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HELLO THIS IS THE MEGA SIGN UP POST/LIST POST
if you have a preferred week please tell me
Shaleesh* (2/23 - 3/1) SwitchyandWitchy* (3/2 - 3/8) Wmill* (3/9 - 3/15) Disaster_of_Passion* (3/16 - 3/22) meler* (3/23 - 3/29) * after name denotes someone who has posted before and will be skipped by first-time posters
Can I get an uwu?
I said CAN I GET AN uwu??
horny
Finally made butt things work for me 😅 I’ve always been scared because it felt unsanitary to me. That also kept me from being able to relax and enjoy it. Still struggling to relax, but I definitely enjoyed it today 😳
I really fucking love this little corner of the internet and I’m thankful for all of you
mild nsfw
I freaking love women 😤
Amazing how my whole week can be summarized as “nothing ever happens”, but with a whole lotta gut wrenching pain in between.
Shaved my chest and belly today, the latter not particularly well but it makes the whole area look a lot more feminine. I think if the average person was presented with just my torso they’d think it was a woman’s. Largely cause of the boobs
I’ve been enjoying the manga After God so much! It’s got a lot of aspects of my xenogender in there, it’s so cool 🥹 and feels almost uncanny. Like it’s been plucked out of my own imagination! The story is also just… cool in general (to me, as a fan of supernatural horror.) Heavy CW for the content, I guess I have always liked difficult, brooding stories with the caveat that I am critical of what I read / watch.
Sucks because I ran out of chapters and I can tell it’s one of those stories that I will think about a lot, especially for how relatable the cursed protagonist is to me 😩
It feels similar to Dunmeshi (which I also related to heavily) but more intense and way more edgy.
i wish my fingers were more thin and slender so I could more easily stick bugles on the tips of them. my fingers are currently too stout and wide for most bugles
I was listening back to a recording of myself and my god I sound gay when I get excited about something. It gives me a little euphoria even though I sound like a guy
trans woes, mostly dysphoria, alcohol and t4t relationship troubles
I feel ashamed of being trans. Being maternal and motherly. Being there for my community when they need me. And its because of my partner. No, they aren’t cis, they’re enby actually… but they only transitioned socially which makes them feel “less trans”.
Yesterday (its 9am my time) i went to a distant part of my city to grab t-blockers from a transgirl that came from another country. We hung out together for 8 or so hours. I felt my heart sink when i watched the train they were in slowly take off the station… then i went to meet up with another transgirl alongside my partner. I met both these transgirls for the first time, we talked online for a while but… this was the first time i actually saw them face to face. I gave this other transgirl -the one i met up with my partner- half of the t-blockers i had.
This morning she told me she’s starting her HRT. She even posted the date in our dms. Sweet girl…
But… last night… my partner began chastising me for loving transgirls - as if i don’t love enbies. They made me feel ashamed of being trans altogether and in particular transfemme. I already have trouble accepting and loving myself… i can barely do those things while still struggling to exist every day. I’ve taken up drinking this past week, but, i stopped at the request of my partner. I feel ashamed of myself for being maternal, for fostering trans kids online and taking care of another one irl now. I feel ashamed of myself for being a bad partner, because they talk to me like i don’t do anything to support them, like i don’t love and appreciate them.
I’m hurt. Deeply hurt by everything going on in my life. I’m overworked and paid minimum wage during a staff shortage. HRT might be banned any day across the nation. In autumn i start university, which i had my application frozen due to some shenanigans around a language proficiency test. I got kicked out of one of my major support groups due to something that isn’t even in my control, thankfully some of the people there care enough that they still want to be here for me. The last time i asked my partner for emotional support i recieved a 4 minute audio file chastising me for not being appreciative of their love and support alongside a wall of text elaborating on that audio. Everything happened over the course of the last 3 weeks too. Too little time for too much.
It’s 9AM right now and i have work in 4 hours. The half-empty vodka bottle calls to me
Catching a train, leaving my home for the first time in a while, a guy stands up and introduces himself to the carriage, some speech about being homeless, having a wife, whatever
I hand him a fiver I have been holding onto for this kinda thing, he says like thank you sir, you have kindness in your heart, god bless you
😮💨
once again I am languishing with the idea that god allows all this to happen, okay bud
I am in my T H I C C maxxing arc. I’m such a carb pilled girl, snacking at midnight.
I am 100% sure my legs have gotten thicker, my ass probably got fatter too. I’m going to keep eating and slightly working out.
sadness and dysphoria
Every now and again it all really hits me
nothing is actually translating to my life. I’m not “putting the work in”. I have made no progress in finding a real job, like ever. Sure I’ll sit here like a useless fuck and try to squeeze some happiness out of the little hrt changes or whatever but my actual life sucks. And I’m not doing enough to change it.
There’s no hope. I have my little depressed world of imagination and wishes inside my head and that’s it. I have no hope of getting an actual job, my own actual place, someone who loves me, and most importantly a body/voice I’m happy being in. There truly is no point in living.
Why would I want to live another day in the disgusting, horrible body. Pain day in day out. It has crushed everything.
I can’t get myself to get a good job. an okay job. I can barely do anything. I am feeling so unbelievably worn out from 30/week. I’m fucked. My stupid fucking dysphoria has ruined everything. I’m tired. I’m hopeless. Everything good is just made up shit I can’t put in enough effort.
I’m not built for this stupid fucking life.
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