The āHumans donāt require rest outside of sleepā still hurts me to this day.
As a kid, I would just doodle after a test or long reading and it was fine. I doodle during work after a long project, and coworkers start asking questions.
If Iām resting while at my desk, I have to pretend like Iām angry at whatever Iām looking at on the screen so nobody bothers me.
During lunch times, people try to form little parties like āAh were going to Fajita Hut to get some Sushirittosā and I have to lie because if I tell them Iām taking a nap, they get upset for not ābondingā.
My parents taught me the opposite of these things and I still turned into a rude asshole that puts way too much pressure on myself and others.
Thatās their point
Iāve got some
- enjoying things is a sin and if you enjoy something it will be taken from you or used to punish you
- wanting something is a sin and expressing your desire means you will never get it
- having emotions is a sin, and expressing your emotions is a sin, unless they are emotions youāre supposed to have
- disagreeing with an adult is a sin
- children are property with no rights at all
Holy trauma.
- You live in a place where social workers are an urban legend
I mean these things werenāt taught through anything as explicit or obvious as physical abuse (except spanking I guessā¦ hmm). No one would know how painful my childhood was if I didnāt tell them, and even if I did a large proportion of people wouldnāt see any problem at all. Mostly it was constant negative feedback for perceived shortcomings or disobedience, and the complete lack of positive reinforcement or affection. Their authoritarianism and the impossibility of their punishments changing my fundamental nature meant punishment eventually extended to denying me anything they could think of. Anyone on the outside would probably say my parents were doing their best with a ādifficultā child. That their actions came from a place of āloveā. But really it was two neurodivergent people passing their trauma and abuse onto me. It was subtle, slow, and insidious emotional damage, accumulated over years.
Is there some child abuse hotline where you live? Like Telefono Azzurro in Italy?
my parents always say, āoh you just need to apply yourself sweetie.ā And im like, you think I dont fucking apply myself every fucking day? You cant stand the idea of me being bad at something? It makes me angry.
Itās just like how parent teacher interviews went for me through the entire 13 years I was schooled, āoh he doesnāt ask many questionsā, well maybe either you barely taught me about a topic that itād be embarrassing to ask a question or I know so much about the topic that you should be asking me the questions, rarely anything in between, but they still kept saying I donāt ask questions, as if that really adds value to the way I get educated.
Also not asking questions could just be because you have nothing to add or say, same thing with general social interactions if I respond with a grunt it probably means I heard you but I aināt got nothing to add.
Yeah exactly, that too. I usually tend to zone out and think about my interests instead, since all the classes were just a whole lot of yap and basically just saying everything needed for 10x longer than it should go for, then they wonder why students couldnāt keep up in many sessions lol
ADHD kids are bad at applying themselves. They heard that line A LOT.
āyou have so much potentialā
Surely if we just destroy your self worth youāll unlock that potential, right?
Iād bet the poster has autismā¦
And shitty parents
And/or ADD
Stupid rules like āonly refuse onceā. You have to refuse once because itās considered polite to offer, even if they donāt want to, so you have to refuse once. If they actually meant it they can now go āoh, but I insistā, at which point you should accept, otherwise itās impolite to refuse.
Now I see why people have to clarify āno means noā
Remember those parents forgetting their toddlers in cars on hot summer days? Being forgetful is a sin in the sense that if you donāt work to resolve it early or be mindful of it, that parent could one day be you.
The happiness vs potential is kinda shitty. But the worldās a shitty place. Having the skills to cope with it is overall better than not. A balance should be sought.
Some consider rest and restful activity as different, but yeah, all work and no fun makes for a dull child. Or something like that.
Physical encouragement is seen as education in a world where education is woefully underfunded.
Intimacy with strangers can be considered as unburdening your worries unilaterally unto them. This can be seen as rude or unwelcome when affected by social woes.
Etiquette at its core is a form of respect, mindfulness and appreciation. However it is a representation of snobbism when applied artificially.
Except that being forgetful isnāt something you can magically fix. Take it from someone with severe ADHD, I wish I werenāt as forgetful as I am, but there is nothing I can do about that for most things. āResolve it earlyā is such an ableist and completely dismissive take that I canāt see how anyone would ever believe thatās a legitimate answer.
That isnāt what the post is about. Itās about the fact that society (specifically neurotypicals) believe that fulfilling the expectations of what others have for you is more important than your own happiness. That is the product of late stage capitalism, and is an utterly depressing way of viewing people. It distills people into simply the role that they serve for you, dehumanizing us. You canāt seriously be defending that? āOh, you have a complaint about how the world works? I donāt care, learn to deal with itā. People are allowed to have disagreements about how things work and point out the disservice it does to humanity. Your ignorance and dismissal of that fact is insensitive.
Still being dismissive; itās very clear what theyāre talking about, and you do nothing but whine about semantics by pointing this out.
Missing the point completely here. One should be allowed to decide who they show physical affection to. It is not our responsibility as humans to serve the needs of other people against our will, yet that is exactly what we are expected to do.
Where is this one even coming from? I see nothing here about intimacy with strangers. If youāre going in order through this list, I can only assume youāre talking about the point discussing informing people of your preferences? I donāt see anything intimate about that whatsoever. I certainly donāt see anything even remotely alluding to āunloading your worriesā onto them.
Etiquette, at its core, was invented by the rich as a way to seem superior to the poor. It exists solely to enforce classism through meaningless mannerisms that serve no positive function. It exists to serve rich people with a superiority complex, and to degrade those of lower class. It isnāt a form of respect; itās an artificial system that was created so the rich can look down at the āuncivilizedā poor.
See? I can be dismissive of your entire comment, too. Except my points have an actual basis in reality, which seems to be missing from much of your comment. :3
What are you doing here, anyway? You see a post indicating the things that someone has learned through childhood trauma, and just make it your mission to invalidate all of their experiences? For those of us who have experienced the same trauma (mostly us neurodivergent folks), this post serves as a relatable way to lighten our mood, by acknowledging our shared trauma. There is nothing ādarkā or āupsettingā about this to anyone with a soul. If your first instinct when hearing about the grievances someone has with the world is to attack them for speaking their truth, then I hardly have to wonder what kind of person you are.
Itās not about magically fixing forgetfulness. Itās more about exploring the subject from every angle. Accepting it canāt be done should only happen after everything has been done. But it doesnāt mean the exploration should ever stop.
You bringing up society as a united front when itās been made more and more clear how disjointed it really is makes me chuckle. Every culture has its set of rules. Every group of any kind looks to instill its own private little values into the tolerated mainstream. And the mainstream is just a hodge-podge of ideas that some will fight to the death to defend for some dumb reason. If you feel dehumanized for any reason, then thatās an issue of your own self worth that you should look to solve.
You see whining and semantics. Why canāt I do the same? Or am I not allowed for some odd reason? Rest is associated with sleep. Because most people canāt sit with an empty mind. They think, they plan, they worry. This way the body might regain some energy, but the mind will still exhaust itself. A restful activity is meant to relax the mind as well as the body. Itās slower, yet more balanced. How would that lack a basis in reality?
I never said one shouldnāt show physical affection towards those they care for. I gave an example as to why someone would do it differently. Itās not a blame game. Different people have different priorities. If you canāt understand why they would do things differently, why do you expect for them to do so for you? By saying youāre different, one would expect that comes with the understanding the same can be said for the one you differentiate from. Youāre different from them, theyāre different from you. Or else, youāre not?
Interacting with someone and telling them your likes or needs is a form of intimacy. You intimate to them details of yourself. That creates a superficial from of burden where they decide whether to respect or reject these preferences. This might be particular to specific situations because it depends on oneās own outlook on things. Canāt say i understand it much myself, I threw it out there because it seemed to fit at the time.
Etiquette, at its core, was invented as a personal religious ritual through which one grew closer with their worshiped spirits or gods. Later it separated and grew into a religious form of control, which the so-called nobility incorporated to showcase their āsuperiorityā, but also into sets of organized rules in regards to certain practices. Medicine relied on etiquette to promote the washing of hands before eating, using clean utensils instead bare hands. Education relied on etiquette to promote the correct methods of using and maintaining learning materials. Etiquette, at its core, is order among the chaos. Disparaging it because it was practiced by those you donāt like doesnāt help your arguments.
There is little of my reality in your points. And i presume there is little of your reality in mine. Our perceptions of the world donāt match. But make no mistake, i make no attempt to dismiss yours, itās just that weāre different in train of thought and so, canāt really understand each other all that well.
āIām gonna take this vent post about childhood trauma, and go out of my way to invalidate and be dismissive of every point individually. That will surely be helpful for others with similar trauma engaging with this post.ā
ā You
The post isnāt positive or helpful. It reinforces negativity, feeds anger and increases overall stress. The dark side doesnāt have cookies, it feeds on suffering, both of oneself and to others.
I donāt see why a momentary boost with long term unwelcome side effects is preferable to a steadier, but more durable approach on life.
You do you, but I still think itās bad for you.
The post isnāt positive or helpful. It reinforces negativity, feeds anger and increases overall stress.
To someone who hasnāt experienced relevant trauma, it may look that way. To those of us who have been through it, just knowing youāre not alone can go a long way. The fact that people are talking about the issues from this post goes to show that what weāve been through isnāt healthy - and thatās a message some people need to hear before they can overcome said-issues.
If you donāt need reminders that your awful experiences are valid, and that itās okay to break free from the psychological cages you were put in as a child, consider yourself lucky.
Note that itās all part of a journey. Dwelling on the past long-term can be harmful, but putting in some deep thought to where you are and how you got there can be crucial for healing from childhood trauma. Commiserating with a post like this might seem depressing to you, but for many of us it is simply an early step toward that eventual goal.
Alright, itās a difference of perspectives. We walk spread around unevenly on a road unknown.
I wonāt delete the comment though, if thatās something you might be asking. But if you think itās unhelpful, feel free to ask a mod to do it instead .I wonāt mind or make a circus out of it.
Oh, no, I wouldnāt ask you to delete anything. I just know that forms of catharsis can look strange to those who donāt experience the same feeling.
Like when someone finds that screaming out to heavy metal songs takes their stress away, while another person hears it and thinks, āHow could they listen to something that makes them angry?ā The trick is, the music doesnāt āmake them angryā at all. Rather, it provides a release to emotional tension that would otherwise still linger around inside a person, leading them to feel calmer in the end.
Posts like this provide a similar role, and thatās all I meant to convey.
Looking around, guess itās easy to misinterpret words and meanings then.
It is helpful. Being aware of these behaviours and how they could potentially map onto you is immensely valuable. You canāt fix a problem if youāre not aware of it
Sometimes you have to go through the dark to get to the light
And how is my comment not going through the dark to get to the light? I see a dark post and Iām going through it to show a bit of light on things. Just because some people disagree with what the light shows doesnāt mean they should crawl back into the dark and hiss at what they see.
You could, I dunno, block this instance? This isnāt Reddit m8, we donāt want to hear your shitty hot takes.
No. Everything is a shitty hot take. Tis the way of meme generation.
Good job at being an insensitive prick
Thanks.
Remember those parents forgetting their toddlers in cars on hot summer days? Being forgetful is a sin in the sense that if you donāt work to resolve it early or be mindful of it, that parent could one day be you.
No joke, that worry kept me up on more than a few nights because Iām forgetful as hell.
While my kid was that young, I had a stuffie that was in their car seat when they werenāt, and it went on the passenger seat anytime they were in the car. Thankfully nothing ever happened, but that was one of the many anxieties that came during the pandemicā¦
