get three cows
label them 1, 3 and 4
airdrop them inside iran
while everyone’s distracted looking for cow #2, launch a surprise attack
Genius!
Okay, here me out. Pull your dicks out. Now put them in this lil guy right here…
Force them to use JavaScript
Have you tried throwing Iran a pizza party?
It demotivates American workers well enough.
it’s all going to be millions of fractured ideas about dousing their weaponry in bacon grease
These soldiers are going to get vaporized before they can even use their bacon greased bullets.
How to punish Iran:
- Put a whoopie cushion on the ayatollah’s chair
- Cover Iran’s frat house in toilet paper
- Put dog shit in a paper bag, light it on fire right outside the Iran border, ring the doorbell and run!
- Order like a 100 anchovy pizzas for the ayatollah
Starring Seth Rogan and James Franco.
call the ayatollah gay and imply that his dick is small
They already did that
We killed their schoolgirls, called the new Ayatollah gay and we’re all out of ideas!
Sail your entire fleet of aircraft carriers through the Strait of Hormuz. The strength on display would make them immediately surrender.
Sail the entire US Navy through the Solomen Isles. It’ll also give the anti-fowling coating on the ships a nice resurface!
Make sure to do a GWB-style presidential landing on an aircraft carrier once in the strait
:zapp-brannigan:
I really want to see what goes on in the minds of American troops, it would be really convenient if someone leaked that chat of whatever they’re saying.
Just go on 4Chan or any right wing discord. It’ll be the exact same endless stream of slurs.
It’s just going to be
- murder more civilians
- nuke them
- ask Israel if we can murder less scary Palestinians or Lebanese people instead
Don’t forget sexual assault “”““jokes””“”.
The ven diagram of troop chat and chat on a call of duty lobbies would just be overlapping circles. I don’t know if you would really gleam any useful context from a bunch of idiotic 18 year olds. You might learn some new slurs popular with zoomers?
I think literally the only way America could ever win or have won this would be to have done it 30 years ago when its technology and military buildup would have been an advantage, or to like, not piss off both Russia and China and work with one or both (unlikely to be China in either case) to invade and partition it
Or like pick a fucking lane between supporting Iraq vs Iran instead of trying to Both Sides it until Iraq lost and invaded Kuwait
like i literally do not know what the american ruling class is thinking. good for the rest of the world that it couldn’t decide and act on a coherent strategy but like my god what is wrong with them
i wouldn’t be surprised if kissinger or mearschimer types were advocating for that first part. a 2000s president mccain might’ve invaded iran.
The Iraq and Afghanistan wars were openly discussed as the first steps building towards invading Iran. The point was to get footholds and surround Iran on land.
Both of those wars went so poorly however that the American public lost all appetite for large wars of this scale and the US military switched strategies to the Obama doctrine of drone striking a dozen countries and funding terrorist proxies everywhere. That strategy worked to destroy Syria, but it did not work to hold onto the footholds of Iraq and Afghanistan.
An invasion of Iran never would have worked. They tried, they gave it their all and ended up backing off because it wasn’t working
An invasion of Iran never would have worked. They tried, they gave it their all and ended up backing off because it wasn’t working
I wonder if Trump is dumb enough to try it, they’ve not even bothered with Kharg Island yet, despite them saying they’d do it.
Hegseth & Trump like to appear to be strong but they’re not even willing to follow through with their desire to invade with troops.
Hourah for Khamenei’s guidance to prevent that
Have they considered depicting Iran as the crying wojak?
Dunno how much use that’d be against those weird AI generated Lego videos in which Iran’s dossier on Trump lists his name as “LOSER”
Don’t siege the strait, just take it.
Just take the L.
It’s inevitable they have to there’s literally no winning this war outside of massive losses and pissing off even more of the population. So I’d imagine eventually they’ll just slink off and be like “oh yeah we would have won but the second controller was broken!” then invade Cuba.
“oh yeah we would have won but the second controller was broken!”
You know it’s just going to be ‘stabbed in the back’ againEven massive losses wouldn’t win the war at this point if it ever would have lmao.
USA can win the war, but it would require WW2 level of commitment and would also irreparably fuck over the American Empire from overextension.
ww2 level commitment was possible because back then, the US had massive industrial potential. just vast tracts of factories, mines, trained workers.
so it was relatively easy to push the “arsenal of democracy” button.
they’d need a generation to rebuild that now.
They still have several times the population of Iran and also NATO and other allies. The economic efficiency would be much lower, but they still can mobilize and send enough people into the meatgrinder. They just don’t have other options, except meatgrinder and conceding defeat. Maybe they’ll do both.
The United States summoning 20 million loyal troops it is not even set to use, outfitting them, and sending them on boats to the other side the planet to not even be able to open the straight of hormuz is a fantasy the liberal dictator conception of Stalin could not fathom of acomplishing in any meaningful time if he was full control. You are imaging the United States winning what is essentially every war it has lost in the 20th century with Ukraine stacked on top in a longstanding country of 90 million and im supposed to call that serious? This isn’t even “potental man” nonsense. This is arguing that a giant ripping its limbs off to use as clubs would be an effective strategdy an some how not kill the giant.
I do think that they can do it, if they commit to it. And also the consequences for them would be comparable with the consequences of WWI for European empires. So loyal troops would not be loyal indefinitely.
I mean, they could also do a botched land invasion or use a nuke. Both are very very bad ideas but not beyond America
Are they going to start doing weird shit they used to do where they would do things like drop gay porn on their enemies?
The Men Who Stare at Goatse
Pun of the year right here! Just habd the award over now
MK Busta
Airdrop a bunch of magic eye images to distract the enemy and get 'em while their eyes are crossed.
Translation: warcrimes.
