This is like the 3 time I’ve shit myself on accident this year, every time it happens I go to fart and push a little too hard and soil myself. 
now it has me worried I’m dying.
you would have to fucking violently waterboard me for 24 hours straight to get me to ever consider freely admitting something like “this is the third time i’ve shit myself on accident this year” LOL
praying for you and your underwear comrade…please try gently releasing your sphincter the next time you fart instead of going into fifth gear immediately so that you may have time to clench before the levee breaks and thus avoid having to wash your underwear
All my life I wasted so much time and energy on washing my underwear, I didn’t know you were only supposed to wash them when you shit yourself? God damn this is life changing
i knew someone would say something like this…never said you were ONLY supposed to wash your underwear when you shit yourself - but surely if you do shit yourself, you’re not tossing your shitty underwear on the top of your laundry pile and letting it sit until you do your weekly load - god damn i know it smell crazy where you live
you aren’t alive until you’ve shit yourself as an adult
you aren’t free until you can freely discuss it
you aren’t incontinent until you’ve shit yourself multiple times in a year
Meh, shit (…) happens to all of us
I think discussions like this are healthy and should be normalized within reason. Like yeah you don’t need to scream from the rooftops about your leaking butthole. But people shouldn’t feel unnecessarily shameful about discussing it with close friends/family and seeking medical help if necessary
And if anyone reading this thinks shitting yourself is something that you will never experience… well, I wish you luck with that. Keep proudly pushing those farts out with maximum pressure (hope you have thick, non-white underwear!)
ive admitted to fart worse on the internet
-2
by all means, check in with a doc. eat more fiber. but maybe dial back your trusting of farts too. the risk reward ratio is a no-go in my opinion. what has one really lost by farting into a toilet? a moment of time? a sense of pride? all these memories will be lost like sharts in the rain.
I’ve going to have to develop friggin’ fart etiquette.
Not enough people talk about fart trust. The privilege of those who can trust a fart and the loss of that privilege and it’s attendant joys when one is inevitably betrayed.
I tend to err on untrusting, but I’ve been re-learning to trust. Mostly to entertain myself and my household (the dog mainly, and my partner) while outside I’m much more likely to just… not fart. Simply reabsorb the fart until a suitable safe venue (home or a toilet) becomes available.
Removed by mod
Why would communism do this
Fiber, immodium, diet change. Rice and chicken like comrade Bailey had to eat last week.
That said, right there with you. It took almost a YEAR after i quit drinking for my poops to be normal again.
Solidarity, you got this!
I suppose I can start making myself poached chicken since my oven heating element is shot and all I can do is boil water.
That’s how we did for Bailey last week!
I’ve never boiled chicken before but I can give it a whirl, anything is good with hot sauce.
I will refer to you as Bailey now.
Hear that? It’s my turn to be good comrade pupper Bailey now.
alright guys, it’s not funny anymore. who shit my pants
hamas
I found a YouTube link in your comment. Here are links to the same video on alternative frontends that protect your privacy:
Not to be that guy, but it might be time to see a doctor
That is unless you trust a bunch of us weirdos to successfully diagnose your digestive issues
Which as someone who once considered becoming a doctor, I am more than happy to
Not to be that guy, but it might be time to see a doctor
Yeah I should get checked out, I often have the runs.
Sounds like IBS
Maybe. I do sometimes get indigestion in the form of heartburn.
You can probably narrow down what is causing it, assuming it’s dietary which I will assume, by doing the most basic things. Eat the same meals everyday and see if your shit quality improves. If you’re nearly shitting yourself, your shits are probably liquid or near liquid. You want those to be solid but soft.
Other people have already recommended it, but if you eat meat (I dunno what alternatives are, but there surely are some) you can eat like grilled or however you like it chicken, broccoli, and rice every day for a meal. Maybe two if you can tolerate it. Those three things are incredibly easy to “meal prep” aka “cooking” (not sure why people always have terms for stuff, but whatever). I cook myself like 5 days or so worth of all of them at a time and store them sealed in the fridge. Throw some seasoning on after nuking meals in the microwave… tastes fine.
That’s the meal vets prescribe to dogs when they keep shitting themselves. So if you can stand to eat that and another meal (I usually eat eggs, rice, small amount of bacon so I can get tasty fats in my body as my other meal. Low fat diets make me go insane). And maybe a third meal depending how you want to live (I eat plain “old fashioned” oatmeal with a spoonful of peanut butter (yeah, the type with salt and sugar, sue me health people) and a banana sliced up in it for breakfast basically everyday) You’ll soon discover if it’s your diet or maybe something else.
You should also go to a doctor of course if you can afford it and it’s an option. But if your diet is dogshit, packed with excessively spicy (as in hot not flavorful), sugary, or fatty foods, the doc is 100% of the time going to say “clean up your diet. Eat more fiber. Report back in [whatever time period].” Unless you have painful stomach issues or other kinds of cramps, pain, vomiting, etc. they are unlikely to dig much further than typical check up stuff and telling you to fix your diet since that’s the cause of most people’s stomach issues or bowel movement inconsistency.
Not directed at you, but I think a lot of people underestimate the simple logic of “thing goes in… things comes out” with food and taking shits. If someone eats a bunch of spicy hot wings, most of us expect to have a rough shit I think. By the same logic, if you eat a bunch of fatty foods like, I dunno, a lot of bacon or a whole bag of greasy chips, you should expect the resulting shit to be composed of a bunch of excess oils since that’s what you put in. Your body doesn’t need and can’t process a whole bag of lard or vegetable oil or whatever your chips are cooked in… so it blasts it out your ass in the form of little chunks of shit floating in digested lipids. That’s the exact recipe for your ass leaking. It’s internally lubed with bacon grease and chip grease… think about it
(I know some of this is humorous in nature, but it can’t be helped with poop discussions)
pull up ur pants and do the doodoo dance
Telling an “I shit my pants” story is weirdly endearing to me. It’s showing vulnerability about something that everyone has done.
We shouldn’t feel shame about a bodily function we have no control over anyway.
now it has me worried I’m dying.
Am doctor, can confirm. 3 sharts are a sure sign of imminently shidding yourself to death. So sorry 😔
Too much
or not enough Not enough, I haven’t had beanis in a bit but I supposed I do need more fiber.
Anyone telling you this has never happened to them at least just a little and not catastrophically is fuckin lying.
That said it is overwhelmingly likely related to diet.
This happens to us all from time to time but 3 is a lot comrade
I’ve got a friend who says once you hit 30, you get 2 freebies a year before you’ve gotta call the doctor but even that sounds like a lot to me.
2 sounds like a lot still and 30 sounds young too
30 is the new 40 here in 
I mean I hope I’m not shitting my pants multiple times a year until at least my 60s
Yeah I should get checked out soon, especially before I probably lose my medicaid under Trump.
So this is how democracy ends, with thunderous sharts
Is that a joke, or does Trump really attack people’s medical insurance worse than some other presidents?
Not really joking since he put Dr. Oz in charge of medicaid and to me t hat doesn’t bode well.
yet to shit myself unassisted by diarrhea but boy I keep getting reeeeal close recently
I’m putting it down to aging because my diet hasn’t changed that much and the rest of my body seems to be falling apart
I just be fartin all day these days
I’ve had incontinence my whole life.
Best advice I can give: Wear dark pants, and carry an identical spare in a backpack where possible.
