A video game addiction is a very real thing. If the context had been that he was developing some dangerous habits, that’d be different.
lol @ the comments are arguing about the speculative context for this conversation. Either one of these fictional people could be unreasonable given different context.
Yall are telling on your own insecurities.
Obviously the woman has cancer and has only a week to live, but the husband is a world class esports athlete and he promised an entire ward of kids with cancer that he’d win the championship.
But the husband has cancer too and this is the last time that he can play before his eyes need to be surgically removed. But he doesn’t know that his wife made a deal with the devil, if she can get the husband to stop playing games then Satan will erase cancer from the world and the entire ward of children will be instantly healed.
But if her husband finds out about this deal he will instantly kill everyone. This is a very complex situation.
This is a little far-fetched.
The man comes from a long-line of noble gamers and is merely upholding the traditional values he was raised on, lest he distress the spirits of his ancestors. The woman was raised by puritan chess masters during the castle siege of Fort Boyard and views the world only under the paranoid lens of allegiance/betrayal.
It’s a simple culture clash that likely leads to some interesting bedtime shenanigans that gets them both off, e.g. Lockpicking a chastity belt whilst she eggs him on in French
THANK you I’m ALWAYS saying this
It’s so obvious when you think about the drink limit
these are the types of movies hollywood should be making.
You don’t want to watch Die Hard (2027)?
Unless Die Hard (2027) is a documentary about Bruce Willis, then I’m not interested
Nah, it’s a drama about the slow death of having dementia and how difficult it is for everyone around you.
The man is obviously wrong.
it’s a satire on how women are demanding and expect men to change–even when they know the man’s flaws or vices beforehand–but men basically just expect a woman to be around. it’s an empowering fantasy. the reality is that the man would give up video games or play in secrecy because the alternative is to be lonely or pay child support.
Congrats, you did exactly what I was taking about.
My ex tried this shit with me talking to any women. I had never, even once, given her any hint of inpropriety.
I ended it there, that day, and just stayed single for the next year or so.
A person that jealous is a red flag for control
That or projection and they are cheating themselves… been there
Oof this stung.
What, she once said “no more talking to other women”!?
A downward spiral that ended more or less there.
We had been together for a couple years, long distance. she was a couple months from moving back.
Start of conversation, I say: Kate said that the renfest tickets were about to go on sale
Who’s Kate.
Kate at work, there’s a crew that goes every year, we should go.
What else do you and Kate talk about?
Devolves into wanting an index of female friends and leading questions of if they are nice…
Mind you, we’d not been fighting; I was always accountable and on time. We had just spent most of a week together.
Near the end, she made it an “it’s either me or her…”
Kate is gay… I could have went down that path, But at this point, “woah woah woah, give me your key, we’re done”
I never regretted that.
This is the kind of healthy drama I want to see. It seems so far fetched it might actually make a good television show.
The older you are, the less fuck-giving you get.
Good for you!
Had a friend who’s wife started assuming he was cheating or trying to cheat with any other woman in his life. It was very extreme. Like - he once held the door open for a random woman entering a restaurant and she started accusing the woman of being a whore.
He ended up staying with her for a few more years because their daughter was 16 and he didn’t want to end up paying child support, and when they split up the 18yo daughter moved in with him.
she started accusing the woman of being a whore.
To her face? That’s like BPD or something
It was shortly after covid that she went kinda crazy, so I’ve wondered if she had some long-covid issues.
Oh probably not even that. I know a few people that had the psychological whiplash of going from being able to pretend that they were safe and bad things happened to Other People, to InVisIBle THinGs aRe OuT tO gEt mE!!!
And so they went antivax or some other psycho mindset
i lost two friends this way. went from cool people to being psychos post covid.
before i blocked them they would spam my IG feed with anti-vax and other conspiracy nonsense, and ended up adopting like multiple animals and going on rants about how men are awful. sad, and so fucking cliche.
yeah, i have met women who make this a requirement to date them. it’s not common but it exists.
you basically can’t interact with any other women than your family. because so much as smiling at a woman cashier at the grocery store is cheating. it’s really not about that though, it’s about their need to control you to feel secure.
it also is almost always a double standard, because that rule doesn’t apply to her talking to men.
Yeah had woman like that. Cashier hand touch mind handing me my change at the grocery store. I ended it that day because she filp out over it.
Was driving and glanced at something in my peripheral, barely even registered what I was seeing before a shrill “SHEES FOUURTEEEEEEEENNN” blistered through my ear drums from the passengers seat.
Like I could have understood that reaction if I was legit checking out some 14yo girl but like I was just driving and watching out for pedestrians.
Tragically miserable human being that taught me a lot of life lessons the hard way.
Yeah. That kind of mindset is tragic, because it’s hard to live like that but it’s also so toxic that it pushes away anybody who might be able to help.
Good call!
deleted by creator
Instructions unclear.
Married a woman who plays video games with me.
My wife is currently breeding an army of factory workers for me in exchange for a ton of ammo and raw materials in Palworld.
The last two words of that sentence are the most important ones.
“…in Palworld” is the new “…in Minecraft”
*in Rimworld
*in Rimcraft
*in The Sims
*in Crusader Kings
If you squint a little the rest of the description does apply to the real world…
Hot
So did the guy in the meme later on.
Some of us have dated dozens of people and never met one what enjoys or is OK with video games.
women who enjoy video games are not exactly abundant.
I’ve dated lots of trans girls who play video games.
If you want a girlfriend who does a “boy hobby” (as toy companies would put it), you need to find a culturally liberated woman. Someone strong willed and independent, who values action and choice. You know, a woke woman.
Find yourself a gal with blue hair and pronouns and you’ll have a gamer gf.
You’re right, I should start up a new game of Stardew Valley.
He knows trans girls will be better at games than him.
I’m not sure what your point is? Ive dated people who didnt like video games too.
that you are lucky and statistically that isn’t an option for most folks.
I’d love to date a woman who mountain bikes. The ratio of men to women in mountain biking is about 100 to 1, far worse than video games. my chances of finding a lady who wants to do that with me is astonishingly low.
however what is very common, is for meet a woman who lectures me on how stupid and dangerous and dumb mountain biking is and that i should stop doing it. that’s like 1/4 ladies I meet.
“most folks” = “me anecdotally”
k
Given the ratio you’ve listed, it should be extremely easy to find women into mountain biking. Though I suspect you meant the inverse of what you said.
I am sorry that you are the victim of toxic femininity. It’s a pandemic almost. Please do know that it is a small subset of women and not all of them, don’t let the fringe psychos deter you from trying to find someone to love, she’s out there for you, there’s just a bunch of gnomes in the way. Just step over them, you’ll be fine.
It’s not fine. and it is a pandemic, due to the hyper fueled social media gender war bullshit that so many single people consume. it’s also escalating. 10 years ago nobody was, on a first date, telling me in my face what a piece of shit I was to my face for not having a high enough salary for them, when my salary is higher than theirs, now that’s like every 4th woman I meet, and pretty much every other woman i meet demands to know my ‘stats’ off the bat.
it is not a small subset of women at all, it’s the vast majority of dating profiles I see who loudly and proudly declare their sexist double standards and abusive behaviors. men, at least, get called out and socially punished for it, women, get celebrated and their victims get punished and called out. women’s abuse and violence towards men is considered ‘corrective’ or ‘justice’. this morning I must have swiped left like 30 times alone, simple due to toxic sexist weird shit on profiles.
the small subset is the women who aren’t toxic, who actually take accountability for their emotions and their actions, and actually communicate with their partners. and who have realistic expectations for their lives, rather than being perpetually embittered their life isn’t a social media reel. and they aren’t on the dating market because they are largely coupled up. I meet many nice women at events this way, but they are never single. The single ones are the ones who are in the corner, and act with hostility and snide remarks if you try to interact with them, so you leave them alone.
in the past 5 years I’ve only had like 1-2 normal nice dates, the majority were one flavor of hostile and angry or another, who absolutely blamed me or other men for their ‘unhappiness’, which really is a product of their their own poor choices and shallow pursuits. But you can’t call them out, so you just sit there, listen to them rant, and say ‘thanks, hope you find someone nice’ and then they scream at you or sometimes attempt to hit or throw something at you. because HOW DARE YOU REJECT THEM, they are suppose to reject you you worthless man!
That said, 10-15 years ago, the majority of my dates were nice and normal folks. But that was also before social media warped everyone’s brains. Things didn’t used to be like this, but now everyone is so drugged up on rage and hostility and hate, well that’s all they can see in the world and all they bring to it. And I, for one, want nothing to do with that shit.
Yeah, that sucks, man. I mean, it is a dangerous hobby, my nephew is really into mountain biking and I keep hearing about his hilarious but serious injuries.
However, if you love it, like you clearly do, that’s just part of the game. It’s not surprising that you have trouble finding a gf who can be okay with that part, and ideally you would indeed want someone who you can worry about equally because she keeps falling off mountains and breaking ribs or getting concussions or whatever.
I’ve had a partner criticize my video game time before. They didn’t want to spend more time with me though, they just didn’t like that I was talking to other people online. I’ve also had a partner spend 90% of their free time online and ignore our relationship. What I find most interesting about the meme however is that any time it comes up it’s always the female partner giving the ultimatum, and I do not think that is a coincidence, I think it’s shaping a perception, and rage bait.
It’s absolutely pushing an agenda. But for once, the guy’s response is reasonable and healthy.
Yeah it wouldn’t be a bad response at all in a healthy relationship context. I wish all partners could give each other the same respect. I like the response, just not the frame.
And yet, it’s also what a person would say if they did prefer gaming 24/7 but also wanted her to feel that she was at fault for ruining a relationship he was never invested in. He’s not even looking her in the eye to make his accusation.
Meh. Judging people on eye contact is ableist.
But yeah, it could be that tactic and then the outcome is still good. Relationship ends.
Not making eye contact is one thing, actively turning your back is another, especially with a person you supposedly have a close relationship with (although obviously that’s shottohell one way or the other.) But yes as regards outcome, the pretense of a relationship ends, which is probably good for both of them.
I think it’s shaping the perception that guys tend to spend more time playing video games compared to women, or at least that is the view from a societal standpoint
deleted by creator
I do not think that is a coincidence, I think it’s shaping a perception, and rage bait.
Also notable that the people in the meme are inevitably very attractive. They tend to be younger, whiter, and upper class. And the wall-of-text response is always dripping with smugness and guaranteed the final word.
It’s all very Reddit.
The first person is a narcissist.
Literally, not as insult, as a diagnosis.
They do that because they want themselves to be the only or main person whose attention and input you value.
The video games disallow them from being able to monopolize your attention budget.
Narcissists, in relationships, seek to monopolize the partners attention budget.
Perhaps ironically, that doesn’t apply in reverse though… they’re allowed to monopolize the attention of many people, in their minds.
Other people though, no, they’re not allowed to do that, other people the narcissist knows are only allowed to spend attention on the narcissist.
This is a reasonable response, however if his habits are inhibiting his lifestyle then she has every right to bring it up as an issue.
FRFR glitches be trippin
Yeah, it’s obviously framed like this to dunk on the non-gamer for being goofy, but the reality is (most of the time) someone forcing an ultimatum like this is doing is because every other method failed. So, it’s hard for me to see this anything other than a sort of power fantasy. I’m not sure what to call it. An “I’m right” fantasy? A high-horse fantasy? Not sure.
And the frustrating this is that goofy posts like this hide this so well, because yes, ultimatums are generally bad, but if you point out something like that, they’ll just say something like the non-gamer just jumped to the ultimatum with no warning… But… It’s just a single panel. There’s literally nothing else.
Idk, it’s just weird to me. Also feels a little misogynistic.
Lost me at the misogynistic part. There’s nothing about this that necessitates a specific gender, just happens to be what’s in the meme.
And yet it’s usually the woman in memes like this that’s behaving inappropriately and usually the woman that’s acting boring in the memes comparing boys and girls.
You’re free to do your own memes about whatever you want, buddy.
Never said I couldn’t.
Nope, just demonstrated it.
…by not posting a meme as a response? What? That doesn’t even make sense.
And it’s ok when other people do, too.
Never said they couldn’t.
Theeere we go. It’s misogynistic everybody. Pack it up, we’re done.
“Feels a little misogynistic” is all I said, jeez. 🙄
No, you’re cooked. Tonight at 10 there will be two ogres in linux t-shirts at your door. They’ll escort you to the lemmy dungeon where you’ll spend the rest of your life.
Oh gods, not the Lemmy dungeon! I better eat some beans as I’ll need to not poop for three days.
deleted by creator
This absolutely happens, and women can be toxic too. Not everything is misogyny. I’ve had some absolutely horrible girlfriends and women in my life. I’ve also had amazing women in my life. Instead of assuming everything is misogyny you could idk… maybe consider that women arent always sunshine and rainbows?
It’s easy to put someone on a pedestal from afar.
When did I say otherwise? I even specifically mentioned most of the time in my comment, acknowledging that it’s not universal.
Huh?
Idk, it’s just weird to me. Also feels a little misogynistic.
You derailed the whole post because you have no concept of nuance. Now, this is a misogyny thread, because that’s the only lens through which to perceive the world, apparently.
No, minimizing my comment to one small thing I mentioned at the end in passing at an aside and saying that it was “derailing the whole post” is the derailing.
It’s not a reasonable response at all. It’s unhealthy AF.
If the partner is prioritizing games over their relationship or responsibilities, and is making the other feel like they have to compete for attention and time with their partners habits or addiction. The affected partner hss every right to desire to leave that relationship because their needs are not being met in that relationship.
This is what the ultimatum is targeting. His response being intentionally obtuse and flipping it back around to the partner whose needs are likely not being met in their relationship being the problem is extremely toxic and manipulative.
I like how everyone is inventing a scenario to fit the two lines of dialogue and claiming it’s this or that.
There’s no way to definitely say if it’s reasonable or not because they guy could be prioritizing gaming over his life and relationship or the lady could just be embarrassed that she is dating a guy with “immature” hobbies and he may be very regulated about the time spent gaming.
In one scenario it’s reasonable in the other it’s not.
Because woman. And it’s misogynistic to put women in that role in a meme. Because they would clearly never do that, and nobody has ever experienced this. Hence, this is now a misogyny thread. If it was a man saying it, it would be ok, because it wouldn’t be misogyny. Simple as.
people are confirming their biases via projection, often into extreme scenarios because those are more emotionally vivid and dramatic, than more mundane ones.
If the two characters were a gay couple you’d see very different replies, and probably a lot more light hearted ones, but a lot fewer of them.
but this one nicely plays into the ‘men who play video games are awful and terrible people’ trope, especially with the headline inciting that the male is the mature one here.
and for some folks in relationships, they MUST be the victim, no matter what. those were my favorite breakups, the classic ‘i am doing this but it’s hurting me more than you so therefore i’m the real victim’ nonsense. classic! you can bet some posters who think that way are totally triggered by any suggestion they might be the problematic one.
plus you know, the weirdos who just have an irrational hatred for people who play video games and think they are all depraved jobless man children who goon to anime girls all day.
anyway, it’s fun because so many folks tell on themselves without realizing it, when you put up these kind of relationship Rorschach tests.
Lots of assumptions being made when it could just as easily be someone upset that he dares spend an hour or two on the weekends gaming with buddies
The whole real men don’t play video games is also unhealthy nonsense constantly pushed by toxic members of our society
https://www.aol.com/articles/dating-coach-reveals-why-video-181930000.html
Honestly this is a contrived conversation, but I don’t think the guys answer is that far off of a healthy response. It is important to shutdown this type of behavior when it happens.
https://blog.couplestherapistla.com/ultimatums-dont-work-do-this-instead/
She would be much better off just saying, “When you ignore me or your chores by playing video games it makes me feel like you don’t care about the work it takes to maintain our home and relationship.”
what a awful shitty lady.
half the women on my dating app matches love golf. it’s incredibly popular right now. it’s the new climbing gym.
Without more context she could definitely be shitty or as the poster I responded to said, it could be a toxic response if he is actually ignoring his chores and the relationship by playing games.
I am probably making more out of it than it is though and overthinking things.
i’m talking about the ‘dating coach’ who is clearly an idiot.
Oh yes, I agree completely.
Not everyone disagreeing with you or acting precisely the way you like is “toxic”.
no, that’s your interpretation of it. which is mostly projection.
I would never date an extrovert or someone with no hobbies for exactly this reason. They need you to entertain them or they throw a fit.
This is so true.
Choosing my introverted life partner was the best choice I ever made. Or the best choice they ever made for me…or somewhere in between. But great choice, all around.
Big yep. Partner ≠ 24-hour therapist. If you can’t be alone with your thoughts, you aren’t working on your shit, and shouldn’t inflict it on someone else just because they’re there.
The answer to most ultimatums is no. It’s one thing if it’s something you need to change and is reasonable to demand, but even then by the time it hits an ultimatum the relationship is often in a position where the damage runs deep.
I’ve ended an engagement over an ultimatum and it’s one of the best decisions I’ve made
The answer to most ultimatums is no.
Yes! It took me far to long to internalize this.
Ultimatums are never productive, and anyone issuing them is either desperate or an asshole. (Sometimes both.)
What blows my mind, is everytime I was issued one of these… it was from a person who was objectively like way worse or had way bigger issues than I did.
Like, yeah I have to stop playing video games, but you have to pay off your $50,000 in credit card debt.
And the reply was, no, you have to quit video games, so you can work more, and make more money and pay off my debt for me.
And naturally friends/family took her side, because I have the penis and it’s my job to pay off her debts, or some bullshit.
anyway, good news is i’m single and financially secure, and happy, instead of together with someone being broke and miserable all the time and doesn’t allow me to have any joy on my own.
It sounds like you dodged a serious bullet there. I don’t know many people who started their marriages with huge debt who are out of debt or living happily at this point. Most of them are divorced. The smart ones kept enough paperwork to prove their spouses came into the marriage with debt, so they should not be held jointly responsible for it.
Yeah well, according to the women I meet, it just makes me a selfish horrible lazy asshole.
Almost every serious relationship I have had has ended because I was unwilling to pay off debt for my girlfriend. And they also all lied about it and pretended they had no debt. But in their minds, I was the bad person in the relationship…
But true that I am not stupid enough to have married any of them, or gotten them pregnant. One of them tried to get pregnant to entrap me, that was fun! Went off her birth control without telling me and then confessed one night when she was drunk.
And now I meet a lot of ladies who have like 10 million in the bank who think I’m also a lazy piece of shit because I can’t afford to drop 25K on a weekend getaway like they can. But I guess they aren’t in debt, so progress?
either way I continue to have my mind blown how awful and entitled people are when it comes to relationships and naively cling to my idea that we’re supposed to be equal partners who improve each others lives… but it seems that is not a popular mindset these days.
But if we’re equal then I don’t have control, and I’m not winning. Do you not understand society?
Hey Kelly, how are you doing? Glad you haven’t changed!
You’ve only got one of those, huh?
I don’t repeat mistakes. I just make new ones!
Them: You have to stop playing video games, they’re a waste of money and time and take up too much space
Me: Ok, then you stop collecting funkos
“You need to stop playing video games”
Normal people: says the person that is on Instagram and TikTok for eight hours a day?
I don’t even mind the hours on tiktok… what bothers me is the fact they become depressed and anxious because of it, because they are constantly comparing themselves to the lifestyles of millionaire influencers and thinking that is how they should be living their life or their life isn’t worth living…
almost every major big influencer/streamer comes from wealth, and pretends like they worked to get where they are… no they started there, and just decided to advertise it so they could con poor people into giving them more money, who want to live vicariously through them.
and every stupid streamer plays up that they are ‘just a normal person’. They almost never are. The ones that are normal people… basically live in shitty houses in the middle of no where, they aren’t traveling the globe.
THANK YOU. So glad to be free of that judgment and eating my cat food in peace.
I don’t judge. I am disgusted, but I don’t judge.
I appreciate that. Looking back, it really was disgusting that she tried to use “love” as an excuse to try to force me to change my damn diet!?!?
At the time, I was too caught up in raising our family to see her subtle abuses. So when she’d refuse my physical affection over so-called “cat food breath,” I used to really take it to heart. For a long time, I’d honestly almost convinced myself that I really was the problem, somehow.
Look, DO you have cat breath? Because if you do, you know, maybe don’t eat cat food. If you don’t, then yeah, that’s fucked up she’d put you through that and fuck with your self esteem. I hope you and your family are doing better.
The answer to most ultimatums is no
or https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mu_(negative)#Non-dualistic_meaning
That’s a cool concept that I’m gonna find a way to incorporate into my vocabulary from now on
Ok, but few people will understand that response
Such an alpha move when, if someone sits you down, you first get up and sit down on the other side of them before you respond.
Also pushing the book shelf across the room and rearranging all the books
And replanting the trees outside so they face in the opposite direction!
Don’t be ridiculous. The alpha move is to get a mirror and place it facing of both of you.
Relationships built on ultimatums are very abusive. You’re forcing someone to do something they don’t want to do to fit your expectations.
If you feel like your only recourse to get what you want is to make an ultimatum, maybe it’s time to move on.
It depends on the more on what is at stake more than just the ultimatum. Get sober or get out is very different than stop your hobby or get out. No matter how you try to get someone to give up their running club, it’s probably an abusive move.
You either never cheat on me or this relationship is over.
i would like to gave a gaming relationship like this (playing with no cheaters)
You just have to install Denuvo on your partner.
It doesn’t matter though, you’re still a massive asshole in the other person’s mind.
Even if it’s objectively something positive, like stopping drinking or other destructive behaviors.
People have to want to change themselves, if they don’t, you’re just being a dick. It’s very different if your partner wants to change habits and lifestyle and asks for your assistance.
It’s part of setting boundaries and letting someone know that they exist. You aren’t being a dick of someone chooses meth over a relationship. No one is entitled to a relationship, there are plenty of acceptable reasons that could be ultimatums to end a relationship.
the methhead thinks you’re a dick though.
ask any of my exes and they will tell you what an awful abusive piece of shit I was, for not ‘fixing’ their addiction issues for them and ‘judging’ or ‘punishing’ them for it. and plenty of their girlfriends 100% took their side.
Every relationship is built on ultimatums. Such a weird opinion to say it’s abusive. I’m leaving if my partner cheats, picks up a drug habit, or spends all of our money, for instance.
I think there’s a difference between a hard boundary and an ultimatum. The former exists before it needs to be said, and the latter is a “do/stop this or the relationship is over”. It’s often associated with existing relationship issues or a sudden change in the relationship.
It’s also associated with an expectation that one gets their way. Rather than approaching as a conversation about “are we still compatible” it becomes a cudgel. When I rejected my ex’s ultimatum it resulted in her begging me to change my answer and later yelling at me about my being willing to end the relationship.
yep, been there. I had one ex crash out at me 6 months later, because they found out I had found someone else… while they were also dating someone else. Like we broke up in Sept than one random day in March I had multiple ranting voicemails that I woke up to one day about how I ‘betrayed’ her and how I had ‘clearly never loved her’.
She was the one that initiated the breakup over an ultimatum, but her ‘plan’ was that I would come crawling back to her or something. Because it’s only True Love if you’re completely broken and subordinate to the other person, including abuse.
There’s a difference between ultimatums and boundaries
There really isn’t. You’re just adding a connotative difference if it’s a socially acceptable reason.
Boundaries are healthy limits set to protect oneself, while ultimatums are demands that pressure others to change, often with a threat.
Boundaries respect both parties. Ultimatums prioritize one’s own needs.
Using the meme as an example, “if you don’t stop playing video games I’m leaving” is an ultimatum, putting herself first. It neglects the fact that he enjoys playing video games, and forces him to choose between her or his hobbies.
“I feel neglected when you play video games so much instead of spending time with me, what can we do to find something that works for both of us. If we can’t find a solution, I worry about the sustainability of our relationship” would express her feelings, identify his behavior that is causing those feelings, and respect the fact that his hobbies are important to him and give him space to continue enjoying them. And the boundary is “if we can’t work together on this, this relationship won’t work”.
There is nothing in what I said that suggests connotation or social acceptance are a factor - polyamory exists, couples could enjoy drugs together, and money is important to everyone. What you listed are your boundaries, and that’s cool - I have the same ones. But they’re not universal (though definitely some of the most common). What matters is how they are communicated.
You just explained the connotation and presented it as a difference in definition, but an ultimatum is just attaching consequences to a “hard boundary” or “deal-breaker.” Usually, the consequence is just walking away from the relationship. I know in real life it often does turn abusive, and you can have an abusive ultimatum, “have sex with me or I will hurt you,” but it’s not inherently abusive.
Even your examples are ultimatums but said more kindly.
“I feel neglected when you play video games so much instead of spending time with me, what can we do to find something that works for both of us. If we can’t find a solution, I worry about the sustainability of our relationship”
The boundary is “being in a relationship with someone who plays video games so much” and, assuming the status quo is not acceptable, what turned it into an ultimatum is “I worry about the sustainability of our relationship.” I.e., I’m going to break up with you if you don’t play less video games than you are now. Just because you would like to stay in the relationship and keep playing video games at the same rate does not make it abusive. What would make it abusive is if there’s a pattern of manipulation that puts the ultimatum in a negative context.
The difference is “let’s figure this out so we’re both happy” versus “stop this or I’m leaving”. Boundaries let the other person know what we’re comfortable with and what our limits are. Ultimatums are about control.
In my example, the boundary is feeling neglected because of so much time playing video games, and the limit is not wanting to be in a relationship where one feels neglected. Finding a mutually agreeable solution shows respect.
The ultimatum of “stop playing video games or I’m leaving” is about controlling what someone does. It neglects the video game players needs while prioritizing the person giving the ultimatum
The terms are confusing, for sure, and it doesn’t help that some boundaries could easily be interpreted as ultimatums. “I’m not staying with you if you cheat on me”, for example, could be read as both.
He is in line, and he’s right.
I feel like the whole situation would not even happen if they had a healthy relationship, as in discussing their feelings.
It’s good to talk about our feelings.
Positive masculinity!!
Yes, but:
Three hours later
OMG so why did you guys break up? You were so perfect for each other!
He chose his video games over me…
Wow what a loser, you’re so much better than him
I’m sure he’s devastated that his ex’s friends are supporting her.
Not uncommon for couples to share friends. No matter who it is, no one likes getting bad mouthed behind their back
“Can you believe she had the gall to accuse me of choosing video games over her‽ Anyway, back to the campaign…”
Upvoted for the interrobang.
The fact they’ve graduated from a “talking stick” to rearranging the furniture and trading sides of the couch between responses was prob an early warning sign
