I’m trying to plan my life, but I feel like I’m putting together a thousand-piece puzzle with no picture on the box
Stretch and exercise. Every day. Either your body or your mind, pick one a day and the other another, else you’ll end up stiff in the body, injure yourself trying to do simple things and have a head full of mush to boot.
Get yourself off as many social medias as you can, and join a local club that lets you be social while being active.
Learn to embrace being absolutely dog egg at new hobbies and unfamiliar tasks. There’s no avoiding it, so learn from it instead and work out what does and doesn’t work. When you start to get stuck long term, that’s when you go find someone to teach you.
Get an adblocker, ghostery and or privacy badger and dont trust free VPNs, because fuck adverts and the metadata they’d ride out with if you let them.
did you go to college yet? if not start in a community college and figure out from there, just dont take to long to finally choose a field though, like more than 2years to finally take courses in a specific field. no need to jump into more expensive 4 year when you can plan in a 2 year first, this gives you more free time to research different fields.
gen x here.
life always finds a way to shit on you at your worst. nothing new there.
celebrate the wins no matter how small, and every day you don’t give up is a win.
learn from your losses and pick yourself up from them and get ready for tomorrow.
take breaks, eat as best as you can, sleep regularly. take care of your health.
read more. not online bullshit. not the news. get a library card and read actual books.
Well, without any context it is hard to say. In very general terms, I have a little advice.
Find a job you don’t hate. You’re going be spending a lot of your time there, if it sucks your soul out you will never be happy. I think this is a super important one.
Don’t acquire needless debt. It’s so easy to fall into the buy now, pay later mentality. Especially when Klarna and Afterpay are shoved down your throat with every online purchase. It’s a slippery slope.
Quality is much more important than trendy. Sure, there is stuff that is quality and trendy. But you don’t need to buy a Le Creuset when a Lodge will do just as good.
Get a cheap hobby. Maybe there is a little up front capital to get started, like for tools or something. But if the rest of it is cheap, you’ll be able to do it more often. One of mine is restoring antique fountain pens. I needed a pen press, a buffing wheel, jewelry pliers, sac shellac, some 100% talc. But broken pens and sacs are cheap, so it is something I can do anytime for a few bucks. The detail work is soothing. And consumes hours.
It gets increasingly difficult to make friends after you’re out of school. So, hang on to your closest ones. Make time to keep seeing them, even if you don’t feel like going out.
I don’t know how young “young” is, but I think it’s pretty normal to feel that way in your early 20’s. It’s a time of big changes. And don’t compare yourself to social media. It’s not real life.
The key to happiness is not to have any hard expectations. I’ve heard the phrase “strong opinions held loosely” at work. But in life, soften the strong part. Random chance will have more impact on your path than anything else, so flow with it.
Get used to it. Seriously. The world is designed to keep you down (unless you’re a nepo baby, which it doesn’t sound like).
Trying to hold all those pieces of the puzzle together is stressful, and things will just keep piling up, and sooner or later it will all come crashing down.
Just take it a day at a time. Prioritize the things that are important, keep a list of things that require regular attention, and have some general idea of where you’re going and how to get there. But don’t stress too much about everything working out exactly as planned; be flexible because real life is dynamic and things always change, including your own priorities.
Make time for yourself and doing the things you enjoy, get plenty of rest, drink lots of water, and don’t be afraid to “do nothing” from time to time. Spend a little bit of time each day outside breathing fresh air. It’s all you can do, really…
Take your time and find yourself and your place.
I feel it took me longer than most to find my place in life, but looking back everything I did in life lead up to this. It’s really special to finally get here. But I also took my own pace to get here, and thats not a problem at all.
You really don’t know what the future holds, so don’t get bogged down planning too far ahead. Set yourself some achievable goals for the near future. It’s ok to have some vague plans for the distant future, but keep in mind that there is a good chance that your future could look very different than what you imagine it might be.
I second this. As they say, a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. It’s a lot less overwhelming to tackle problems in small pieces than by looking at everything at once.
Welcome to the club. The dirty little secret is nobody knows what they’re doing and any adult who tells you differently is lying to you. We are all flying by the seat of our pants in life, and just doing our best to make it. Enjoy the ride and try to have fun while you’re here.
After reading that, I feel a need to say,
“and thanks for the fish!”
I’m in my 50s and have at LEAST 2.8% of stuff figured out for my personal life.
There is no picture on the box. The pieces are blank… So draw an image on the box…
Visualize it and make at least one step in that direction each and every day. The pieces will then take on that image. Give that picture time to form.
Ask yourself, what does YOUR life want to be? Creative? Inventive? Adventurous? Domestic? Entreprenurial?
NGL, you don’t really hit it as to what you want and who you are until you’re 27 or so, then you’ll find that by 35 you’ll be stepping into your full potential. (It’s Peak Skills time.)
Sort that first… WHO you are. What you want, what you’ll tolerate and more importantly, what you will NOT put up with, no fucking way fuckyouvery much… (this is absolutely critical for mental and emotional well being)
Then give yourself time and be aware that tastes change as we get older, so be prepared to roll with a change if it comes to you.
Don’t hang on a sunk cost - regardless if you spent a decade going in one direction and then you find that you’ve pivoted to another…
The effort you put in going in that first direction is experience that will only give you a base on which to move from…
There’s a reason we have the phrase “well rounded” to refer to those with a wide range of skills, confidence and experience.
Everything is a benefit - whether it is a skill or just personal confidence.
Being a young adult, frankly, is a ball of suck.
My own life from 17 to 27 was a struggle with loneliness, self-doubt, financial hardship, and a ton of hard, ugly lessons.
It was ALSO a time of incredible fun, moments of pure joy and fierce companionship. And in all of that I learned a lot of confidence and fortitude. You will as well.
At 61 I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up, but I know what and who I am and have managed to find a niche that I fit into and expanded it into a profession.
Do I make the most money I could? Oh hell no… However, I’ve got a super community of people around me - friends, family and co-workers and we all get along and care for and about each other and that is what I have found matters - in the long run - the most.
Network the hell out of your life with people you admire and whose work you respect. The rest, in time, falls into place.
I don’t know how to explain it in terms that don’t come off sounding drippy and trite to some…
You’ve got more potential than you realize. Focus on finding the things that bring you the most joy once you’ve sorted who you are and explore them to their fullest and see what comes from that. There’s really no hard and fast rule, other than be flexible and open to change.
And NEVER hesitate to cut toxic people from your life. (speed dial that MF’er)
You got this.
Well, I’m a millennial and I feel like I’m an alien in nightmare hell. So my best advice is to adjust your expectations. If you’re at all like me, you won’t. In which case, seek a healthy community now that will last you a lifetime, and to take really good care of your body and mind, you’re durable, but will still take on real damage because this is real life. Investing in yourself is always the right choice, but listen to your body. Be gayer. Drink more water. Wear sunscreen. Wash your butt. Environment means a LOT more than you realize. Listen to people’s actions, not their words. Inaction is still action. Correlation is not causation. Define what freedom means to you. All relationships with people, including yourself, are relationships that are temporary and always bidirectionally negotiable, for better and for worse. Stretch more. Air quality matters, co2, humidity, mold, particulates, smoke, temperature, smell, familiarity, etc. Learn to be with yourself and who you are. Advice is a form of nostalgia, be cautious but patient with those who supply it. Don’t be a dick. Love and kindness is always the answer. Make peace with death so that you can live your life. Being different isn’t easy, but there’s nothing wrong with it. Every single person is fucking stupid, including you, and that’s okay. Confidence is not a signifier of competence. Practice makes permanent. You are going to fail a lot, but you will also succeed. Find out what you truly enjoy, but accept that your tastes may change. Define integrity. Understand what a fad is. Don’t expect to be entertained. Practice empathy, but don’t put up too much with those who don’t. Don’t vape or smoke. Suck dick at least once. Eat butt puss at least once. Realize that most people are just like you, but that you are not default or average in anything. Seriously, drink more water. Sugar is water soluble. And learn how to properly brush your fucking teeth and go to the dentist.
You’re kinda fucked. The world needs a reboot.
In the meantime, figure out which professions pay a decent enough wage and do the one you find most tolerable/ least objectionable.
Dont borrow a shit ton of money till you got a career going you like.
Save some money. Doesnt have to be a ton but just a few dollars per week will be better than 0
Dont lend money to friends (if you do, dont expect to get them back)
Life gets better
I was struggling too when i was around 20.
Life is awesome now years later
I haven’t seen this mentioned yet so:
Do not allow yourself to be persuaded, pressured, or bullied into having kids (including by yourself) until you feel 100% ready and that it’s 100% what you want. The days of “nobody feels ready for kids; just go for it and it’ll all work out” are way over. (This was always survivor bias bullshit advice, but with recent trends re: cost of living, housing availability, job market, etc., this attitude is straight-up reckless.)
When you’re young, even if you think you know what you’re doing, you’ll almost certainly make mistakes; having children makes moving through and moving on from those mistakes a hell of a lot harder. A sad number of folks I know in their 30s are stuck in places they no longer want to live having to regularly interact with people who ruined their lives because of their kids. Even when things go well, kids are a huge drain on your energy, finances, and ability to take advantage of new opportunities.
It might be scary feeling like there are too many options available to you right now, but being forced into a certain life path because you have kids is not a fun way to resolve that.
If you wait too long, it might become biologically impossible. Biologically, the best age for kids is between 20 and 35. After that, there is a sharp decline.
And there is never 100% readiness, nor 100% certainty that you want it. Especially not while you are that young.
A sad number of folks I know are in their 40s, and struggling to convince. They wanted to be 100% ready, then build a large family. And now it’s too late.
So if you are in a position where you can have kids, and think you want kids, you should probably go for it. Even if you aren’t 100% ready yet.
Having kids is a life-long commitment. Not having kids is simply the absence of said commitment. IVF and adoption are also always options, even after conceiving children becomes nonviable.
The bigger picture is: you can’t do everything in life, and often, the dreams you envision aren’t as romantic as a daily reality as they seem in your head. It’s okay to give up that option of a future permanently. There are tens of thousands of opportunities to add to your life, big and small. You will never even attempt most of them, and that’s okay. There is no syllabus or checklist or achievement board to fill out in life, unless you make one.
Having kids isn’t a hobby you can put down for a month, nor a job you can quit. You should absolutely be 100% on-board before having kids, and if you aren’t, don’t gaslight yourself into thinking you are.
If you are getting too old to conceive, your chances with IVF decrease similarly. It’s technically possible with egg donations. But that’s illegal here.
Adoptive parents may also only be at most 40 years older than the child. So if you are older than 40, you at least can’t adopt an infant. Only older kids.
So yes. Not having children at some point is also a lifelong commitment. At least if you are a woman.
Children are definitely not a hobby you can just put down for a month. But being 100% on board just isn’t how the human psyche works. People will always doubt themselves in everything.
I’m not saying to have children on a whim. But shouldn’t wait until you both earn 6 figures and have paid off your mortgage either. Just be certain beyond reasonable doubt, that you want kids, and that you can afford them if you live a frugal lifestyle. Most doubts probably aren’t reasonable.
Cut people out of your life that mistreat you. Do not make yourself miserable for some hypothetical better future.
It’s okay to try things without a full plan in place. It’s okay to drop things that aren’t working out; but do not rush to do so.
Invest yourself fully in your efforts. It’s okay if it doesn’t turn into anything. Even if you don’t end up with a tangible outcome, you’ll learn skills, you’ll learn about yourself, and you’ll find clarity in the bigger picture.
Do not constantly bog yourself down by repeatedly self-assessing. It’s a waste of energy and you’ll end up disappointed in the outcome of whatever you’re focused on.
Free yourself from fear of judgement. Look at how many morons are in positions of status and power. Criticizing you is a waste of time and energy. It’s foolish when others to do it, and it’s foolish to pre-emptively criticize yourself to get ahead of what others might say. (If you take any lesson here, let it be this one.)
