is it canon ronald or is it more like dr mcdonald from that anti-vegan lord bung video? how cosmic tier is he exactly?
little caesar
actually has a weapon
kool aid man
hulk tier strength and durability
green giant
giant
colonel sanders
combat experience
i’d only replace ceaser with the noid who could run interference with the least chance of being caught. good support
Sanders loved to throw hands. Definitely a dude you want on your protection detail
objectively correct answer with objectively correct reasoning
This is easy as hell. Big Boy, Jolly Green Giant, Kool Aid Man and either Little Casar or The Noid depending on exactly how little we’re talking. He has a spear. The Noid is a complete wildcard who is capable of anything.
I don’t even know which one is The Noid, but the name alone scares me
America really has a lot of junk food and fast food mascots that are aimed at being appealing to children. Reagan is looking up proudly with a tear in his eye.
Finally some good threads on Hexbear.
Ronald and Chuck E. both have crews for backup.
The Noid ruins pizzas so he hard counters Ceaser.
I didn’t trust the Jolly Green Giant because lots of media shows that just one giant is not always as effective as it seems especially against superior numbers.
Kool-Aid guy and Poppin’ Fresh both look like they have some overpowered magical/supernatural power that makes them really hard to kill.
Jack has barely changed in decades so he’s either immortal or on some high level training, plus he’s a CEO so he can bankroll an army.
I’ll take Jack for the funding, Ronald for his crack McDonaldland commandos, Kool-Aid Guy as a Hulk-like ace, and the Noid for pizza counters and general cartoon shenanigans.
It’s them against mostly just humans and animals. The only one that worries me is the little dough man.
The Green Giant, The Noid, Burger King and Kool-Aid Man
I agree heavy with the noid pick that little fucker is AMBULATORY as hell and just shows up places randomly. Teleportation. If I was fighting him he’d just shank me from the ether like it was nothing.
There’s a reason you avoid the Noid instead of fighting.
but replace the King with Jack Jackinthebox, that motherfucker has canonically beaten the shit out of pplThat guy shouldn’t have called it Junk in the Box, he coulda just tried the Jumbo Jack peacefully
The Green Giant (size) and the Kool-Aid Man (enough strength to burst through walls) makes sense to me, but why the other two?
Personally, I’d go for Chester Cheetah (predatory big cat, very fast) and Little Caesar (armed with a spear, a deadly weapon with length and reach)
I chose The Noid because for some reason I thought he had super powers lmao, and my choice for Burger King was since hes a king hes got to have burger knights or something right? And he might have a castle I could hide out in
This was gonna be my exact pick.
These are usually pretty challenging, but so many of these pose no threat at all.
Just regular people: Ronald McDonald, Chef Boyardee, Colonel Sanders, Wendy. Close enough: Jack. Not much bigger: Chuck E. Cheese.
Political powers not backed up by a living army: the King and Little Caesar.
Fucking tiny: Mr. Peanut, the Pillsbury Doughboy, the lollipop owl.
That leaves two giants, a thing that crashes through walls for fun and a goddamn cheetah.
Pretty sure that team could handle the Noid.
The King has stealth and breaking in powers.
Cheetahs are that scary, as far as big cats go theyre the most wimpy.
I was going to concede and swap him out for the Noid but then Chestah has human intelligence and that seems like just another Noid-like chaotic player. In retrospect, Big Boy is the obvious choice as enemy; the Green Giant counters his size and afaik that’s all he has.
does the burger king have like a burger royal guard or something? burger praetorian?
That was why I chose him as one of my protectors. I did find out he had a few side kicks in the 1970/80s. He had Sir Shakes-A-Lot and The Wizard of Fries. So if they come with him then I think the Burger King would be a great choice.
Green Giant because he’s a giant. Kool Aid because he’d just bust through my walls if he was after me. Colonel Sanders because he can get shit done. Chester Cheetah because I’m not outrunning a cheetah.
“he’d just bust through my walls”
Colonel Sanders because he can get shit done.
He’s a white southerner. I can guarantee he’s not the one doing the work.
So the question is… Who does?
You dont need to and shouldnt try. Cheetahs aren’t as tuff as most people think. Theyre fast but they’re pretty smol and not super strong
Green Giant is giant so he can stomp on them.
Little Caesar has the spear
Chester Cheetah can maul them
Jack is there for emotional support
I don’t know about the rest but I really don’t want Chuck E Cheese as my enemy.
yeah chuck e, ronald, jack, and big boy bc they some creepy dudes to have hunting you
Koolaid man top lane
Ronald mid lane
Chester is jungler
Little Caesar ADC
I’m a bottom (support)
- Kool-Aid Man: strong enough to bash through walls
- Green Giant: actual giant
- Little Caesar: armed with a spear
- Chester Cheetah: speed that the team otherwise lacks
Do I get their crew as well, cause all I need is grimace and fry guys.
