Okay like yeah, I agree, BUT
there are few day-to-day mundane-things as funny as maxing out the volume on self-checkout machines which allow you to do so
“Please place your items in the bagging area” becomes
“Please place your items in the bagging area”
One of my worst experiences with a bot was calling Australia Post to try and track down a package that was sent to the wrong address. I had to speak the tracking number to the ‘voice recognition software’ because it was alpha-numeric, and no matter how slowly or deliberately I enunciated it, it could not recognise it. I tried dozens of times, and couldn’t get through to a human until it had the number, until 6pm ticked over and the call centre closed.
ADDENDUM: You are allowed to speak to me if you use a cute accent.
Found the Hatsune Miku fan.
I was thinking of the australian voice my last gps app used. She was very seductive.
Turn left at the stoplight…daddy
Dank Pods’s sexy Speaker gets a pass.
“Please place item in bagging area.”
Fuck off already!
My computer’s startup beep gets a pass. That little noise is sooo reassuring to hear.
Glorious POST. The only acceptable noise
I miss my floppy drive greeting me.
deleted by creator
It’s praying to you in it’s own tongue, this is the way of righteous machines
They’re members of the adeptus organicus
When it makes the tones you never hear, and RAM is ridiculously expensive.
Selfcheckout machine has no right to speak in the imperative
I agree, just without the religious dogma… I’m a person, its a tool… I don’t need a tool tanking me and I don’t need to thank a tool. That’s it.
The new “AI” of one of Czech providers is super annoying.
“Thank you for calling. To make sure it’s you, use your keypad to enter your numerical password.”
[6 DTMF beeps]
“You entered 123456 [they say it way too quickly but OK, I have a feature phone so no butter finger errors]. Is that correct?”
(At this point, you cannot proceed until you say “Yes”. Typing the number again (or anything else) will not help, you’d just hear “We couldn’t hear that. Can you try again? To make sure it’s you, use your keypad to enter your numerical password.”)
“Yes”
“Thank you for verification. Please tell us what your problem is-”
“Human”
“We couldn’t hear that. Can you try again?”
“Human”
“Are you sure you want to talk with our operator? The average wait time is 5 minutes.”
“Yes”
(2 minutes of awful music and nagging to press 1 to reconnect to the bot)
“I have a question about your ToS since your website is down. Also, I don’t ever want to speak to the bot again, can you bring the USSD text service or voice keypad menu back?”
Holy shit! That’s not a new Czech thing, that is what every single business in the Untied States has. The pharmacy, the post office, the school, the corner store, the furnature store, the mall, the phone store, the store where they sell human souls, the taxi service, the bank. Everything has this robot voice. Welcome to hell.
They at least take care that their website is up-to-date and not a 502: Bad Gateway page, right?
Actually yeah, the websites are usually up to date for big companies and government agencies. If I can’t find something on the website, it’s a pain to contact someone though, and when I finally get through the bots, I have to listen to the human customer service agent remind me to check the website. :(
(Image source, for those curious)
This is how my husband is.
Then there’s me, a Detroit: Become Human enjoyer, and I give thanks to Fred, my off-brand roomba, when he does his job well.
New kink unlocked
“Ugh, yes, call me a stupid clanker! Turn me off and back on again!”
Damn, my eyeballs were having a pretty good morning…
I might consider using voice prompts on Google assistant if it wasn’t so terrible at understanding me. You’d think after over a decade and with all their resources Google could have made it better at understanding a British accent. It still gets about 1/5 words completely wrong.
The thing never understood my local dialect and speaking to electronics like you’re speaking to the king in your most polished language is never gonna happen. It usually gets even worse with multiple languages. Ask the assistent in English to play a French song and be horrified what it actually comes up with. It might have improved, I haven’t tested this in quite some time, but I can’t be bothered with it.
Oh I think you forgot to activate the focus mode, it’s some thing like “hey listen up CIA! I know where the spy is hidden!” or something along those lines.
“Alexa, shut the fuck up, you have no right to speak in my holy tongue.”
While I’d like to think the response to that would be interesting, it probably isn’t. Anyone want to try?
I want to try any time I’m in a house with a “smart” speaker.
Well fuck you too buddy, imma go ahead and talk to a fellow bot at the NSA and release your internet history. Not so divine now are ya.
