’re disabled. It’s embarrassing but I have used them before. One time my achilles tendon flared up so badly I was put in a plaster cast on crutches for 10 days and I had to do my shopping in the mobility scooter during that time. But they’re only for use in the shop, you can’t drive yourself home in it so even if my mobility issues get bad enough to need the scooter again it won’t help me with getting to and from the shop. This lack of independence is so hard, always needing someone to drive me around, or deliver, and relying on the generosity of donations to even buy food in the first place. Even the simplest things in life become overwhelmingly difficult and expensive when you’re disabled. I hate being disabled, I wish I was able bodied again.

agh i hate christmas. people get mad at me for not going to things, people get mad at me for going to things and then not eating (have food trauma, can’t eat infront of people, also just autism food issues), can’t win

Hope you’re all having a better xmas than me. My mood is so low right now, and I’m really frustrated being stuck indoors with mobility issues and injuries again. I’ve realised this is never going to end. My landlady had gone to visit her daughter for xmas for a week, she left the heating set to come on for a couple of hours morning and evening. I’m absolutely freezing but scared to turn the heating on longer as she’ll be angry if she comes home to a big bill. Why is the UK like this? It’s considered acceptable for people to just freeze in their own homes as heating bills are unaffordable. From what I’ve heard in other countries it’s normal and affordable for people to have the heating on whenever they need it. No wonder our houses are black with mould.

I am so depressed right now. My achilles has flared up again, I’m having trouble walking. This is just neverending. I’m basically back to being a prisoner, trapped indoors. How is this any different to a life sentence. I have even emailed multiple MPs about this (about my situation and how shockwave therapy should be available to patients, as needed on the NHS) but no-one cares. I emailed Keir Starmer and got an automated message that I won’t get a response from him he only deals with his own constituents. I emailed the secretary for health and got the same message. I of course emailed my own MP but he almost never responds to any messages and when he does, it takes months. What is the point of this shitty life.

I hate how GP receptionists now won’t even put you on the list to speak to a doctor by phone/get an appointment unless you announce in great detail to the entire queue/waiting room what you want to see the doctor about. Whatever happened to patient privacy? And when I said I didn’t want to talk about it here and just wanted to speak to a doctor privately well that’s not good enough. I said it’s about changing my prescription. She said which item? I said the whole lot. She tried to make me call out each item in front of everyone and some are for embarrassing/private things that I don’t want to announce in public. She argued with me about it, it’s like a rite of passage now that you have to earn your right to see a doctor by loudly declaring all of your medical issues to the entire waiting room. And then she tried to fob me off by saying the prescription team would deal with it. The same prescription team who’ve been messing it up for a year now? No thanks. In the end I got a phone call with a doctor and she said she will leave a paper prescription with three months worth of everything on it. I guess I’ll collect it on Monday and see if the dosages are actually correct for three months but I’ll be amazed if they are. How can they keep making it so difficult? I’ve even complained to my local MP but he is useless and does nothing.

Been having near constant anxiety over the cost of healthcare that I even made a post about it. I’ve come to the dawning realization that I either have to: a) sell an organ b) find a sugar momma (or daddy, despite not playing for that team) c) start hookin’

I can’t exactly walk out of the house and find a part time job that will accommodate me and my long covid that will provide sufficient benefits in this god forsaken state. So its either pay another 20-25k a year or join the world’s oldest profession. Or I could become destitute.

idk how exactly I feel about it but so many of my family’s favorite stories of me are just me being very clearly autistic. Eating the same lunch for years on end, stories of me being overstimulated, etc. No they do not think I’m autistic.

So, obviously a big thing with autism is not understanding social stuff, at least best I understand it allistics have a more intuitive understanding of social situations/dynamics. Now a lot of the time this isn’t a huge issue for me personally, I guess with time I’ve learned from situations around me/masked/maybe I am just unaware. Or maybe I have just mostly stayed in safe situations I’ve done before. Yea there’s painful mistakes but overall I think they’re usually realistically minor. Anyway.

Where this has been a huge issue/worry for me for a while now is being trans and talking about that and navigating that with cis people irl. I’ve had pretty limited to trans people irl, especially before realizing I’m trans so I haven’t seen these dynamics play out. I haven’t seen a newly out trans person talking to cis people about things so I have no frame of reference for how to act, or like what the social boundaries are or what’s appropriate etc.

Now that I think of it never having intimate (not that intimate) conversations about feelings and things modeled for me as a child probably also did not help. But its all very stressful for me after the fact, worrying about what they might be thinking about me. Obviously a lot of it is really personal for me, I really care about women’s reactions/feelings/views towards me is, and idk. I just don’t know what’s okay. What’s uncomfortable. How to talk about any of it, its all new to me and I just don’t trust my intuition for what’s okay. (like yes obviously I can pick out things that obviously wouldn’t be but that’s not my struggle). Its all new social stuff for me. I don’t have scripts for what’s okay to talk about or do or get support with as a trans woman from cis women. I’ve opened up to quite a few people now and idk. That is not a dynamic I am used to or have seen or feels comfortable at all to me. I keep worrying long after my conversations.

Semi related but I feel like I often feel closer to people then they feel to me if that makes sense and is another thing I worry about in relation to this or any other kind of deep conversation topic.

I hope this makes sense I’ve been trying to figure out how to put it into words for a few days now and been typing for an embarrassing amount of time and am now exhausted. Also sorry I don’t engage with these threads much, I do read them but I feel my issues are quite different then most of yours and don’t know what to say. But I do care about you all.