I think I can see what went wrong here. The therapist is probably trying to disrupt their internal narrative but hasn’t established the baseline trust. Confrontation can be important in therapy. Sometimes, people can get the idea that their agency doesn’t matter, that they are just the sort of person who doesn’t get to (lose weight/have sex/get that job/etc.) and part of a therapist’s job can be to get the patient to break down that belief by questioning it, but if they haven’t established the necessary trust with the patient, it just comes across like a trollish comment on the internet, a random attack from a stranger who might not only not be doing it for your best interest but even to be hurtful for their own amusement.
it’s green text; it’s more made up than an r/aita and r/tifu post combined.
Greentext means it was written by an ignorant person, not necessarily that it is false.
it just comes across like a trollish comment on the internet, a random attack from a stranger who might not only not be doing it for your best interest but even to be hurtful for their own amusement.
And Only time and repetition will be able to tell if it’s in good faith or bad faith.
The problem is that it’s bad fiction.
i wish a lady would interrupt my narrative with her baseline trust.
*thrust
Yeah the “you didn’t really try” can be super dismissive from a stranger. Or it can be a positive message like “you are stronger than you think” coming from a friend. But I don’t think even coming a friend you’d get that, when you are down the hole.
Yeah, and I think the better way of phrasing such a thing is “you’re defeating yourself before putting in a good external effort.”
I remember being young, a virgin, and struggling to get laid. And yeah I really thought I was trying, but it was more like I was trying to try. I wasn’t chatting people up, I wasn’t going out, I wasn’t socializing much at all, and when someone literally fell into my lap hitting on me I pushed her away. I was dealing with my own mental issues and while I wanted to get into a relationship or even just laid, those issues stood firmly between me and actually trying. Hell, it had turned out I had been hot the whole time.
deleted by creator
This is the only sensible response I can see in the whole comments section. Lot of replies from people who think a therapist’s job is to cheer you up with a wholesome pep talk and send you on your way.
Sometimes a pep talk is what you need. Sometimes it’s a harsh reality check. The quality of a therapist is partly determined by their ability to know when one or the other is needed.
Context and tone are so important in therapy. I had trouble with a new counselor because she was far more challenging than my last one, who was more about building my confidence. She kept pushing, lightly, until I defended myself — I told her that suffering isn’t a competition and how I feel is valid — when I realized she was trying to get me to own my emotions when I was almost disassociating. She’s better than I initially thought, and she treaded that line very well.
Therapists with specialties seem to dislike it when their client doesn’t fall under that umbrella. I had a therapist whose specialty was child sexual abuse. I told her I didn’t experience any and she defensively snapped “Are you sure? Maybe you don’t remember it!”. I did not stick with her for long.
when all you have is a hammer everything looks like a nail and stuff
"are you sure it’s that you just weren’t a hot enough kid? "
"how does it feel to know your parents/relatives didn’t find you sexually attractive enough to abuse you? "
"are you sure it’s that you just weren’t a hot enough kid? "
"how does it feel to know your parents/relatives didn’t find you sexually attractive enough to abuse you? "
Story of Mr(s) Garrison’s life.
I swear some therapists exist just to teach you to stick up for yourself by being lousy at their jobs.
To be fair, black-hole-ing a traumatic memory absolutely happens to people. That said, that reaction is absolutely not how to go about resurfacing that kind of thing. If anything it needs to be handled with way more care than self-reported trauma.
Are you sure? Cause mostly I hear the idea of repressed memories being bullshit.
See the Satanic Panic where a bunch of people suddenly “remembered” being forced to do Satanic Rituals at daycare
I have very few memories of my dad being abusive to me, family has told me stories and I remember none of them but I know they happened.
I have repressed memories, but that was intentional on my part and its not like it undoes the C-PTSD. Just means I don’t wake up in a cold sweat anymore like I did when I was 10, the memories are there and can come back with the right trigger but they are luckily rather scarce.
I just wish I could do that to the embarrassing shit I’ve done over the years, and there’s one happening right now FUCK. It’s like I have a cursed version of Nenios ability to forget in Pathfinder wrath of the righteous.
It’s a thing. It’s because Traumatic™ memories are stored differently in your brain than normal bad memories. Essentially the part of your brain primarily responsible for digging up memories doesn’t have the connections it world normally use to call up the memory, but the connections within the sensations and experiences of the memory still exist. That’s why a person can “unlock” these memories.
You have to be super careful trying to dig these things out though, because it is absolutely possible to accidentally lead a person into false memories.
Information on episodic memory are stored in different parts of the brain and recalling episodic memory also involves the emotion centres but I don’t think a happy memory and a traumatic memory are necessarily stored any differently.
How does PTSD fit into repressed memories?
Apparently Traumatic™ is different from traumatic with no emphasis. I am not a neurologist but it’s my understanding that you can sit people in fMRI (or other brain activity monitoring systems) along with other monitoring systems and watch the difference between a normal memory and a flash-back. Like the Traumatic™ will function differently in ways you can measure. I learned about it from The Body Keeps the Score but I haven’t read further than that. If you have resources that aren’t too technical let me know. Some of what was in that book was pretty soft science, but the Traumatic™ memory stuff was pretty hard as far as I could tell.
Nope. This was mostly a psychological fad in the 1980s that led to many ruined lives from false accusations. Even the Wikipedia page starts off by saying the phenomenon has been largely discredited. Many people still believe in it but the vast majority of cases of “repressed memory” cannot be independently proven outside of the patient and therapist and in many cases are actually contradicted by externally verifiable facts.
aka all the 1980s/1990s lit on alien abduction was based on this crap and using ‘hypnosis’ to ‘reveal’ it.
it makes for good story telling, which is why it became a staple of TV dramatizations.
What do you even supposed to say to that.
I’m pretty sure it never happened but I guess I could have forgotten, I guess, if you want.
Nothing makes someone feel safe and heard like a therapist completely unable to comprehend that something considered socially embarrassing is possible. If you have a friend like this, heathygamergg on YouTube is making some amazing dating videos and thinks helping someone date is something simple every therapist should be able to do. Maybe not quickly but as he put it, a 5 year goal so you aren’t as desperate
You also have to take into account that is a very high possibility that what this guy is doing is being creepy and a “nice guy”, and whether intentionally or not is pushing anybody who might be potentially interested in him away.
I’ve seen it with one of my idiot friends. He’s perfectly nice normal person and you can have sensible conversations with them but whenever it comes to hitting on girls he goes all pick up artist on them. Of course if there’s one group of people who can’t hit on girls it’s people who watch pickup videos on YouTube.
Yeah even I’m a beautiful girl and I was just laying here an hour ago thinking how much I want to have sex right now but the problem is when there’s nobody compatible around to have sex with. That’s the problem.
Edit: added the word compatible.
My boss told me this is due to the skills shortage.
Sup.
Literal definition of “incel”.
Such a shame it got commandeered, even if it was inevitable from the start
Well, the term got created by people who were using it to describe themselves as if it were a disability and they needed some kind of special treatment to solve their “problem”. Naturally this also had an overlap with the then-trending “Pick-Up Artist” community right from the start. Or incel forums which were an insane crab bucket of woman-hating basement dwellers. I don’t even mean like just rude to women, I mean hate and fear.
Needless to say being associated with this group in any way was embarrassing and it quickly became the butt of jokes. It quickly became an insult, though I don’t think it’s exactly fair to apply to people who just are virgins rather than self - described incels who are a member of that community.
You might want to check your sources. Most people associate it with 4chan and the like but the term was coined in the 90s by a woman who started a support group for people who had trouble connecting with others, herself included.
But what happened, predictably, is that people who were helped by the group left. No reason to go to incel meetings if you’ve found love. The people who never found a part er grew bitter and poisoned the whole thing.
I didn’t know it went that far back. I first heard about it around 2009, and it wasnt strictly associated with 4chan but it seemed for all the world like a new trend at the time.
This is like 1/3 the reason I think we should legalize sex work. There’s some percentage of people who might have sex finally, and realize “Yes that’s fun but maybe I shouldn’t shape my whole life around it” and go on to form hobbies and interests that will make them more successful in life and in love.
therapist is offering to suck his dick and he’s just not getting it
That’s the gay part. Fake: man goes to therapy. Gottem.
Therapist are like toothpaste. You keep trying another one until you find one that you like.
Most people would say shoes …
I just switched to a new toothpaste.
How is it?
A little too minty.
On to the next one, then.
I still got most of a tube to work my way through. I think I’m going try the cheapest colgate next.
I recommend whatever the cheapest Sensodyne is.
Mint is milder than Colgate. Active ingredient is Strenuous fluoride which is better for your teeth and bonus points it reduces sensitivity to hot/cold
In my experience, Colgate tends to leave a feeling that the teeth and mouth are still not as clean as they should be — at least the cheap varieties do. That’s while I scrub in there for like fifteen minutes.
In comparison, everything feels squeaky clean after Blend-a-Med. But idk if it’s widely available outside of the Europes.
$2 tube of Colgate w/ baking soda & peroxide. All you need.
Do you like cinnamon? I switched to cinnamon paste and floss, because my cat loves mint. I didn’t know it existed until I just searched out of desperation.
You don’t like your cat checking your breath?
I do like cinnamon. So much so I just restocked my Wrigleys big red supply. I don’t think I want cinnamon toothpaste though.
deleted by creator
I like my toothpaste like I like my therapists, twice a day and in my mouth.
It took me half a decade to find my first therapist (that would be covered by insurance and accepts new patients (the German health system is fucked)). But I do believe I got quite lucky.
You should see the finnish system… there is no therapist on sight to point of being illegal by basic constitutional rights, and still nobody bats an eye nor do you get any treatment that helps.
I would have assumed they were religious before asexual. I’ve known many people who were virgins until they married in their late 20s or early 30s.
I fucked so many good christian girls (and boys) up the ass in high school.
They all got married as virgins too.
Blast from the past
Th… thanks, satan!
I’m so sorry to bring that reddit bs over, but you do have a fitting username
nah thats not a reddit thing, that’s a social media where you shouldn’t use yoir real name thing
So green text got a shitty therapist and needs to get a new one. Pretty normal, really.
had a therapist try to get me to realize Jesus is the answer to all of life’s problems. At the time I had been going to a christian church all my life. like yeah, OK Debbie, I like Jesus too, but praying it’s making me have less OCD behaviors I want need to start coping with or breaking so it stops ruining my life.
Funny, religion exacerbated my lifelong depression and associated mental health issues so badly that I almost self destructed (in several ways) in high school.
skill issue huh, shame
So OP, tell me what did you try? Did you go outside and meet people? Or maybe do you speak and try to arrange in person meetings with people you know online? Nothing? When you say “trying” what exactly that mean?
I mean, as someone who used to be in a similar sort of position:
- Consider going outside and asking random attractive strangers to have sex with me -> no, that would be weird and rude and unpleasant for them, and that would make me feel terrible.
- Consider going outside and interacting with random attractive strangers in a friendly capacity, getting to know them a bit, then asking them to have sex with me -> no, I would be building the friendship under false pretenses. Revealing my desire to have sex with them would be a betrayal of their trust, and would make me feel terrible.
- Go to a bar or club where people commonly congregate with the intention of finding novel sexual partners -> Everyone seems to already know everyone they are talking to. Also, I can barely hear myself think over how loud the music is. Also, I have a creeping feeling that someone is going to stab me, so I move towards the nearest wall and put my back against it, then look in every possible direction as quickly as possible so I can see the threat before it comes. I talk to no one.
- Go to a bar or club, but drink so you’re less of an anxious wreck -> proceed to get plastered on the cheapest drinks the bar sells. Feeling that I’m going to be stabbed reduces, but this creates more space for my brain to notice that no one is talking to anyone they don’t know. Go home drunk and hating yourself for not figuring this out when everyone else has.
- Hire a prostitute -> No.
- Start online dating account -> get no matches. Max out swipes every day, still no matches.
- Consider getting better pictures for online dating account -> this would be misleading and catfishing. Your pictures should be an authentic representation of who you are.
I’m far past that stage in my life now. But the problem most of these guys have isn’t that they are unwilling to put in effort, so much as it is that they have it in their heads that all the forms of effort that would actually be effective are, in one way or another, morally wrong.
Most of that makes sense but
- Consider getting better pictures for online dating account -> this would be misleading and catfishing. Your pictures should be an authentic representation of who you are.
That’s silly. It’s completely normal to try and show your best self on dating sites. Unflattering pictures usually either come off as laziness, or like you’re just so ugly that those ARE flattering pictures. So long as you aren’t using edited pictures, or pictures of someone else that’s not catfishing.
I mean, all of the above points are silly. The issue isn’t the actual percieved constraints - it is the belief that these constraints are real and/or insurmountable.
For example, talking to a random attractive person in a public place because you are interested in them isn’t weird, rude, or unpleasant for them. Well, maybe it’s a bit weird these days, but as long as you are polite and genial about it, it’s the good kind of weird that makes you stand out from the crowd. Of course, you can make the whole interaction unpleasant, but former-me’s problem was that he assumed it would be, full stop.
The fact is that the above list is a list of genuine problems and concerns. But these are problems to be solved, not absolute barriers to action.
I also noticed that a number of these guys would also only persue women who were on the high end of physical attractiveness (or with very particular features) but had nothing in common with them. By strictly limiting acceptable potential partners by upholding strict physical standards, by prioritizing “hot girls” over “nice girls” or even “interested girls” they missed a lot of human connections. Including fun sex.
I’ll also admit to possibly falling into this category. But I’m not going to apologize for it. The fact is that no matter how nice or interesting a girl is, if I’m not physically attracted to her, then I don’t want to have sex with her.
And if I went ahead and had sex with her anyway, the sex wouldn’t be fun because I would feel awkward and put off and gross for having sex with someone I’m not actually attracted to - which, through no fault of my partner’s, would then make it bad for her too. Trust me, I’ve tried.
I’m not saying that this is how anyone else’s sexuality works. But it is how my sexuality works, and there’s nothing I can do about it, and it’s nothing to be ashamed of.
I’ve heard there are some guys out there who refuse to date any woman who doesn’t look like a fashion model because they have some kind of sense of entitlement about it - this is not me. Those guys should drop their ego, and sleep with whichever women they find hot and enjoyable to be around. But my standards for attractiveness are not about ego - they are about what I find attractive. And once my standards of attractiveness aren’t met, then I am not attracted to a person… sorry.
Not to say that women’s personalities are irrelivant, either. A woman I don’t find attractive for whatever reason can still be a wonderful friend. And if a woman is attractive and has a bad personality, at a certain point it becomes a dealbreaker even for a drunken hookup. And if a woman is attractive and has a good personality, fantastic! I hope she wants to keep hanging out and I hope I can make her cum lots and lots of times on many occasions!
But the reality is, if you have a disposition like mine, you are definitely playing a harder game than a lot of other people. The 'tism + high sex drive + nonmonogamous + straight as an arrow + physical attractiveness motivated combo really just leads to one conclusion - you gotta be hot so the babes will wanna suck your dick, bro!
So I just put the effort into being attractive, and it works out alright.
The bad stuff comes with holding unreasonable expectations and hurting others or oneself to persue them. That doesn’t sound like what you’re doing.
Fake- anon talks to girl
Gay- anon goes to therapy
OP needs a new therapist using a different therapy style. Keep trying folks. (I have my favorites, but so does everyone.)
finding a good therapist is like dating, but you gotta pay for dates. it’s hard finding one that’s good for you.
if op had the bandwidth to treat going to therapy like dating, they probably would not be a virgin, and would possibly not need therapy
Im not sure if this fake person would solve all their problems by having sex.
that was not the implication, the implication is that if they were healthy enough to seek social fulfillment by “dating” multiple therapists, then they would have been healthy enough that they would have found social fulfillment by dating.
not that sex is some magic panacea.
i am pointing out an oxymoron
Why pay for therapy when you can pay for sex?
i doubt that would fix the problem they are in therepy for
sucks so much that finding good therapy is so hard, and way too much effort for for those who barely have the capacity to get one.
You must not live in America.
What, you think we get free healthcare here? Like some kind of civilized country?
I know we don’t get free health care here. I spent days fighting to get my insurance situation fixed because I’m disabled and the American corporate healthcare quagmire suuuuucks.
Huh? They were saying that in response to the other person implying that you don’t have to pay for therapy.
I think they were implying you don’t have to pay for dates…
No, they explicitly said you have to pay for dates.
Ah fuck, you are right.
I parsed it differently and changed the meaning of “dates” mid-sentence, which one shouldn’t do when reading.
i do, it sucks
OP is definitely lying about how this conversation went down
Fake: Anon would read David Smail’s How To Survive Without Psychotherapy before going to therapy
Straight: She then “suggest” hypnosis for his not getting laid problem. Then over many sessions while she is planting post-hypnotic suggestions and triggers, she turns him into a mindless obedient drone towards every women he meets, even when it is inconvenient for him.
deleted by creator
Satisfaction not guaranteed!
